dirt and rocks

Moving Day

2011-11-26T12:13:00.001-05:00

Moving Day is here! Please follow me over at my new digs: www.dirtandrocks.net. Much will be the same but there are a few new twists and turns.

I don't want to lose anyone in the move, so please hold hands and update your RSS feeders or bookmarks or whatever you use to get to the House of Dirt and Rocks.

On Being Thankful

2011-11-23T23:15:00.001-05:00

While I am generally grateful of all the things I have in my life, I am not one who usually celebrates Thanksgiving by actually giving thanks. I am not a big Thanksgiving fan (although I'm married to one). For me it is a day spent cooking and eating food I don't particularly enjoy. I'm also not a fan of shopping, so the whole Black Friday thing kind of wigs me out. But this year, for some reason that I can't really fathom, I came up with a gratitude list while I was cleaning my house.

I am thankful:

for Angel's laugh. It lights up the house whenever he's home and I enjoy falling asleep to it at night.
for a house that I both enjoy living in and can afford.
for a husband who, while cooking a huge traditional thanksgiving dinner of turkey and stuffing, will cook me duck because I really don't like turkey.
for a husband who does all the cooking.
for a chance to spend time with my sister. I don't see any of them regularly and being with a sister makes me feel grounded in a way that nothing else can.
for a visit from Pumpkin, who has her own large family to see but always makes time for us.
for Pupzilla's arthritis medicine that has given me my dog back.
for a gym that hires amazing yoga teachers and stays open on Thanksgiving so I can get my yoga on before the big meal.
for students who send me emails saying they miss me and want to get together for lunch.
for all you who read and actually care about these minor details of my life.

A Great One Has Fallen

2011-11-22T19:51:00.001-05:00

Anne McCaffrey, RIP

It was Anne McCaffrey and her Dragonriders of Pern series that first hooked me on dragons. I was 11. At 46, I still believe.

In the world of Pern, when a rider died her dragon would immediately go "between" never to return. When a dragon died (or went between) all the other dragons would instantly cry out as one to honor their fallen sister. I can hear the dragons crying tonight.

The Holidays Have Begun

2011-11-21T21:52:00.001-05:00

Even though I have to teach tomorrow, the holidays are officially here.

Angel is home for the week.
I have baked cookies.
The food shopping is done.
My Christmas list is complete.

Life is good.

Development

2011-11-20T23:05:00.001-05:00

With the semester winding down I can devote a little more time to yoga again. I've been attending classes regularly but I can't make all my favorite ones. The classes are divided into levels, although most people at the gym seem to ignore this categorization. I started at a Level 1-2 and was quite comfortable there for a while. This summer I ventured into the Level 2 classes and really found my niche. There I could get both a good workout and a lot of detailed instruction. Some of my favorite teachers cover the Level 2 classes. More recently I've started taking a Level 2-3 with my absolute favorite teacher. It wipes me out every time but I love it. This weekend I ventured into a couple of Level 3's and found, while difficult, they were not as hard as that one Level 2-3 class. Suddenly the Level 1-2 classes aren't doing it for me anymore.

I love skill development. It is a wonderful thing to know that with time, patience and some concentrated effort, you will improve--no matter how bad you are at the beginning. I'm much better at accepting my limitations in yoga than in other areas. I totally buy into the idea that "this is where I am today" but it is nice when tomorrow brings me to a new place. It amazes me that my body is starting to do things in class that were impossible for me a few months ago.

A few weeks ago a teacher described a particular posture as playful. It was a posture that required considerable balance and I had been having some difficulty with it for a while. Playful was not how I would have ever described it but I decided to take her word for it and find the play. It's far from perfect but it is definitely better and lots of fun.

Portraits of A Lady

2011-11-19T23:07:00.001-05:00

Fun With Students

2011-11-17T22:16:00.001-05:00

Today the students in my doctoral class looked burned out. Several were busy on their computers as I entered the class and no one was talking. This is unusual for the group as they are a friendly and chatty bunch. As more students arrived, each one brought in their own dour looks. The day was rainy and chilly and that wasn't helping anyone's mood.

It was the second-to-last class of the semester; the class before Thanksgiving, and the last class where we had to discuss some serious reading. I knew it was not going to go well. Instead of starting off with questions on the reading, as was my original intention, I asked them all about their Thanksgiving plans. I let them go on a while and then encouraged us to go wildly off-topic. Somehow we got onto run-ins with small critters. One student told a hilarious family story about fat squirrels. Some of us laughed ourselves to tears. I let it go a little longer after that and then started the class half an hour late.

We ended up having a good discussion and a great class.

For my undergraduate class I had prepared an activity, a group discussion, and a lecture. Sometimes the group discussions bomb and sometimes they are helpful but rarely do they extend past 15-20 minutes. We were still on the topic of childbirth and the discussion ended up taking the entire period. It was the liveliest and most interactive discussion we've had to date and I let it go a little astray. This became obvious when I realized we were talking about eating placentas and someone started googling how to cook them. It was the first class where they didn't all get up to leave as soon as the period was over. In fact several stayed after class to talk with me further.

Some days I really enjoy teaching.

House Hunting

2011-11-16T20:00:00.001-05:00

I have always loved looking for a new place to live. When you grow up in the City of Pizza and Bagels moving is what you do. There is always a bigger space in a better neighborhood to be found. Somewhere out there is that amazing deal.

I am more than happy to go house (or apartment) hunting with a friend. I love to see the insides of empty homes. I love to imagine what it would be like to live there and can often come up with an entire alternate life after just stepping through the door.

I have a sister who shares this passion with me. When Angel was little and I could no longer take living in a one-bedroom with him and my ex, my sister took me apartment hunting in her neighborhood. We were very excited at the thought of living near each other, especially since we both had boys a year apart. While it was stressful, we had a blast looking at all the possibilities. And then one day I walked through a doorway and knew that I found it. My dream apartment and it was within my price range.

I lost the apartment in the divorce and miss it to this day.

My sister continues to live in that neighborhood and has taken her love of empty apartments a step further. She now helps other people find their dream home and she blogs about it at Uptown Girl. I love having another family member in the blogosphere and I get to read about my old neighborhood.

Childbirth Education

2011-11-15T22:35:00.001-05:00

We are discussing birth this week in my undergraduate class. I show movies every once in a while to introduce a topic and today we watched The Business of Being Born. I've shown this movie in several classes over the years, and although I can get bored with certain parts, watching the births never gets old.

My favorite part is listening to my class when the first birth occurs. If you haven't seen the movie, it is a beautiful birth. A woman is in a birthing pool in her living room. Her midwife is by her side and her toddler is roaming around the room. She is having an intense contraction but she is calm. The room is quiet except for her slight moan and the voice of her son. Then a baby appears. It is so gentle and contrary to every image we have of birth that it takes you completely by surprise.

Every time I show this, the entire class let's out an "ohhh" of delight.

I have my students write down questions or topics they want to discuss from the movie for the next class. As I was reviewing them this evening, I was struck by how many talked about the need for childbirth education. They wanted to know when and how women can learn about their options. The sad news is that most women learn childbirth when they are all ready well into their pregnancy and have already made some critical decisions (such as the doctor/midwife/practice). I also feel, having sat through several childbirth classes for my doula training, that the options are not well presented in most cases.

While not everyone will give birth (or be with a partner giving birth) it still seems worthwhile to teach it to the masses. Why is it considered something you would only be interested in if you're pregnant? And who thinks pregnancy is the best time to learn about what your body can do?

Red Doors (Textured)

2011-11-14T21:33:00.000-05:00

kk phoebe (color burn 70%) & kk crackerjack (multiply 39%)

kk phoebe (darken 71%)

kk phoebe (color burn 80%) & kk inspired magic (soft light 39%)

Instagram & kk phoebe (overlay 71%)

kk phoebe (soft light 59%)

kk phoebe (soft light 63%) & kk if only (multiply 50%)

RBOC: Wild and Wooly Weekend Edition

2011-11-13T19:34:00.001-05:00

Zippy lives! b came home and said she just needed some fluid. There's an ongoing condition that requires we keep her well hydrated. I have not been doing this.
Cars are still a foreign land to me.
Pupzilla continues to do well on her arthritis medication. We went on a walk and she refused to turn back. I eventually had to trick her back home by making a big circle.
In the past two weeks I've thought both my dog and my car were goners and now they both have a new lease on life.
This morning I mapped out a bike route to get to my yoga class. The bad news is I took a few wrong turns and ended up missing the class. The good news is that I had a great bike ride and now feel more confident that I can bike in this neighborhood.
I only have one paper left that needs feedback!
b came home and made ribs. We have a double stove and recently found out the bottom one works better than the top. The ribs came out better than ever.
For the first time ever we have decorated for Christmas before Thanksgiving. We still don't have a tree but b hung lights outside today.
I purged my closet of clothes this afternoon. I found clothes in there that are three sizes too small. Yes I've been holding onto a lot of clothes with the idea that one day I'll fit them again. It was sad to part with some of them but it was also very freeing. I no longer have to sort through reminders of my former self just to find something to wear.
I celebrated my new self by ordering some clothes online.
Have made serious progress with my blog revamping project. It is still too soon to unveil but I'm feeling very positive about it.

Driving Zippy

2011-11-12T21:08:00.001-05:00

Growing up in the City of Pizza and Bagels means growing up in a car-less life. No one in my immediate family owned a car or knew how to drive. Not many of my friends had cars and none of us learned to drive in high school. In my late twenties I started to travel for business and not knowing how to drive was a huge inconvenience. Outside of the city, not knowing how to drive made me feel like a child.

I started taking lessons when I was 29. The City of Pizza and Bagels is not a fun place to learn how to drive. I was terrified every time I had a lesson. One of my sisters started taking lessons at around the same time. When it was time to take our road tests, she passed and I failed. I took some more lessons and waited a while for my next test and then I failed again. After that I pretty much gave up.

Then I started dating b and cars came into my life. Well one car did: his small Isuzu truck. We used it to get out of the city to paddle and hike. We eventually used it to find a small house about an hour north of the city. We packed up our belongings, Angel, the cats and Pupzilla and moved someplace where the nearest store was 15 miles away. Not driving was not really an option. b taught me to drive in that little Isuzu truck and I used it to pass my third road test.

When b got a bigger truck, I got the little Isuzu. I loved driving that truck but it was old and one day she broke down on the side of the road. The cost to fix her far exceeded her worth. We went shopping for a car and b found Zippy. She was 10 years old but had a lot of get-up-and-go. The only catch was her manual transmission. b loved driving stick but I had never done it and she was to be my car. Keep in mind I was still a new and very nervous driver. We bought her anyway and somehow b managed to teach me to drive stick in a nearby parking lot.

That was almost seven years ago. Eventually we moved down to SouthLite and b's truck died shortly after we got here. I had to share Zippy as she became the family car. Last year when b finally got a new car, Zippy reverted to me. I love driving that car. She's old, she's banged up (I managed to back her directly into b's truck twice shortly after we got her), and she is far from attractive but I love her. We have replaced many of her parts over the years and I know we are reaching the point where it doesn't make sense to keep her going.

Today the clutch didn't want to engage, repeatedly. With a little patience and a lot of dogged determination, I got her to and from the gym. Once I made it home I didn't want to risk another trip out. Her mechanic is closed for the weekend and b is away so I have no one to give me a real diagnosis but I am not hopeful. A new clutch in a 17 year old car is probably not a wise decision to make and I'm worried that may be what I'm facing.

RBOC: Marathon Work Weekend Edition

2011-11-11T20:23:00.001-05:00

It is 8:30pm on a Friday night and, after leaving my office at 5pm, I just finished 3 hours of work on an administrative task. (I also finished 2 glasses of red wine--a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do). I am about to embark on some editing of a paper I'm writing with students.
There is a Grey's Anatomy and Homicide somewhere in my future this weekend.
b is away on a kayak camping trip, leaving me and Pupzilla to fend for ourselves.
The weather has changed and my wardrobe has not. I MUST organize my clothes so I have something to wear. I also need to do a good purge and was thinking this was the weekend for such a task. I fear when the purge is done I will realize I still have nothing to wear.
I have 7 draft proposals from my doctoral students to provide feedback on this weekend.
I was hoping to actually write the revision of the paper that never ends this weekend.
I have 3 yoga classes I'd like to take (1 on Sat and 2 on Sun).
I have BIG changes planned for this little blog and was hoping to implement some of them this weekend.
b took my camera with him and left me his point and shoot. Since Pupzilla has made a remarkable recovery with her arthritis meds, I was hoping to take her and the camera for a walk.
The house is a mess. With the holidays coming (and we'll actually have company this Thanksgiving, yay!), I really should start cleaning it.

On Teaching Doctoral Students

2011-11-10T19:33:00.001-05:00

Sometimes I really love teaching doctoral students. Well most of the time I really love teaching doctoral students. This semester my doctoral class is going particularly well and it is a very welcome relief because the undergraduate class is not thrilling me. (I normally love teaching undergraduates but this is seriously altered when my class size is 40+.)

Of course part of the love comes from having students that are really engaged in the subject; students who want to learn and are at a point in their lives when they can devote most of their time to learning. I consider this an extreme luxury in the world of teaching. The flip side is that when a doctoral student is not particularly engaged it sucks far worse than a disengaged undergraduate or masters' student. Perhaps it is the expectation but I suspect it is because the stakes are so much higher.

But what is really nice about teaching doctoral students is the benefit of having them around for several years. I only teach one undergraduate course, so I don't get repeat undergrad students. I've had a few who have worked on my research and had the opportunity to watch them develop over the span of a year or two, but these students are few and far between. When I was teaching in the masters' program I had more interactions with those students. I would get to know the entire cohort and even if I didn't teach them again, they were generally around and involved in the department in a way that I could watch their progress. But our masters' program is only two years long and in the last semester most of them are away doing an internship.

In the doctoral program I have time to really get to know all of the students. I am the doctoral coordinator so I get to meet most of them as they are applying. I run their orientation and help them get on their feet during their first semester. I teach a core methodology course they all have to take in their first or second year and many attend my writing group. For some I'll serve on their dissertation committee. Our doctoral students hang around for 3-5 years, with most of them on the 5-year plan. This is enough time to see them really come into their own; to develop their skills; to find their voice; to become colleagues instead of students. It is a beautiful thing to watch.

I have one student who is getting ready to graduate this spring. She was my graduate assistant for her first two years. She's been a student in three of my classes. I was the chair of her program committee and am serving on her dissertation committee. We've published together and have plans to continue some collaborations once she graduates. I've been advising her as she has started searching for full-time employment. I've seen her through some tough personal crisises. I can't quite believe she is the same young woman who first showed up on my doorstep full of unrealistic dreams and expectations.

I can't quite believe she'll be gone next year.

Bag Lady

2011-11-09T17:25:00.001-05:00

The amount of stuff I need to cart around these days is astonishing. Some mornings I find myself hauling 3-4 bags out to the car. I literally don't go anywhere without my Timbuktu. It is loaded down with: an iPad, a moleskin, an iPhone, keys, wallet, pens, sunglasses, and reading glasses at a minimum.* You will also usually find me hoisting a large backpack onto my back that carries my laptop, a power cord and an assortment of folders containing articles, student papers, and other "work." Let's not forget the water bottle that needs to be with me at all times. If the gym is in the plan (which it is most days) than there is a gym bag that contains a full change of clothes, shoes, toiletries and a brush. If I'm going to the gym for yoga, I add another bag for my mat and strap.

Obviously none of this is necessary and yet it is.

I haven't carted this much stuff around since Angel was a baby/toddler. Of course back then I didn't have a car and would need to strap my multiple bags onto his stroller and then take it up and down the subway steps. The car is an improvement.

I remember a time, before Angel, when I rode my bike to work everyday with nothing but my keys, a few dollars in my pocket and my work apron. I never thought I'd want those times back again but some days it seems the wiser lifestyle. I was talking with colleagues today about the latest apps for doing literature searches. Sorry, but I'm not interested in searching PubMed or Ebsco while waiting for a pedicure (like I have time for a pedicure).

Most of my "stuff" is work-related and I carry it with me both literally and figuratively. There isn't a time when I can put my work down and not think about it. My work is never left at the office and now, with the increases in technology, home is never really left at home either. Like a turtle, my life is on my back.

*b can leave the house with all he needs stuffed into his pockets. Men's pockets must be quite large because an iPhone doesn't fit in any of my jeans.

And The Countdown Begins

2011-11-08T20:20:00.000-05:00

The countdown to the end of the semester has started. I have several methods for counting down. My undergraduate class meets twice a week so sometimes I count how many of those class sessions I have left (6 classes plus the mid-term). My doctoral class meets once a week, so sometimes I count the number of teaching weeks I have left (4 including this week). Some classes I don't have to prep for (showing a movie or class presentations) so sometimes I count the number of total preps I have left (across both classes = 6). And when I really need a boost I count the number of weeks until I don't have classes, grading or meetings (5!).

Angel has started counting down too. He is having a tough semester. I think it is his hardest one ever. He is counting down by the number of assignments he has to turn in. This week took care of several but there are still plenty to come. He is anxious to see this semester end but the end of the semester also means his capstone research project is due. The thought of finishing that is scaring him a little these days.

b is counting down the days until Thanksgiving (his second favorite holiday), Black Friday (the day he is allowed to start playing Christmas music), and Christmas (his favorite day of the year).

The Blogging Process

2011-11-07T19:36:00.001-05:00

For those of you who haven't noticed, I've been posting a little more frequently of late. Actually I believe I posted 30 out of the 31 days of October. I'm not doing NaBloPoMo nor have I started any personal blogging resolutions (who would start a resolution in October?). No I have simply started a new blogging process and, so far, it seems to be working.

I used to think of posts and then write them. Generally this would happen 2-3 times a week. If I had a post in my mind and I didn't have time to write it I would start a draft (often no more than a title) to come back to another time. I think in my entire blogging career I completed maybe two of those drafts. More often, I would end up deleting them after several months.

This was not a great systems because when I am thinking of blog posts I tend to think of a lot of blog posts. I flirted with writing multiple posts and then scheduling them for every other day but that didn't fulfill my blogging needs. Once I'm done writing a post I want to publish it right away. Two days later I might be in a very different mood and that post will seem old and out of sync with my present self.

In general I try to write something everyday. This something can be a blog post, part of a paper, a review, notes to myself, even an extended email. There is something critically important about forming written words on a daily basis. Unfortunately by the middle of the semester this daily practice has been known to fall apart.

So now I've been setting some time aside each night to blog. If a thought has been floating around in my mind all day than that is what comes out. If there is nothing there, I open up a blank post and see what shows up. Of course sometimes I have something rattling around so frantically that I can't wait until the evening to get it out. Either way it is becoming an important part of my day.

Goals and Dreams

2011-11-06T14:41:00.000-05:00

I haven't contributed to a Scientiae Carnival for a while and when I saw this month's topic I thought I would have to pass on it again. I thought I had nothing much to say these days in terms of my goals and my dreams for my science and my career. But then I started to process this reluctance and realized it was not only quite worthy of a post but an important piece of processing to do.

When I first moved to SouthLite it was easy to list my goals. In fact several people asked me to do so and I rattled them off. In five years I wanted to: get tenure, get an R01, get a teaching award, write a book. Five and half years later I've achieved two out of the three: tenure & teaching award. I no longer want an R01 and I have several book ideas that I'd love to start writing.

But if you asked me now to rattle off a plan for the next five years I would be hard-pressed for an answer. Yes I'd like to write a book (or several books) but what else? Do I want to be a full professor? I used to be sure but now not so much. Do I want external (preferably NIH) funding? (Note: I've yet to secure external funding since moving to SouthLite.) Not really. I should clarify: while I would like it, I'm no longer sure the effort it takes to even submit a grant is worthwhile and having one seems more of a burden than a bonus for my colleagues. At least that is how it appears at my institution and in this economic climate.

The bigger questions are: do I want to stay in academia? Do I want to stay in SouthLite? If I want both then charging ahead for full professor and securing external grants is the way to go. If I want to stay in academia but move someplace else than external funding is probably a must and writing a book would be seen as a colossal waste of time and energy.

The second question is the much easier of the two to answer. I don't want to stay in SouthLite. At least I don't want to stay here for the rest of my working career. I figure that could easily be another 25-30 years. b and I definitely want to live elsewhere. SouthLite is comfortable for now and we are happy here but we are not made for the South even at its' lightest. We are both Northeasterners by birth and Pacific Northwesterners in our souls. If a job was available in Portland or Seattle or Vancouver, I'd be on it in a hot second.

Sometimes we dream of an even more dramatic move. Selling the little we have and living as exPats in a country high on the life satisfaction scale. Lately, for b, that has been Iceland. I love the idea of making a dramatic change without a definitive plan (i.e. a job waiting for me) but I know deep in my heart I have never been that kind of risk-taker. I am a planner, a doer and, occasionally, a dreamer but I only take very calculated risks.

Combining the academic job of your dreams with the location of your dreams takes you straight to Fantasyland. And so I think of leaving academia. But what would I be? It is not just for location that I have started questioning my fit in the hallowed halls of higher education. With tenure and the economy, I have seen both a present and a future in higher education that turns my stomach. The parts of the career that attracted me are being replaced by the parts I like the least. I don't see that turning around anytime soon (if ever).

But to be fair my science has also changed considerably. I was never a great fit for my field but my current interests are driving me in a very different direction. I have only a tenacious hold on post-positivist empirical research and am being drawn further and further into what I see more as scholarship than science. I am interested more in thinking and writing about theory than using or testing theory. I want to capture, honor and promote marginalized voices. I want to advocate for change rather than predict change.

I want to write. I write on a daily basis and I want to collaborate with people who write on a daily basis (which is really hard to find in my neck of the academic woods). I want to write for other scholars and for nonscholars. I want to go beyond writing. I want to incorporate visuals, such as documentaries and portraits, into my scholarship. I want to create interactive virtual science/scholarship events that merge science and art. I want to find new ways to give both individuals and populations a seat at the table; a say in how we construct what it is we think we know.

I find myself at a point where I have many dreams, a few fuzzy goals, but no plan. It is an exciting place to be.

10 Ways In Which I Am A Rock Star

2011-11-05T10:48:00.000-04:00

I am flexible in body, mind, and spirit.
I raised a sensitive soul into a responsible, intelligent, kind, loving, and funny young man.
I am a scholar warrior.
I found my voice and now help others find theirs.
I am juicy; I am a ripe peach that you want to bite into and let the sweet nectar run down your chin.
I am only getting juicier with age.
I found a daughter when I couldn't have one and am now helping her fine-tune her awesomeness.
I merge poetry and science to make people feel and think.
I commit to people.
I am present in my life.

How are you a rock star?

Pupzilla and the Vet

2011-11-04T18:39:00.001-04:00

Pupzilla on her couch

We moved houses last January. The vet we have been using since arriving in SouthLite is now way over on the other side of town. I began the process of finding a new vet after we moved but once I collected a few recommendations life got in the way.

Last spring Pupzilla had a run-in with a six-legged creature in the backyard that broke her out in lumpy hives. It was a Sunday but luckily there is an animal emergency hospital just three blocks from our new home. I took her there and they treated her wonderfully. Again I thought that I should really find a new vet, especially since her annual visit occurs in June, but again life got in the way.

While I was yucking it up in our nation's capital this past weekend, b was home snuggling Pupzilla. He found a ping-pong sized lump on her neck. It was not the usual kind of lumps and growths that she has been sprouting these last few years. So I made an appointment with a vet that a good friend had recommended.

I came home from DC on Wednesday and the appointment was for Thursday morning. I had not yet finished my grading and barely got my prepping done for my back-to-back classes on Thursday afternoon. b had the day off and was going to take Pupzilla while I stayed home and worked. At the last minute I decided to tag along so I could meet the new vet. Really I was worried that this would be awful news and I didn't want b to hear it alone.

The lump turned out to be nothing more than a fatty benign tumor that does not need to be removed. The vet checked her various other lumps and moles and was not overly worried about any of them (although recommended we have one on her ankle removed--but no rush). She was appalled by the state of Pupzilla's nails (our previous vet never offered to clip them and Pupzilla won't let us do it). With two assistants holding Pupzilla down, our new vet managed a lovely mani/pedi.

The previous vet had mentioned Pupzilla has arthritis in her knees and we've been noticing her slowing down considerably. The last time I took her for a walk it was a slow and difficult process. She sometimes stumbles going up and down the stairs to the yard and rarely gets off the couch anymore. We assumed a lot of this was age. The vet gave us a free sample of arthritis medicine and told us that we may see a difference. According to her, many people assume age is the culprit when it is really pain. It is very hard to see pain in a dog and Pupzilla is particularly stoic.

We gave her a pill as soon as we got home and then left for the afternoon. When we got home last night she came to the door to greet us like in the old days. She also wanted to play fetch with her bone and didn't stop after three throws (her usual pattern these days). Today she is mostly on her couch but has been getting up and down with considerable more ease. We are hopeful that things will continue to improve.

We love our new vet.

Cityscapes: Capitol City Edition

2011-11-03T20:48:00.002-04:00

Post-Conference Exhaustion

2011-11-02T22:25:00.000-04:00

After 3 days of nonstop talking, thinking, laughing and drinking, I am back from my conference. I had a wonderful time but there was absolutely no down (alone) time. For an extreme introvert like me, that can pose a bit of a problem. The five hour solo drive home was a welcome respite.

I spent time with friends, colleagues, and students I see frequently as well as with friends I rarely see. I presented a paper and a poster. The methods in my paper were a hit and I was complimented on the topic of my poster. I sat through very few presentations but the ones I saw sparked new ideas and great conversation. I ate amazing food and drank sangria. I also saw art. My favorite was a street exhibit of Niki de Sainte Phalle's work. I walked past it the first day and had to keep returning. Unfortunately it was taken down yesterday. Below are some images of The Three Graces.

Here we all are hanging out with the sculptures.

There was also this cool bike rental system. The only problem is that is is BYOH (Bring Your Own Helmet).

And how can you not love the lions?

Geese At Sunset

2011-11-01T08:36:00.000-04:00

Conferencing in Capitol City

2011-10-31T18:47:00.000-04:00

I am at the super-huge annual conference for my field. It is being held in our nation's capital this year. I drove up with one of my favorite students and I'm rooming with my bestie colleague. Last night an enormous group went out for real Chinese food and then a smaller pack had drinks to celebrate my roomie's birthday.

I have two presentations. The first was today and was a big success. I presented a paper where I used my poem analysis method. I had many questions on how I do it and what can be done with it. I think I need to write that methods paper.

The weather has been beautiful and I've been taking lots of photos that I'll be sharing in future posts. Now I am off to dinner with the gang. Tomorrow I get to see my friends from UpNorth.

The Last Minute Crowd

2011-10-29T10:46:00.002-04:00

Anastasia has an interesting post up that describes her frustration with colleagues that procrastinate on tasks that directly affect her job. I can sympathize. We probably all can as there is always someone who has a task that is high priority for you but low priority for them. However Anastasia is talking about a real clash in work personalities and she finds herself in the minority. While I don't think I can match her organizational abilities, I've lived my life getting tasks done ahead of time and have found the rest of the world doesn't.

Many people can get some work done on time. It is interesting that for some it is the high priority tasks and for others it is the low priority tasks, but either way they aren't late with every deliverable. And I will admit that there are times when I procrastinate. For example, there are times when I could get grading done in one week but choose to take two weeks. I also tend to complete my reviews for journals the day they are due when I've had them for several weeks. Sure I could have done them early but they are rather low priority for me. I am rarely late with a deadline. Instead I tend to feel that being on time is being late.

I was the type of kid that did her homework at lunch or on the bus/train going home from school. I was surrounded by people who did their homework on the bus/train going to school. These are the "last minute crowders" [LMCrs]. They are everywhere and they drive us crazy.

I worked for one for many years. He wrote a lot of grants. Grants have very hard deadlines. Those of us who worked under him used to beg and plead for him to at least start the process a month before they were due. Often he would have me develop a budget for something he hadn't even conceived of yet. It was busy work. If we were lucky he would start a week before the due date. I pulled a lot of all-nighters in the job. This was back before there were electronic submissions and we would need to hire special (very expensive) couriers to make sure the multiple copies arrived in time because we had missed FedEx's last pick-up.

I gave birth to a LMCr. Angel and I rarely fought when he was growing up but when we did it was almost always around getting his homework done. It is very hard for me to understand why someone would wait on a task, particularly a task they don't want to do, instead of getting it done right away. I don't like the feeling of having a task hanging over my head but Angel seemed far more comfortable with this feeling. He was often able to forget about the task completely or at least until the night before it was due. And maybe that is where the difference lies.

The Tao Of Coffee

2011-10-28T18:11:00.000-04:00

Hot Topics

2011-10-27T19:46:00.001-04:00

Today we discussed abortion in my undergraduate class. I've taught this subject at both the undergraduate and graduate levels for the past 5 years. In previous years I've always managed to avoid the pro-choice/pro-life debate.

I don't find it a useful debate for the country and I certainly don't find it a useful debate for the classroom.

This year I showed a movie (I Had An Abortion) on Tuesday. Whenever I show a movie in class I have the students hand in three questions or topics that they want to discuss in class from the movie. I group the questions/topics into themes and then we discuss them as a group.

While I do have control over which topics/themes I choose, it was much harder to get away from pro-choice/pro-life this time. It is the only framework people are really given on abortion in this country. So we addressed it to an extent but worked on finding other frameworks or issues around the topic.

What concerns me is not my students' personal stance on abortion but their general lack of knowledge on the topic, especially on legal and policy issues. A few were not aware (until the movie) that abortion had ever been illegal. There is a general perception that abortion is uniformly available and easy to get. We talked a bit about issues of access, particularly around insurance and healthcare reform, and about the personhood amendment and what is happening in Mississippi. For almost all of them this was brand new knowledge.

How can we move forward if no one is even aware of the issues?

That Time In The Semester*

2011-10-26T19:56:00.000-04:00

It is that time in the semester. The time that, at the beginning of the semester, I claimed would not come this time. It is the time when no matter how hard I try, I can't catch up. It is the time I start eating poorly and skipping workouts (sometimes just to get a little more sleep in the morning and other times to prep a class).

I was convinced that "that time" would only last 2 weeks this semester and be done by the end of fall break. Unfortunately I somehow forgot that I was giving two presentations at a conference next week. The presentations are based on papers already (or mostly) written but they still require preparing. I will be at the conference from Sunday to Wednesday and will not be doing any of my regular work while I'm there. This means that most of my work needs to be done before I go.

It will be a long weekend.

Today I organized a practice session for the doctoral students who will be presenting at the conference. It went exceptionally well but ate up 3 hours. It was great to see how far many of our students have come. They have interesting research topics, well designed studies, and know how to tell a good story. I was particularly happy that our newest cohort showed up to provide support and feedback and to see what their "older" peers can do.

**34 w's were used in this post.

Theory Project

2011-10-25T21:02:00.000-04:00

I have been exploring a theory from a different discipline than mine for a paper that I am writing. I am going to submit this paper to a journal that is in this other discipline and it will not be received well unless I ground the paper in a theory that is relevant to the field. I was not sure this would be possible when I first started searching for a suitable theory.

But the theory that I found fits very well and is helping me think about both my paper and my analysis in very different ways. Luckily the founder of the theory has not only written extensively on the theory but writes in a very accessible and pragmatic manner. For someone outside of the discipline, this is incredibly useful.

There is another theory that I'm exploring for the paper. This is a theory I was very familiar with many years ago, when I was studying in a third field. I have not kept up with the theory but my prior understanding of it is instrumental to how I am interpreting the data. I dug into the literature to find something more recent than my ancient notes and was surprised to find the theory had morphed considerably since I last explored it. In fact it has even changed names twice. The current version of the theory is actually a much better fit for this particular paper and for my work in general.

I've been reading about these two theories simultaneously and I'm interested in how they speak to each other across fields; where they converge and where they depart. There is a third theory in yet another field that I've been applying to my work for the past couple of years. It would be very interesting to see what all of these theories have to say to one another and then to incorporate that dialogue into my field.

Each theory, in its own way, relates to relationships within families. This is a large part of my current work and my discipline does not do a good job of addressing families (theoretically or practically). So I'm thinking of a paper project where I analyze these theories in conjunction to each other and to my field and see what I come up with. It is an intriguing thought and, if nothing else, would be useful to shaping the direction of my work. But in thinking about it I realize it is a type of paper I have not really seen in any of the fields where I work and read. Why don't we cross-analyze theories?

Adult Learners

2011-10-24T22:34:00.000-04:00

This semester I am teaching both undergraduates and doctoral students. After teaching for over 5 years in both programs I am finally beginning to understand the difference between the two types of students.

Of course there are the obvious differences. A lot of faculty focus on the difference in motivation: graduate students (especially doctoral students) want to be in school and have a vested interest in the field while many undergraduates feel college is mandatory and do not have a fondness for academics generally or the field specifically. I suppose this changes by institution, field and program but the majority of our undergraduates are just doing time.

But the difference I've really narrowed in on lately is the ability to be vulnerable. Undergraduates (at least traditionally-aged undergraduates--undergraduates are a pretty diverse group these days and I know I am over-simplifying here) are used to not knowing material. They have been effectively trained throughout their K-12 education that they don't know much and the teacher knows everything. This is unfortunate as many of us know a lot less than we think and some of us would welcome being challenged on what we do know. An effective undergraduate teacher needs to provide them with opportunities to challenge not only what they know but what others (particularly those in authority) know and then be able to evaluate the difference. They need to own their knowledge enough to be vulnerable when it is challenged. There is less vulnerability because they have less to lose. They need to learn how to push their knowledge and to push back when others, such as their teachers, make knowledge claims. I haven't mastered this yet by any means but I am recognizing that this is what my students need.

Doctoral students are in a very different position. Most of them are coming back to school and are accomplished adults. To get into a doctoral program is not easy and ours requires you already have a masters' degree. This means we are teaching individuals who have a level of expertise in our (or a related) field and most have been working professionals for some time. They are talented, intelligent, motivated and used to excelling in their area. In their very first semester of the doctoral program this confidence is being shaken. They are recognizing all that they do not know; all that they have to learn; and are beginning to question if they really are all that they thought they were. Many have a very difficult time being vulnerable in the classroom or in their assignments.

Vulnerability is incredibly important for learning. You can only learn if you are open and being open makes you vulnerable. Most (young) undergraduates are used to being open and don't feel defensive about acquiring new knowledge (that is not to say they can't be resistant; there are many ways that people resist learning). Being vulnerable is a risky business and adults who have gained a sense of competence and confidence are reluctant to put themselves in that position again. I am learning how to recognize this reluctance and to help students work through it. For many it is helpful to acknowledge their expertise and to allow them to be comfortable with the discomfit of being a novice again.

I gave feedback on papers to both my undergraduate and my doctoral students last week. Most of it was negative. The undergraduates were concerned with their grades. If the grade was even marginally good they didn't feel the need to see the feedback. If the grade was bad, their only concern was the ramifications for their final grade. The doctoral students reacted very differently. I had two in my office today to discuss their papers. The underlying concern was that this meant they might not be who they thought they were. I could see the dreaded imposter syndrome rearing its ugly head. With each of them I discussed writing as an continuous learning process and I acknowledge what they could do. I let my students know that I expect them to struggle and that I deliberately give them difficult assignments so that they will be forced to do so. I expect them to learn from their assignments and they do.

I feel confident in my ability to make the classroom safe spaces for my doctoral students; a space to admit what they don't know; to stretch themselves and, occasionally, to fall down. Sometimes it takes private conversations like the ones I had today to help establish that trust. I feel less confident in my ability to push my undergraduates. I don't really buy that they don't care. I'm sure there are a few who truly don't; a few who don't know why they are in college in the first place; but I am convinced that no one wants to do poorly and that most people want to push their understanding of a topic as long as you can hook them on the topic in the first place. Now I need to find that hook.

Golden Hour 2

2011-10-23T21:32:00.000-04:00

Different day. Same lake. Charged battery.

Maternal Desire

2011-10-22T12:51:00.003-04:00

blue milk has re-posted one of her many fascinating posts. In this one she discusses maternal desire and claims that it may be as hard to describe maternal desire to someone who hasn't experienced it as it is to describe sexual desire to someone with no libido. This statement brought me back to my very early twenties.

I remember being hit with the physical sensation of maternal desire at 22 or 23. It was amazingly strong and oftentimes overwhelming. At the time I likened it to both sexual desire and hunger pains only it was embodied in a different organ. I felt desire in my uterus. If you've never felt this than there is no explaining it but once it is there it is difficult to ignore.

I knew I would be a mother for as long as I can remember. This was a fact I carried around with me the same way I embodied my gender. I didn't play with dolls when I was young (although I had a large collection of stuffed animals) and I never was (and to this day am still not) much of a baby person. I don't think all babies are cute or all children are precious. I wasn't particularly interested in babysitting (except to raise some cash). I never imagined my wedding or thought much about a husband. But I knew I would be a mother someday in the future.

In my early twenties I was firmly established in a relationship and had just finished college. The desire started slowly when I first became an aunt. It was the first time I had a claim to a child. I remember being fascinated by my niece (to be honest I remain fascinated by her today, she is extraordinary) in a way I had never been fascinated by a baby before. In a year or two, the desire started to take hold and I noticed a physical sensation that could not be satisfied in any other way.

This desire propelled me to turn my established relationship into a marriage and, less than a year later, start an aggressive campaign to get pregnant (as is my way I couldn't just start trying, I had to make it a project). Two months later I had achieved my goal. Given the physicality of my desire, I assumed I would enjoy pregnancy. I figured it would be similar to enjoying a good meal after you've fasted. If I had thought that through I would have realized the error of my ways. You barely notice food after a sustained hunger and you usually end up eating too much and feeling bloated and uncomfortable afterwards. That was pretty much my experience with getting and being pregnant.

In an exceptionally blessed and privileged life, being Angel's mother has been the highlight. Once he was born, I never felt that desire again. I felt something vaguely similar when he left for college. Luckily I was able to recognize it for what it was: a physical desire to have HIM again, not any random baby.

These days I notice the urge for a grandchild is growing but those feelings are embodied in my arms.

Golden Hour Fail

2011-10-21T22:57:00.002-04:00

SouthLite has a lot of lakes. It also has a lot of trails and many of them are by the lakes. b and I have been running on one of these lake trails in the mornings. Whenever when we run I think about how I'd like to shoot the lake in the "golden hour" (or magic hour, whichever you prefer).

As wonderful as the golden hour is, I find it hard to get away from whatever it is I'm doing when it arrives. Today I was determined to make it happen. Since I was working at home and it was a beautiful day, it seemed like the odds were in my favor. I finished working early, cleaned the kitchen and prepped dinner, and then grabbed my camera and jumped into the car.

The lake is about 10 minutes away from my house but the road that leads to it is a busy one and the golden hour is right around rush hour these days. So after a bit of traffic I made it to the marina. The lake was quiet and beautiful. I was very excited. I took out my camera and started shooting.

Alas, before I could even get into my groove, the camera died. It seems I made the classic mistake of not checking my equipment and the battery needed recharging. So I got back into the car, drove back through the same traffic, and tried to save the few shots I got with Photoshop.

Tomorrow is another day.

Giving Feedback

2011-10-20T23:32:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking about how we learn to give feedback. Giving feedback is a critical skill in academia. We don't usually call it feedback, instead we conduct peer reviews and we grade papers. But how are we actually taught to do these things? I remember being given opportunities to review papers as a doctoral student but no one really showed me how it was done. As for grading, I was taught how to develop rubrics but there was no instruction on how to provide feedback for a poorly written assignment. I was very lucky to have mentors and editors who provided extensive and painful reviews of my work. This not only taught me to be a better writer but I believe it taught me how to provide constructive criticism to others.

I have taught peer reviews in both my undergraduate and graduate classes. Depending on how much time I have to devote to the topic, my instruction ranges from just providing a framework to showing effective reviews and discussing the review process. As much as I can, I assign writing in drafts to allow for feedback before the final product is turned in. Often I can arrange it so that each student gets feedback from me as well as from a peer. Sometimes the peer feedback is helpful but there are many times when it is not.

Regardless of how I instruct students to do peer reviews, good reviews seem to come from good writers. If you have spent time working on your own writing it is easier to see what is not working in someone else's writing. If you are clueless in your own writing, it is pretty difficult to provide a meaningful critique of someone else's work. Or perhaps it is associated with the ability to read critically. Good writers are usually good readers and learning to read as a writer is one of the best ways to improve your own writing.

Most of my students appreciate my feedback. They don't enjoy it in the moment but it helps them get to the next step for that particular paper and for their writing overall. On doctoral committees I am often the one providing the most indepth feedback. I provide feedback on both issues of design and issues of writing. Sometimes this means I end up reading more drafts than other committee members, even when I am the outside member. I don't like the additional workload but I'd rather help out early than have to critique a poorly written dissertation right before a defense.

Some advisors provide very little feedback. My gut reaction is that this is not a sign of laziness or disinterest in a student. It does take a lot of time to provide useful feedback but I find most of my colleagues are willing to invest that time in their students, especially their doctoral students. Instead I think it comes from discomfort with the process. This is probably a combination of not liking to tear apart someone's work (although many people are comfortable doing this in a blind review) and not knowing how to give helpful feedback. Like students, many academics struggle with their own writing. Technically they may have stronger writing skills than their students (although as a group academics are not known for writing well) but they struggle to put words on paper on a consistent schedule.

It is interesting to me that we spend years receiving specialized training in our field but so very little attention is paid to developing skills for the tasks we need to do on a daily basis: teach, write, review.

RBOC: Can't Manage A Coherent Post Edition

2011-10-19T22:31:00.000-04:00

Day O"Advising is done and I couldn't be happier. It went fine. There were problems. Maybe they'll be fixed next time or maybe it can't be fixed. I don't really care. I'm just glad I don't have to advise anyone tomorrow.
I seem to know a lot of people who are breaking up or have broken-up recently. They are all women. Most of them are doing/have done the breaking up. In talking with them it brings back memories of leaving my ex. The stories are all so similar.
Angel is thinking about applying to this school. It looks very cool and very expensive. While the job placement rate is extremely high, it is not a degree-granting institution. That makes me nervous.
Pumpkin is applying for a new job. She has a job and feels guilty applying for another one. The new job would be a better match for her interests but over the long run won't pay as well. I think she is perfect for the new job but she just found out that a friend, who already has two graduate degrees and has worked for the organization previously, is also applying. She is worried. She sent her application in yesterday and today they scheduled an interview. I am not so worried.
The President visited SouthLite recently and worked out at my gym. He was there early in the morning but b and I slept in that day. Of course.
Yesterday I finished grading all the papers in my possession. Tomorrow I get a new set.
The w and q on my keyboard have stopped working. I will have to send my laptop away for 5 days to get it fixed. You don't realize how often you use the w until you can't do it any longer.
b wanted me to type "doubleu" and "cue" instead. It would look something like this: The doubleu and cue on my keyboard have stopped doubleuorking. I doubluill have to send my laptop adoubleuay for 5 days to get it fixed. You don't realize hodoubleu often you use the doubleu until you can't do it any longer. I opted to attach an external keyboard instead. You're welcome.

The Mid-Semester Blues

2011-10-18T22:10:00.000-04:00

My students were driving me a little crazy today. To clarify, I mean my undergraduate students. My doctoral student writing group met today and much progress has been made. The undergrads were a very different story.

The story may need a little context. We are now just halfway through the semester. We've just come back from fall break. They have gotten 65% of their grade for the semester. Several failed the mid-term and only a handful did well on the paper. I'm not happy and they're not happy (well most of them are not happy and 4 of them dropped the class).

The class was much smaller today. In addition to the 4 drops, 8 were absent and 4 came in late. One of the people who came in late also left very early. Several others seemed to have urgent bathroom needs. Did I mention I was not happy?

I'll admit, today's topic is not one of my favorites and the format was almost completely lecture. I prefer discussion but there was very little of that happening today. I realized later when I recorded the attendance that at least half of those absent were my best students (and the ones I can count on for an interesting discussion). To be fair, I generally find my interest in teaching any class decreases considerably at the halfway mark. I think if my semester was 8 weeks long, I'd get bored at week 4.

We have some serious issues going on in our undergraduate program. We are working on correcting them but I'm afraid it will take a few years. In the meantime it is brutal getting through these classes. Our enrollment has grown so much in the last few years that we can no longer use our regular advising system. Tomorrow we are trying out a new system where we will be advising in groups for about 6 hours straight. Somehow I don't think my mood will improve.

Fields of Inquiry

2011-10-17T21:22:00.001-04:00

I've been thinking a bit about fields lately. Not the kind found at the end of a path in the woods (although I really like that kind), not the kind where you conduct naturalistic research, and certainly not the kind with four bases. I've been thinking about research fields; scholarly disciplines; fields of inquiry.

I gave my doctoral students an assignment that involved them reading an essay on the philosophy of science and mixed methods. To make his argument the author positioned paradigms as shared belief within a field of inquiry or a community of researchers. While I buy parts of his argument, that doesn't work for me as a working definition of scientific paradigms. However I realize I am probably influenced by my lack of serious grounding in any one field. I have a very hard time identifying my community of researchers.

The discipline in which I received my training is different from the discipline in which I have conducted research for over twenty years. I tend to identify with the field in which I work and not the field in which I was trained. But with no true credentials in this field, I am often considered a bit of an outsider. It is a very interdisciplinary field so it hasn't been a large problem in terms of getting positions or funding but there are subtle exclusions. I've felt them the most in my current position when it comes to discussions of curriculum and teaching opportunities.

Since my adopted field is interdisciplinary, we tend to publish in other people's fields. We play in a lot of people's sandboxes, especially when it comes to publications. At least I thought we all did. Now I'm realizing that even in an interdisciplinary field, most researchers tend to find a focused set of outlets (in terms of journals and conferences) and set up shop. I haven't done this. My CV is rather all over the place. I believe this is contributing to my long list of rejections lately. I'm treading into areas where I am an outsider.

I've also been thinking about fields of inquiry because I'm reading a fair amount of theory in other fields. I like theory. I like reading about it. I like thinking about it. I like finding ways to apply new theories to my work. I even have a fledgling theory that I'm trying to develop. However theories overlap across fields (they also diverge in interesting ways but there is a lot of overlap) and it should not be so difficult to accept a theory from another field. Yet sometimes it is.

So I've found a theory that I really like that is in a field I know pretty much nothing about. I've been reading a lot about this theory, mostly articles and books written by the theory's founder. In doing so I've been really struck by the benefit of immersing oneself so firmly in one field (and this case one theory). It is not that she hasn't learned from other disciplines, she certainly has, but her focus for developing the theory, evaluating the theory, and writing about the theory is all soundly in her field.

It would be nice to be so firmly positioned but I realize this never would or could be me. I enjoy hopping around to much to ever stay in one field. I like making analogies and connections across disciplines. I feel I learn much more this way. In fact lately I have plans to position my work in three additional fields (or subfields). I don't know where this all will lead me but I imagine it is going to take me longer to get there.

Angel's Fall Break

2011-10-16T21:10:00.002-04:00

It is almost 9pm on Sunday night and Angel just left. It has been a very very different fall break than the one I had planned. I planned a replay of last year's fall break: me, b and Pupzilla spending a week on the beach. I imagined it sunny but not too warm. I imagined b cooking delicious dinners while I did a little grading. I imagined yoga in my room, long walks (maybe a few runs) on the beach and an occasional swim.

What I got was a deluge of rain here in SouthLite, no beach, and over four days of nonstop grading. By the time grading and my official fall break was over, Angel's was just beginning. As I mentioned recently, Angel has a very different relationship with my home this semester. It is actually the relationship I thought he would have three years ago when he first went to college. He not only decided to spend his entire fall break at our house but he had to bring one of his best friends (and roommate).

The friend is a great guy. At 6'5", he is a taller version of Angel. He is sensitive, sweet and sarcastic. He is incredibly polite and appreciative. He and Angel spent the entire break sitting with me at my kitchen table doing homework and talking. They are very funny together. Their work is constantly interrupted by media: sharing youtube and hulu videos, repeating favorite lines from favorite comedians, naming the melody and composer of movie soundtracks, and watching videogame tournaments. I'm not sure how they actually get any work done.

I sat with them doing my own work and answering questions about graduate school applications, research methodology, and paper writing. They showed me all of their favorite Portlandia episodes (if you haven't seen them, they are quite funny). When I wasn't sitting I was up cooking, baking or cleaning up. They eat a lot those two young men.

We had a great time with them. b had some quality time swapping comedic routines and media references with them and actually did the bulk of the cooking and baking. They were supposed to leave early (or their version of early) this morning and I had planned a recovery day for myself. Now it is 9 o'clock and my week starts tomorrow. Angel's parting words included "I'll be back in two weeks." I think I may need to rest up.

Sex, Roses, Babies and Book Club

2011-10-15T22:33:00.000-04:00

My book club met today.

As usual there was booze and baked goods.

I've also been buying roses for the house and found these lovely yellow tea roses yesterday.

One of the book club members brought an honorary member. I was there when this little cutie drew his first breath. He was adorable then and just keeps getting cuter with time.

We read A Little Sugar In My Bowl: Real Women Talk About Real Sex. We are all real women. We talked about sex in the essays and sex in our lives.

Scenes From An Historic Park

2011-10-14T23:02:00.000-04:00

On Rejections

2011-10-13T23:35:00.000-04:00

Just the other night I had finished up a post and was closing my laptop to get ready for bed when I checked my email one last time. It was right before midnight and one lone email popped up. It was a decision email from an editor rejecting my paper. Who sends out rejection emails at midnight?

I have certainly received rejections throughout my career but lately they have been coming fast and furious. I have not had an acceptance in a long time. Actually I should say I have not had an acceptance where I was the first author in a long time. My students and colleagues that write with me have faired much better than me as of late. It has been over a year since I've even received a revise and resubmit on a first authored publication.

At first I thought it was because I was not spending enough time and careful attention on my own work. I still believe this was true but not for the last few manuscripts. I may be picking the wrong journals but this last paper has been rejected by two journals in the past 4 months and both of them were very carefully selected.

So I need to ask myself, what exactly is going on? Unfortunately there are a lot of variables so it is difficult to pinpoint the problem. I could chalk it all up to a bad streak. However the one consistent thing that that has changed is the my perception of my writing and research topics. When I had less difficulty getting published I thought most of my work was rather boring and not all that unique. Sure there was something in each manuscript that hadn't been asked before, but that something felt rather minor. Lately my work has felt a bit more cutting-edge. I'm trying to merge fields; I'm using riskier (at least for my field) methodology; I'm asking unique questions.

I am also operating on a smaller scale. In my last position I had the luxury of large grants (which generated large datasets) and a famous PI. Our methodology, though conservative, was sound. Currently most of my work is put together on a shoestring. I make it happen by my efforts, a student research team and (if I'm lucky) a few extra dollars thrown to me from my university.

I think it is possible to be successful in academia asking unique questions with risky methodology but you probably need the resources and the backing that I had before. I also think it is possible to be successful doing smaller scale work, but you may have to be more conservative. Or perhaps it is something completely different. Perhaps I have just not found my voice in this new area yet. Science is incredibly conservative and new ideas need to be introduced carefully. I know this from my training. The problem is I don't know if I have the patience.

My ideas are well received in conferences and presentations. People seem excited about what I am doing when I talk to them about it. Normally I would say that they are just being kind but my previous experience tells me that academics enjoy telling you what is wrong with your thinking or methodology, even to your face.

I don't need a lot of new publications. I have published a lot for someone at my level. Also I have the luxury of tenure and I continue to publish (although not as first author as of late). One of the problems with the rejections is that I need to keep working on the same manuscripts. I want to get them out because I am wedded to them. They not only represent a significant amount of my time, effort, and thought but they also represent the voices of my participants and I feel they deserve a chance to be heard. At the same time I have at least a dozen (actually it is getting close to 14) new papers that are somewhere in the analysis/writing stage. More importantly, I have a desire for bigger projects. I have several book-length projects in mind but I don't feel I can start them until I've cleared away most of these papers.

My manuscripts are beginning to feel like children who refuse to leave the nest.

Touch Typing

2011-10-12T22:31:00.000-04:00

I was thinking about the post I wrote last month where I listed the five most important decisions of my adult life. While these are certainly the monumental decisions, it feels like there have been dozens of small ones and each of those have ended up making a large impact in my life. One such decision was to learn how to "touch type."

I had the opportunity to learn when I was in middle school. It was one of the electives we were offered. I remember at the time thinking there was no way I'd want to type. It was so secretarial. Instead I took sewing. I'm not sure how that was any better but I ended up making a toy daschund, which I gave to my sister.

Fast forward a few years and I landed my first job. It was in retail and I was a cashier. I was only on a register for a few months when they promoted me to the "back office." Most of my responsibilities revolved around counting money, making change and answering the phone. Still it was fun. I liked my colleagues, was usually pretty busy, and felt important. There were some internal politics and I ended up getting highly offended. I quit in a fit of righteous indignation. The next day I realized I didn't have a job or the money to pay the bills.

So I found another job. It was also in retail and I was again in the back office. This time I wasn't counting money but doing even more meaningless tasks. The owners were horribly racist and I was miserable. I decided I needed a real job, which to me meant an office job out of retail. However all of those jobs required I pass a typing test first.

This was still in the days before personal computers so typing as something you did on a typewriter. I had an old manual one I used to henpeck out my papers for college but that wasn't going to cut it. So I enrolled in a class at the local YMCA. I remember sitting in a dingy room with banks of big clunky electric typewriters. The instructor would have us type some inane sentence (the quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog) and you would hear everybody's keys clacking away. I tried hard to get a rhythm for it in the 4 weeks of the class.

By the time it was over I wasn't fast or particularly proficient but I did have the keyboard memorized. I applied for many jobs, went on several interviews, and did really poorly on all the typing tests. I finally did well enough to land a job in a manufacturing department of a publishing firm. Ironically, that job eventually opened the door for two of my sisters to get positions and each of them met their husbands in the company.

My boss was incredibly patient with me. I typed all of 40 words a minute and most of the words contained an error. The bulk of my job was to type up orders, which came in sevenplicate. This meant that when I made a mistake I had to white out all seven copies. My boss would look at my mangled orders, sigh and sign them. I was supposed to practice my typing during my down time and I usually did. We had a lot of down time and I made friends with the woman across from me. She was a writer and we would each type out long letters to one another (or she would type stories and I would type letters) since we were supposed to look busy and not talk too much.

Eventually I improved but by the time I did was promoted to a position that didn't require much typing. I kept it up anyway. When I finally left that job, my speed and proficiency at typing tests landed me several other administrative jobs. In most of them my typing tasks were minimal but my accounting skills were well utilized. I was now counting money on spreadsheets. It is interesting that I never had to take a math test. My bookkeeping skills were always assumed.

Of course now it is completely different. Everyone has computers and everyone types. All the typing I do know is straight from my head to my fingers (a far more efficient system to be sure). But it was that silly typing class and overcoming the obstacle of the typing test that set me on my way.

b's Adventure

2011-10-11T18:39:00.000-04:00

Regular readers will remember our cross-continent trip this past summer. I posted about it here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, and here.

Prior to (and reason for) our trip, b and a friend had their own adventure, paddling The Inside Passage. This is a trip that b has spent over 10 years planning. He's written about the trip and the planning process on his blog, Paddling Otaku.

While on the trip, he shot a lot of video. Since coming home he's been busy editing the video into three short films. Each episode can be found on his blog but I thought I'd post the Paddle North Trilogy here, for your viewing pleasure.

Here is my multi-talented husband having his version of fun.

Teaser Trailer

Episode 1

Episode 2

Episode 3

Angel's Senior Year

2011-10-10T22:50:00.001-04:00

It is hard to believe but Angel is a senior in college and will be graduating next May. When he was a senior in high school I was prepared for a change in his behavior and in our relationship. From what I had heard, senior year was when he would begin to pull away and there would be some negative behavior/interactions around that process. It didn't happen. It didn't happen during the gap year that followed either.

What did happen (for those of you who didn't live through it with me) was he pretty much disappeared the day he went to college. We barely heard from him (when we did it was because he needed help) and he rarely came home. In fact he didn't even make it home for Christmas (or the entire winter break) his first year. He did come home that first summer but it wasn't a happy time for any of us.

At the end of his sophomore year he moved out of the dorms and into his own place. This was a great move and for the past year and a half we have had a nice but not terribly close relationship. We occasionally visit him and he comes here on holidays. We communicate by phone, email, and text. Three quarters of the time we hear from him because he needs help (mostly money) but there are some conversations that are purely for enjoyment. I can't say I love it but I'm used to it. I miss him but I'm used to missing him.

This year is a little different. He is coming up to see us for fall break. He was up a few weeks ago and tried to come up last week. He and I have had a couple of multiple-hour phone calls and I hear from him several times a week. He has also been calling and relying on his father more than ever before. Most of this renewed attention is because he needs help accomplishing some big tasks this year. He has a research project for his capstone course and he's been picking my brain on methodology. He is also looking into graduate school and preparing for a cross-country bike ride that includes fund-raising for a worthy cause.

He told me he likes to come here for the weekend because it is quiet, he gets a lot of work done, he saves money and he has a good time. The last part surprised me a bit.

He is anxious. Finishing college is a big step (and particularly scary in the current economic condition). I think part of him is ready to be done and the other part thinks he's not ready for the world. He really wants to be ready. He's making a big push to get himself there this year. What is interesting is that in pushing forward he has begun to reach back.

I expected the adolescent years to be the push/pull of dependence and independence but it seems there is a fair amount of it happening in the young adult years. I remember being on my own at his age. My family was not in a position to provide a safety net in case I couldn't make it or a safe haven for when I was feeling anxious and overwhelmed. I'm happy to be able to do that for him and I'm enjoying his company while I have it.

Our Girl

2011-10-09T22:04:00.001-04:00

Mostly she sleeps; on the couch, on her bed and, in the afternoon, on the sunny spot of the living room floor. Some mornings we need to coax her just to get her to go outside. She has many bumps and moles. Her snout is almost completely white; she has arthritis in her left knee; and she no longer sees very well in the dark. She is still quick to remind us that it is dinnertime and waits patiently for scraps while we cook. Sometimes she forgets to leave the room when we're eating but eventually she goes, with a sigh. She digs holes in her bed trying to get it just right. Tonight we found her crawled inside one large hole with her face peering out of another--like a child snuggled up in a sleeping bag. But throughout it all she's our girl and we love her.

Red Red Roses

2011-10-08T23:12:00.000-04:00

Moses supposes his toeses are roses

But Moses supposes erroneously

For nobody's toeses are posies of roses

As Moses supposes his toeses to be

Click here for the original

In Which We Don't Go To The Beach

2011-10-08T00:07:00.001-04:00

This morning we pulled the plug on the beach vacation. We had been iffy on the financial prudence of the trip from the beginning and there was more than a little threat of rain for the entire time we would be there (of course now the forecast is changing). I am fine with the decision and am hoping we can make it happen for spring break. b, I think, is sadder.

So there is still tons of grading in front of me but also a full week of not having a reason to go into the office. We will make plans as the days go by. Angel and a friend may come up at the end of the week for their fall break.

I spent several hours grading the first set of undergraduate papers today. It was painful. I know grading is always abhorrent and our students have serious writing deficits but this was particularly painful. I tried a new assignment and it was really bad. I think it could eventually be a good (and important) assignment but this version is quite bad. So I am stuck figuring out grades that are fair for their lack of ability and effort but also fair for the poor quality of the assignment.

One of the (several) reasons why the assignment was bad is that it depended on peer reviews. I believe (strongly) in draft writing for my students. If I don't force them to write in drafts they will hand in what they wrote the night before. With almost 50 students I can't provide feedback and grade drafts. In fact just grading the final product is going to take upwards of three days (again, partly my own fault because of the suckitude of the assignment). Most (if not all) of my colleagues do not give written assignments for classes of 50 and above. So I thought I'd compromise and give one small assignment in two drafts with peer reviewers providing feedback between the drafts. The problem with the plan is that the students don't know how to write and therefore most don't provide adequate feedback. In fact some give quite wrong feedback.

Students, in general, don't understand the meaning of revision. In most cases I'm finding very little difference between draft one and draft two and some very complimentary peer reviews (they have to hand the whole packet in: original, peer review and final). So as I am reading the final products I am realizing I needed to provide several lessons: (1) on the original assignment idea (which focused on reading in my discipline); (2) on writing; (3) on giving a peer review; and (4) on revising. None of this, of course, is possible in the time I have to teach the course content.

As found in many other universities, we have a policy for integrating writing across the curriculum. This means teaching writing isn't supposed to only happen in students' general education requirements, such as English, but instead should happen in their major as well. The current policy has every major offering a course that focuses on writing and that course is supposed to be capped at a certain size (certainly not 50). My course is not the course. My course isn't even a required course in the major. But I believe in writing so there is a lot of writing in my course but this is the only assignment that provides feedback on writing.

The problem is enrollment has increased dramatically and it is difficult for some departments (including mine) to cover these writing courses for all their majors. The university is trying to come up with a new system but the current suggestion, in my opinion, doesn't solve the problem. However it will probably hide it.

I believe students should graduate college knowing how to write clearly; how to organize and present their thoughts in a written format. I know they won't learn that (a) in one or two courses only and (b) without getting feedback between drafts. I also believe their reading comprehension and critical thinking skills should increase from their college experience. I believe writing helps there too. This assignment has done none of the above.

I am amazed when I read Angel's drafts, not because they are perfect but because I know where his writing was in high school. I also see the connection between his ability to think and analyze text and his increasing ability to write. I want the same for my students. Unfortunately in the current climate it makes more sense for me to drop the assignment completely than to make it a useful one.

Fall Break Eve

2011-10-06T22:07:00.002-04:00

Fall Break officially begins on Saturday, as we have Monday and Tuesday off. However I have no classes and no meetings tomorrow, which makes tonight Fall Break Eve for me. There are some beach plans in our future but there is also a whole lot of grading in mine. I have 50 undergraduate papers, 50 undergraduate mid-term exams, 7 doctoral papers, and 1 dissertation paper to grade. Some of it will be done on the car ride to the beach.

In addition to grading, I have some paper writing and data analysis that absolutely has to get done next week. There's also a conference at the end of the month where I am committed to giving two presentations and they aren't going to prepare themselves. Hard to imagine there will be room for fun but I plan on quite a lot. There will definitely be some photography, long walks on the beach, yoga in the hotel room, snuggles with b and Pupzilla, and the next book club book.

High Culture

2011-10-05T23:18:00.000-04:00

I've been enjoying the cultural life here in SouthLite. We have a great little theatre and b and I try to go once a season. Last week we went to see their rendition of Dial M For Murder. It was quite fun. We also have a historic film theatre that now shows classics as well as live performances. It was the place where I discovered Ruthie Foster. More recently we stopped in for a showing of Singing in the Rain.

Tonight I went with a colleague to the theatre at my university. I had never been before. I had heard that our theatre and music departments were excellent so I as looking forward to the evening. They did a steam punk-inspired version of ThreePenny Opera. I had never seen the show before. I was impressed with both the show and the performances. Who knew that was where Mack the Knife came from?

This weekend Angel is coming up for a visit. We're hoping to take him to a two man play in the local cabaret. One of the two men is a friend of ours and I've been told he does half the play in drag. Next month Angel is coming up to see Lewis Black with us and then we have a staged version of A Christmas Carol to look forward to in December.

Ironically I see more theatre and live music here than I ever did in The City of Pizza and Bagels.

Writing Group

2011-10-04T22:43:00.001-04:00

Last year I started a writing group with my doctoral students. It is primarily a support/accountability group. We meet every two weeks for coffee and to update each other on where we are with a current project or product. Attendance was spotty the first year but by the end we had a small core group that volunteered to keep the group going during the summer.

We had a meeting today and many of my regulars from last year had to miss it. However we have had an influx of new members this year, including 4 first year students who showed up for the first time today. The first years were very excited to be invited to the group and some of them took notes.

Standard advice is that these types of groups should not combine faculty and students. I believe the thinking is that (a) faculty can be intimidating (making students less likely to be open and honest and making it harder for students to get the support that they need) and (b) it can become an instructional group, with students looking to faculty members for instructions on writing. I don't feel that this is happening with my group but my original intention was to get it started and then back out.

Today we had a discussion about the composition of the group: whether more faculty should be invited or whether it should be faculty-free. The group was quite clear that they didn't want it changed from its present configuration. We share problems that arise in the process of writing and I do give more "tips" than any other member. I find myself fluctuating between mentor and group member and I haven't been completely comfortable with it. Today I was told that the mentor role is critical for them and they don't want to lose it.

Last year progress on completing writing products were slow for many group members. I felt like the accountability part of the group was not working. Today however I was pleasantly surprised with the progress that people have been making (myself included). It finally feels like it is coming together.

Sad and Sweet

2011-10-03T23:27:00.000-04:00

Schmutzie invited us to share a post about tasty, sad sweet endings. I don't know that tasty fits the bill here but I have a strange love of cemeteries. I love the quiet and peace and the finality of it all. Here are a few cemetery shots I've been meaning to share.

RBOC: Favorite Hobbies Edition

2011-10-02T12:41:00.000-04:00

Just came back from Sunday morning yoga class. I'll spend the afternoon working and then head out for Sunday evening yoga class. I'm averaging 5-6 classes a week and 1-2 at home practices.
This morning's class was focused on the back and Warrior 3. Warrior 3 feels especially challenging to me. At the end of class I asked the instructor if we could do more Warrior 3 in tomorrow morning's class. Yes I am that kind of masochist when it comes to yoga.
I think about yoga a lot. Sometimes it pops into my head before I go to sleep; sometimes when I first wake up. I read about it when I can and I even watched Enlighten Up (which wasn't very good) just because it was about yoga. This obsession reminds me of how I first felt about martial arts when I started that at 16. Somehow that's comforting.
My obsession is becoming known among my doctoral students. I managed to turn 1 of them onto it and she's brought another into the pack. A third student hasn't done it in years but just sent us all a calendar for her favorite ex-teacher. It looks like we're going to have a little yoga field trip.
I haven't been baking very much. I haven't been that interested in doing it (the hot summer may have had something to do with that) and I'm trying to eat healthier. But last night I baked one of my new favorites: cinnamon chocolate chip sour cream coffee cake. The recipe is from my favorite blog for baking.

The coffee cake was amazing. I ate two small pieces and gave two large pieces to b (I'm bad that way). The recipe makes a lot so I had him bring most of it into work today.
He just texted me that half of it is already gone and he's been there less than 15 minutes.
Last night was also pizza night. The crust was perfect this time. I now only make pizza in cast iron skillets.

I haven't been doing much photography lately either. Work definitely gets in the way of my hobbies.
Last night I took some shots of the pizza and coffee cake. I didn't think about the shots, I just wanted something for that other social media I sometimes update. However when I pulled them onto my computer I found shots of dying yellow roses that I had forgotten.
Every once in a while I like to play with textures. I belong to Kim Klassen's Texture-Lovin' Group and get weekly freebies. So last night I played with the yellow rose shots and some textures. The result was a blog post.
Blogging is one of my favorite hobbies.

Yellow Rose of Texture

2011-10-01T23:34:00.000-04:00

Kim Klassen's If Only

Kim Klassen's Silence

Kim Klassen's Thursday

Kim Klassen's Stamped Softly

Five Decisions

2011-09-28T20:43:00.000-04:00

Schmutzie answered the question "what are the five best decisions of your adult life so far?" I thought I'd do the same. Here they are:

Getting pregnant: The decision to get pregnant was a very visceral feeling for me. My body ached with the desire to have a child. I was fairly young but it was a very conscious choice and I set out to do it as quickly as possible. The result was Angel...enuf said.
Going to graduate school: The decision to go to college was a no-brainer. It was an important one and I'm glad I did it but I can't imagine a world where I didn't make that decision. I also decided to purse a masters' degree but that decision was made from a lack of knowing what else to do with my time. I decided to get my doctorate after I had Angel and life was busy and hectic. I had a good job, was making good money, and did not need the degree but I really wanted it. Without it I couldn't have the career I have today and I love my career.
Leaving my ex: This is the most painful decision I've made in my life to date. It was years in the making. It tore both him and Angel up. I felt tremendous guilt over the latter but it saved my life.
Joining an online dating service: It was a conscious decision to join an online service after I left my ex. I wanted to date and as a single mother working full-time and going to graduate school (with mostly female colleagues), the chances of doing it any other way were pretty slim. Once that decision was made everything else fell into place: meeting b, convincing him to go on the first and second dates, sticking around until he figured out he loved me, moving in together, buying a house, getting married. I suppose most people would choose the decision to marry as the more important but the marrying was far less significant than the road that led to bringing him into my life.
Moving away: We were all ready, more than ready, to leave UpNorth when we did. It was difficult and painful but I believe I've grown in ways I never could have if I had stayed in my home city my entire life.

A Little Late But Never Old

2011-09-27T10:45:00.002-04:00

I'm late in sharing this with you (because somehow my world has gotten away from me again) but as it is a timeless piece, it will never grow old. Click through to experience Drax's comic.

Twenty Things I Am Doing While Not Writing a Blog Post

2011-09-25T22:48:00.000-04:00

Helping Angel with a semester-long research project
Lots of yoga
Making chocolate sauce and then dipping fruit in it
Revising a paper that I've rewritten twice already and just can't get right
Watching Dr. Drew on Celebrity Rehab
Rubbing Pupzilla's belly
Answering student emails in an attempt to clear up their confusion over the assignment
Reading other people's blog posts
Giving presentations
Snuggling b
Not cleaning my house
Reading dissertation proposals
Watching b's videos of his paddling trip
Worshipping The Brute
Not taking any pictures
Writing letters of recommendation
Hosting book clubs where no one read the book
Going to the theatre
Trail running
Wishing I was writing a blog post

Meta-Awareness

2011-09-16T23:25:00.000-04:00

I enjoyed this list the other day. I enjoyed it because I like lists; it's a good list; and it made me think. Mostly I liked it because it made me think about what I do and I really enjoy thinking about what I do. I particularly enjoy thinking about what I do while I am doing it.

I enjoy yoga because to learn it you need to think about what you are doing while you are doing it. You need to be aware of your body and the posture and your body in the posture. While you are doing all this thinking and posturing and thinking about posturing, you can suddenly become aware that you are aware of your body in the posture.

I really enjoy that.

When I write I am thinking about what I am writing and I'm thinking about how I'm writing while I'm writing. I enjoy writing because, like yoga, it is really difficult to get everything to align correctly but when it clicks into place it feels wonderful. I enjoy both writing and yoga because they feel like great big puzzles I have to figure out. No matter how many times I solve the puzzle, there is a new one waiting for me.

The psychology of flow involves getting beyond awareness but I find it so much more fascinating to hover above it; to live in the land of meta-awareness.

Watching Grown-Ups Grow Up

2011-09-14T23:09:00.001-04:00

The other day I wrote about how nice it was to spend time with my family's younger generation. It is an amazing thing to see people you've known since Day One (people who's diapers you've literally changed) as their grown-up selves. When they're little you know the day will come eventually but it is a different thing entirely when it is today.

Since moving here, b and I have developed close relationships with members of SouthLite's younger generation. These are people we have only known as their grown-up selves but they are at a point in their lives where a lot happens that matures you. It is a very different (and special) thing to see these grown-ups, grow up.

In the past five years our friends and mentees have: gotten engaged, gotten married, had babies; started their first job; graduated college, started graduate school, and graduated graduate school. While these are all positive events, some have also dealt with (or are dealing with) tragedy: break-ups and the death of a parent being the most common.

There is a great deal of stress and uncertainty in the young adult years. One of the benefits of aging is that those years are behind you. Life may still be difficult but you've dealt with it before. You've handled the stress of newness; of different; of grief and lived through it. You have a confidence in your forties that you can't really imagine in your twenties.

Many of say we would never go back. I certainly would never want to be younger than 30 and most days wouldn't leave my forties. However another joy of aging is watching, supporting, and assisting (when asked) those who are living through it all for the first time. The mentor-friend is a role I've come to cherish.

I enjoy our adopted group of twenty-somethings very much. I admire them for their humor, good nature, and perseverance. I am proud of them. I hope one day to sit around a table, sharing a glass of wine, and experiencing them in their forties.

Family Festivities

2011-09-07T19:53:00.000-04:00

Last weekend we headed north, to the City of Sisterly Love, for my sister C's wedding. As you may (or may not) remember, C and K (her betrothed) had asked me to officiate. After only a smidgeon of web-based fanfare, I became the Reverend Doctor Brigindo.

Friday afternoon I headed south to pick up Angel. Unfortunately I did not fully grasp the particulars of Labor Day Weekend traffic on a Friday afternoon and the trip time doubled in length. It was well worth the stop-and-go because I got quality time with Angel all weekend long. We've always been a family that travelled together well and road trips are a particular favorite.

In between all the traveling, Angel was picking out a road bike for The Journey of Hope ride that he wants to complete this summer. Saturday morning was for test riding the bikes and then we all hopped in the car for the 8-hour drive. Driving with Angel necessitates more food stops than driving with just b.

We reached our destination, checked into our fabulous hotel, and promptly went out for more food. The next morning I walked through the old section of the city snapping photos.

I am not a wedding person but this one was truly perfect. It took place late Sunday afternoon in a beautiful historic townhouse. It was a small, intimate affair with around 50 guests. The bride was stunning in a champagne dress. It was mostly a homegrown wedding. The bride's daughter was her Maid of Honor and also arranged the centerpieces. Our 10 year old niece was one of the bridesmaids, as was the daughter of my sister's good friend. Our nephew was the ring bearer and K's niece was the flower girl. K had both his sons standing beside him as Best Men. One of his son's read a selection from The Odyssey and the other was taking pictures throughout the day. Both mothers selected and read poems. In addition to K's son, both my niece's friend and b served as photographers.

As for my role as officiant, I feel I filled it well. I dressed all in black (black dress with long coat and I even wore heels for the occasion) and read from my iPad. C & K had given me general guidelines on what to say but left how to say it to my judgement. I think I hit the mark.

After the ceremony, there was much chatting and catching up. I spent the evening with my sisters and my grown niece and nephews. It is amazing to see them all now as adults: still adorable but a lot more sophisticated in both their humor and their thoughts. The grown nieces and nephews went out bar-hopping afterwards and the rest of us hung out in a hotel room, gossiping and analyzing as we like to do.

The next morning we picked up C's old car that she was donating to Angel and drove back south with Angel following us. When we finally reached SouthLite, we headed straight to the store for Angel to get his bike properly "fitted." He drove his bike home in his new old car and b and I went straight to bed.

Reflections

2011-08-27T07:58:00.000-04:00

Audition Week

2011-08-23T17:44:00.000-04:00

It is the first week of classes. Today, as I was parking my car to go and teach my first class, I overheard two drama students discussing what they would wear to auditions that evening. It was a cute conversation (each one telling the other how great they were in their respective clothes). I then went and taught my class but the concept of auditioning stuck with me.

My university has had a substantial increase in enrollment in the past few years and one of the undergraduate programs in our department has more than tripled since I started five years ago. In addition to our majors and minors we also have several large departments that require our courses of their majors. We have both online and face-to-face sections of all our classes in this program. However I only teach one undergraduate class and it is an elective.

Each year the first week of classes (also known as the add/drop period) feels more and more like an audition. For a number of reasons students usually register for more classes then they are going to take and then drop some during the first week. They also "shop around" attending a class or getting information from their friends and then deciding what to add and what to drop. Some of this happens before the class even meets. For example, my course has a cap of 50 students. I am over-enrolled by 4 making the final count before I taught the course today 54. However the latest student to register was number 93. By the end of the week it may be well into the hundreds.

Students take courses for a variety of reasons with the number one being to fulfill their requirements for their major and/or minor. Scheduling is also very important. A class needs to fit into their schedule. Both of these make perfect sense to me but it saddens me that a third of my class today had no interest in the subject matter. Instead it met the first two requirements. The third requirement for many students is level of difficulty. There is the perception that electives are supposed to be easy. Mine is not.

I use the first week (I teach twice a week for an hour and fifteen minutes each) to make my expectations perfectly clear and to layout the amount and type of work they will be asked to do. In most cases, students who have no interest in the subject and are expecting an easy class are going to end up failing. That is not a good experience for any of us and I want them to drop. I also want the students who are either interested and/or willing to give it effort an opportunity to either stay in the class or add the class. And so the first two classes feel like an audition. I try to highlight both the strengths and the challenges of the class sufficiently so both groups of students can make an informed decision.

By the end of the session today my stats were: 54 registered; 44 attended; 1 walked out; 3 asked about transferring to the online section.

This year we have more students then ever along with a severe budget cut. There simply are fewer sections, fewer electives to choose from, and restrictions on some of the courses. I fear many will not be able to drop the course.

Shopping With Pumpkin

2011-08-20T22:21:00.000-04:00

I went further south to spend the weekend with Pumpkin and BB. This morning Pumpkin and I went shopping at both flea and farmers markets. Although it was a little hot and sticky (but nowhere near as bad as it usually is down here), we had a great time. Pumpkin ended up with three plates, two tea cups, eleven forks, five knives (for her wedding) and two watermelons (for a watermelon carving party). I ended up with some fun shots.

We found amazing produce at both types of markets and I tried boiled peanuts for the first time.

There was no shortage of colorful items at the flea markets. I couldn't help but think of Angel as a little boy when passing by the table of toy cars and trains.

There was a fantastic table of refurbished cast iron cookware. b would have loved it.

Walking Miss Pupzilla

2011-08-16T21:26:00.000-04:00

When we moved into our new home last January many things in our lives improved. However the house is in a very "walking unfriendly" neighborhood and that has been a big disappointment to me. I didn't realize that it has also been affecting Pupzilla.

For several years (and three houses) now, Pupzilla has made ample use of a backyard. However in the old house I also took her on long walks to the park. This was an activity we both enjoyed. In the new house I drove her to the park once. While there she bit another dog and she hasn't been on a walk since.

On Saturday it took her a long time to get out of bed and then she proceed to fall down. One of her back legs just refused to work. The vet told us that she had a "touch of arthritis" in that knee and the humidity was through the roof. We figured that her arthritis was acting up. Still it was sad and a little scary to see fall down the steps and not be able to get up on the couch. In a few hours she was doing better but I decided we needed to be diligent about her exercise.

So we've been taking a constitutional after dinner every night. Each night she goes a little further and tonight her step was jaunty. We walk along the busy street until we can turn into a little neighborhood-y section. There are no sidewalks but the streets are quiet there. She walks as far as she likes and then takes a section of leash in her mouth to gently turn me around and lead me back home.

Summer of Yoga

2011-08-09T21:13:00.000-04:00

I started my summer break declaring this to be the Summer of Yoga (last year I declared it to be the Summer of Core, but that didn't get past the first week) and taking a week of hot yoga classes. Unfortunately hot yoga in SouthLite does not compare to hot yoga in Emerald City (where I first tried it). It turns out that we have Bikram style here in SouthLite and I really don't like this style at all. Bikram is very rigid and, I felt, a little judgmental.

However I did not let that dissuade me and I ventured forth in my yoga explorations. I tried new yoga classes at my gym. This was especially easy because during the summer months most yoga instructors go on vacation and we had a lot of "substitute" yoga teachers in my regular classes. When I found one I liked, I tried one of their regular classes. I also branched out and tried a yoga studio outside of the gym. This studio came highly recommended and I decided to try a restorative class for my first session. Unfortunately it didn't really thrill me but the instructor was "subbing" for the regular teacher and she described some of the other classes that they offered. One, yin yoga, really stood out to me and I tried it the following week. Long story short, I fell in love.

Yin yoga is passive yoga. It is all about easing yourself into a posture and staying there for around 5 minutes. There is no straining and only minimal use of muscles. It is far more of a meditation than a workout but it puts me in a complete state of calm mellowness. I can no longer live without it. The instructor is the owner of the studio and she is fabulous; a great person with a warm, welcoming personality and a lot of knowledge. I've been going twice a week all summer.

While b was gone I was doing 5-6 yoga classes a week, both at the gym and this new studio. My attendance at tai chi classes suffered greatly. I also realized that our trip, which entailed many hours of sitting in a car, was completely at odds with my new yoga practice. So I would sit in the passenger seat trying to fit as many postures into a Yaris as possible. b also agreed to try a few classes with me when we arrived at big cities. We found a yin yoga class in the City of Glass. It was 90 minutes long and we both felt much better afterwards. I still preferred my instructor at home (b has since tried her class and agrees) but it was a very welcome break.

At our next big city we tried hot yoga. It was not billed as Bikram so I was hoping for something different but alas it was the same 26 movements I had come to detest at the beginning of the summer. b was a trooper and made it through the whole hour but was less then pleased with the experience. The studio was lovely (they had a strict rule of silence before and after class that was interesting) and the instructor was an adorable young woman with a big pregnant belly.

On the trip out to meet b, I read Dederer's Poser: My Life in 23 Yoga Poses from my summer reading list. It is an interesting read, as she details a specific time in her life through her experiences learning yoga. Each chapter is a different pose and she provides a fair amount of background information on the pose and on the history and philosophy of yoga. Between reading the book and taking many different classes with different teachers and different styles, I've learned a lot about what I do and don't like about yoga.

It seems I like the extremes. I really enjoy vinyasa yoga, which is characterized by putting poses together into a flow. It is more aerobic and sometimes is combined with the word "power" to denote a more intensive class. I especially like this type of yoga in a hot room so you are sweating before you even start moving and by the end you're not sure how you can still be standing. But I also adore yin yoga, which is quite the opposite. What I am not so thrilled with is the in-between. If the instructor is really good I can appreciate a class that is just based on postures, especially if there is a lot of instruction on how to do them correctly. I like to hear about philosophy. I like to be physically adjusted (I am a kinesthetic and visual learner; I do the worst when someone is describing to me how to get into and out of postures--which is what happens in Bikram). I don't need a particularly chatty or close community but I do like to feel welcomed when I arrive.

Ultimately I do yoga because it makes me feel great during and afterwards. If it doesn't do that, I'm out of there.

We're Back!

2011-08-08T17:50:00.000-04:00

Actually we've been back for a few days. Towards the end of the trip we were in a hurry to get out of some of the excruciatingly hot states and back home to our moderately hot one. We arrived home Wednesday evening and have ended our vacation with a little staycation. We told very few people we were home and spent the days snuggling our pets and working out at the gym. Three weeks in a car has done its damage and I'll be spending most of this week there as well.

Tomorrow is b's first day back at work. He's been out for 7 weeks. We have spent every minute of the last 3 1/2 weeks together and it has been amazingly wonderful. He is my perfect companion and I can't imagine ever not wanting to spend all my time with him. I'm not quite sure what I'll do without him during the days. Actually I know exactly what I'll do. In addition to working out, I have to finish prepping classes, get some administrative work done, write a chapter and send out an article. Luckily that can all be done from home. Unfortunately the following week is "welcome back meetings from hell" week.

My entire life I've always enjoyed vacations but have been ready to get back to work once they are over. This year feels very different. There are a number of reasons but the gloom and doom emails I've been receiving on the state of our budget and the amount of work we are expected to do this year is certainly not helping.

On a brighter note, I'll leave you with a brief video I put together of our road trip.

Road Trip from Brigindo on Vimeo.

National Parks: Land O'Sand

2011-08-06T12:11:00.000-04:00

The last in our trilogy of National Parks was probably the coolest. It has only recently upgraded from National Monument to National Park. As with the other parks it was quite crowded (July is probably the worst time to go to the parks unless you really like being around other people) but we managed to get a campsite that overlooked the dunes.

It was very hot and we were tired, so we waited until the early evening (photography's "magic hour") to go for a hike. Do you remember when you were a kid and you were following your parents across the beach to find the perfect spot to lay your blanket down and the sand was so hot you had to wear your shoes but they kept filling with sand and it was hard to walk? Well it was kind of like that except you never got to the water.

Actually it was a lot more fun than that.

We were hoping for a fantastic sunset but no such luck.

The next morning we were up with the deer to begin the long haul back home.

National Parks: "Large Teat"

2011-08-04T14:52:00.000-04:00

Our plan was to spend two days in Jellystone and 1 day in Large Teat National Park. We stuck to the plan but really should have reversed it. The mountain range is breath-takingly beautiful. There were plenty of trails to choose from, but given our limited time (actually our time wasn't limited at all and we could have stayed another day but I think we were ready to be making progress home at this point) we chose a fairly convenient and therefore busy trail.

The trail was only moderately difficult and it climbed around a large lake. At first we were passing descending hikers but once we reached some of the trail's highlights we ran smack into what felt like a convention of tourists. Mostly families, some with very young children. I couldn't handle the crowds and we started our way back down.

We quickly ran into a couple with two young children asking us if the boat dock was ahead. Since we were way above the lake at this point the answer was obviously no. Th woman was wearing the exact pair of five finger shoes that I had changed out of for the hike. I'm thinking it was a fairly uncomfortable climb for her and the kids looked like they were ready to call it quits. Unfortunately they kept climbing in hopes of finding the dock (which we found at the bottom of the trail). I hope they eventually came down.

After leaving the Large Teats, we drove through Wyoming towards Colorado. Most of it was boring and flat but there were a few exceptional sections.

National Parks: Jellystone

2011-08-03T22:39:00.000-04:00

b and I went to several National Parks in the past week. One of them was the flagstone. It was the first park and is definitely the most popular. We camped there for two nights and I have to admit I was happy to be gone by the second day. I had read a review that called the park "the Disneyland of the outdoors" and, while the reviewer meant it as a compliment, I was sorry to find it so. I am far from hardcore (unlike b) but that doesn't mean I want my outdoors served on a platter.

The park was crowded, with buses dropping sightseers off even in the early hours of the morning. There are many trails but the moderate and difficult ones do not appear to be well maintained and we had a hard time finding trailheads.

We did get up extra early one day to catch the good sun and I managed to take a few shots.

Dogs of British Columbia

2011-08-01T22:48:00.000-04:00

The people of British Columbia love their dogs. b and I loved them too but seeing them all made us miss Pupzilla all the more.

RBOC: Driving Cross-Country Edition

2011-07-30T16:03:00.000-04:00

The North American continent is very large.
I strongly believe that some landscapes sing to you and others, no matter how pretty, don't. Tall mountains dropping into the ocean is my song; dry mountains and wide open spaces are completely out-of-tune for me.
Harley Davidson dealerships are everywhere. Cell service, not so much.
Wyoming is endless and has no Starbucks.
I hate Pilot Cars.
Flat landscapes depend upon dramatic skies.
American cities sprout small, obscure museums (The Museum of Wildlife Art, for example) but I'm not sure that anyone actually visits them.
In Canada road workers were busy working in road work areas; in America there are many road work areas but few visible workers.
Driving a small car with a 17-foot red kayak on the roof draws lots of attention, particularly in landlocked states.

The Perfect First Date*

2011-07-29T15:30:00.000-04:00

The City of Glass gave us a perfect first date. We arrived on Saturday afternoon and spent all day Sunday wandering its many funky neighborhoods. We managed to find real bagels for breakfast and a lovely independent used bookstore (where I picked up 3 gems). We strolled on two beaches, enjoyed an amazingly beautiful day, and ended it with sushi for dinner. The next morning the city was gentle with us as we made our way out of town. We stopped to try a Waffle and Milk Bar first, where we had amazing egg and cheese sandwiches on waffles for breakfast. I may have found my home.

*This is my 500th post!

Farmer's Market

2011-07-25T11:14:00.000-04:00

During our journey south, b and I traveled on long, curvy, mountain roads. We finally reached the home city of b's paddling partner. We met up with her there and wandered around the farmer's market.

We Interrupt Our Regular Scheduled Programming....

2011-07-22T17:30:00.000-04:00

...to send a happy birthday wish out to my mother.

Growing up, my mother was the smartest person I knew. I believed there was no bottom to the well of her knowledge. At 46, I still haven't found it. She went back to college shortly after I was born and her educational career shaped my childhood and was an inspiration to my own academic pursuits. To my mother I owe my love of writing and books. No small debt. My mother is and always has been her own woman. She does not stand by convention. She is a bit of a nomad and a minimalist; two traits I greatly admire.

Mom is making her seventies look like a piece of cake. I hope to follow in her footsteps.

Have a great day mom and I'll see you in September.

On The Road

2011-07-21T12:13:00.000-04:00

b and I are on the road, heading down to The City of Glass. We've been driving through some truly beautiful but rural areas.

The Last Frontier: Capital City

2011-07-17T16:45:00.000-04:00

I'm on my journey and b is off the water. Unfortunately he picked up a nasty bug along the way and we're trying to get him well before we begin the rest of the adventure. Here are some photo's from my day in The Last Frontier's Capital City.

Ssssh!

2011-07-09T21:04:00.000-04:00

While b's Away

2011-07-01T22:12:00.000-04:00

I am busy trying to get a ton of work done before I leave to meet him. I spend most of my time sitting at my desk, my kitchen table, my couch, and in my bed, surrounded by papers and my laptop. The Brute finds any surface that has my papers on them; passes out; and knocks everything to the floor.

If I am on the couch, Pupzilla sleeps next to me. Sometimes her head is in my lap.

Smudge mostly stays on the kitchen table sleeping. Sometimes she is stalking the birds that tease her from the bushes. Sometimes she comes to visit me on the couch. But The Brute doesn't like that and chases her off. (He's not called The Brute for nothing)

I bought myself roses to keep me happy. I like them on my nightstand.

A Calling Card....Of Sorts

2011-06-28T23:23:00.001-04:00

I Used To...

2011-06-28T18:48:00.000-04:00

I used to tell stories.

Sleepy little boy bedtime stories.
Silly passing time on boring train ride stories.
Scary vampire monster bat stories.
Sexy pillow talk lover stories.

I used to tell stories.
I used to write poems.

Now,
every so often,
I capture a story
by clicking a button.

But mostly
I fumble
silently
in the dark.

Texture Tuesdays: Golden Edition

2011-06-28T07:00:00.001-04:00

The task this week was to use the "Golden" texture provided by Kim. I tried it on beaches, butterflies, and city streets.

Textures used: Greyday Vintage, Golden, NotTooShabby

Textures used: Golden

Textures used:Golden

Textures used: Golden, Mayzee

RBOC: Observations on "Me Time" Edition

2011-06-24T19:22:00.000-04:00

It is really hot here in SouthLite. Even when they say it's not going to be that hot, it is that hot. "Me Time" would be a lot more fun if going outside didn't feel so bad.
I find myself making simpler meals and eating fewer times a day. Pupzilla is not happy with the lack of scraps. She barks at me to get cooking.
Workouts always put me in a better mood and they give me a reason to leave the house. However it is really hard to convince myself of this fact when I wake up in the morning. Yoga classes help, as they have a specific schedule.
Much of the work that I have to do this month is in the very disheartening reading, researching and thinking phase. It is a critical phase but always feels so unproductive when I'm in it. The only other work is dreary administrative work.
I'm taking the Essentials Photoshop Course over here. It just started this week and was supposed to be one of the more entertaining activities for the month (since I liked the SkinnyMini so much). It is a helpful course but we are going pretty slow and the entertainment factor is low at the moment.
I'm watching a lot of Homicide: Life on the Streets. How I love Andre Braugher.
Angel is UpNorth visiting his dad; Pumpkin and BB are visiting distant countries where the sun never truly sets; and b has made it to The Last Frontier.
b has been texting me, whenever cell service is available, throughout his journey. He puts into the water in 2 days and there will be no more correspondence (except for daily emails from the Spot Locator letting me know he's ok) until he is done.

Textured People

2011-06-21T08:54:00.000-04:00

This week Texture Tuesday is all about the people. Here's what I came up with:

Father and Son
Textures: kimklassenlove, silence, greyday vintage

Wall Street
Textures: kkmayzee, lifesgood, chamomile

Self-portrait
Textures: februarymagic, lifesgood, kk_yesteryear

Grandma K
Textures: kkluminous, warmsun

A Month of "Me Time"

2011-06-18T20:21:00.000-04:00

A fair amount of my research involves talking to women who are actively mothering their children. Regardless of their personal situation, they all desire more time to themselves. They want "me time." I remember this feeling very well. It lasted the entire time Angel lived with me. Granted I had a lot more "me time" once he reached his teens, but there was always an underlying sense that my time was not truly my own.

There were several years where I traveled a lot for my job. While I missed Angel (and later b) when I was traveling, it was also a relief to have a hotel room all to myself for a few days. Most of those days I was working and not actually in my hotel room, but knowing it was there waiting for me was a blessing.

Things are different now. I have a lot of time to call my own. At the beginning and endings of the semesters the various demands upon me can almost feel like those mothering years but not quite as relentless.

b left for his Alaska Adventure today. He has 5 days of driving; a day and a half on a ferry; a day to wait for his friend, and then three weeks of paddling before I meet up with him. This translates into four weeks of me at home alone.

I've never lived alone. b has done these adventures before but this is the first one since Angel went off to college. Me time is a lot less precious when you have it in abundance.

I have a lot of work to do in the next four weeks. My goal is to be caught up and ready for the semester to begin before I leave for vacation. When I get back I will only have two weeks before classes start and those weeks are notoriously busy with meetings.

So my "Month of Me Time" will consist of writing a grant and getting a backlog of papers out, running two ongoing projects, prepping my fall courses and getting ready for the new cohort of doctoral students. In between I'll be attending a lot of yoga classes and taking an e-course or two. Hopefully I'll be posting throughout it all.

Coffee Dreams

2011-06-17T12:47:00.000-04:00

I have a photo up at Coffee Served Daily today. Kim is posting 1000 pictures of coffee. If you're a fellow coffee lover you definitely want to check it out.

On Happiness and Parenting

2011-06-16T10:18:00.000-04:00

In the past two days I have run across this article referenced in a number of blogs and tweets. It took 2 or 3 mentions to get me to read it and another 2 or 3 to get me to comment on it. You may have to read it yourself to follow the rest of this post. So go ahead. I'll wait.

Now I've read several reactions to this article that endorse "helicopter-free" or "boosting emotional immunity" parenting. Others are worried that they might be engaging in the obsessively positive parenting described in the article. And I get the appeal of this article and of renouncing helicopter parenting, I really do. There are sections of the article that ring very true to me, however (and you knew there had to be a big however) the underlying assumptions of the article are seriously flawed.

One problematic assumption is clearly demonstrated in the title. Then in the first paragraph, the author (a therapist and mother) admits to being trained to see the problems of adulthood as being the fault of parents. When she could not find evidence of poor parenting among her patients she (and it would appear the field of clinical psychology) decided that positive parenting is to blame. Sounds like a damned if you do/damned if you don't scenario to me.

And while it is not explicitly said in the article, we are in fact speaking primarily of mothers. Mother-blaming has been around for a very long time. Perhaps as long as mothers have been around but I don't have the research to back that statement.

She claims the research shows parental fault to be the cause of adult neuroses (she does excuse mothers from the blame of schizophrenia) but that is because the research focuses on parental influence. Science is not perfect and tends to find what it looks for. I'm not saying that parents don't have a huge influence on their children's mental health, they obviously do, but there are many other influences that are not discussed. There are also so-called parental influences, such as poverty or economic hardship, that most parents are not able to control.

In my own life, if I can get past what my mother and father did or didn't do, I can easily name significant people and events that have shaped my attitudes, behaviors, and sanity in adulthood. Other children stand out pretty big in my childhood. For much of my elementary and middle school years, other children had a far bigger influence on my understanding of and expectations for happiness than either of my parents. Teachers and camp counselors had a smaller but still significant effect. As for the media, I blame Mary Tyler Moore and Rhoda for shaping my expectations on women's roles in society.

Enough with the mother-blaming. Articles like this one are damaging because they refuse to acknowledge the larger context in which we all parent and helps further the never-ending "Mommy Wars."

The author has also bought into our societal messages on happiness and independence. These are cultural constructs and not facts. Not all cultures raise their children to be "productive, happy adults." Not all cultures expect to pursue happiness and certainly not all expect to obtain it 95% of the time. Some cultures accept emotions to be what they are: transient experiences. Also not all cultures expect their children to leave the nest. In some cultures children stay home or close to home and start their own families which then become extension of the original family. Some cultures find it shocking that we expect our children to live away from the family in their early twenties. Some of these cultures exist right here in America.

So who are the people portrayed in this article? It is written to sound like this is happening all across America. As if these behaviors can speak to all Americans. In fact they do not. Class and race are not considered in this article. Too often our parenting advice is based on White, upper middle-class values and behaviors. Class may be the biggest missing context in this article. Protecting your children from unhappiness or misfortune looks a lot different among working-class families and different again among families living in poverty.

At the very end of the article the author admits that not all children are the same and implies that temperament may have something to do with how children respond to their upbringing. In reviewing my own parenting behaviors (as this article practically forces you to do) I can see a lot of ways in which I protected Angel and weakened his emotional immune system. However I also remember there were many opportunities to put his immune system to work. He was a child capable of experiencing both great joy and great sorrow. So far he has not required therapy as an adult. He enjoys being happy but doesn't expect it to be a constant in his life. Does that mean I was/am a good parent? If he should require therapy in the future, would it mean I was a bad one?

On Doulas and Dissertations

2011-06-13T10:44:00.002-04:00

Many before me have made the analogy between completing your dissertation and giving birth. I think the analogy has a lot of merit but recently I've made the connection between being a doula and being a dissertation advisor.

Supporting someone in labor, whether it be a with a baby or a dissertation, is grueling and rewarding work.
Before true labor begins, neither the pregnant woman nor the doctoral candidate can really fathom what the process will be like. As doula/advisor you try and describe it but you know that half your words are falling on deaf ears.
During labor both the pregnant woman and the doctoral candidate want it to be over. It is your job to hold their hand while helping them forward.
Both declare they will never do this again. The pregnant woman may swear off sex. The doctoral candidate usually develops elaborate fantasies about the non-intellectual career (mine was living on a mountain top, stockpiling arms and teaching martial arts to the local children) they will start as soon as it is all over. It is your job to take these declarations seriously and not laugh in their face.
There is much effort but the glory is not yours. Luckily neither is the pain.

There are, of course, significant differences. The most important one is:

The pregnant woman has the choice of using drugs or not. As a doula it is your job to support a woman regardless of her choice. As a doctoral advisor it is best to keep the student sober, at least until it is all over.

Bloggy Makeover

2011-06-12T18:40:00.000-04:00

It seemed like a good time to change the look around here.

I'm going to sit with this a few days and see how I feel.

Comments encouraged.

Summer Reading List: Update Edition

2011-06-10T22:42:00.000-04:00

Last month I laid out my summer reading list but shortly afterwards I ended up at my favorite used bookstore with a $40 credit. Consequently my list has expanded considerably. I also realized I had a few books leftover from Christmas that I had never read. So here is the addendum to my original list:

Fire in the Blood by Irene Nemirovsky
The Heart is a Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers
Excellent Women by Barbara Pym
Nerilka's Story by Anne McCaffrey
The Mystery of Breathing by Perri Klass
Native Tongue by Suzette Haden Elgin
When Everything Changed: The Amazing Journey of American Women from 1960 to the Present, by Gail Collins
Primitive People by Francine Prose
The Witch of Blackbird Pond by Elizabeth George Speare

So we're up to a total of 22 books to finish before the semester starts. How am I doing, you ask? From the original list I read most of My Mother She Killed Me, My Father He Ate Me: Forty New Fairy Tales. I'm not a big fan of short stories or rather I enjoy them but I have a hard time reading one after another. So I was very surprised that I managed to get through most of this book before I had to pick up a novel. For the fairy tale lovers out there, there are some amazing ones in this little collection.

I also found Jane Smiley's Private Lives at the used bookstore and have finished that. It was an interesting read as it portrayed a woman's life from 1883 to 1942, a time period that you don't normally get in a modern novel. However I am often disappointed with Jane Smiley and this was no different. I think I'm always hoping for another A Thousand Acres and never get it.

For book club we read Girls Like Us: Fighting for a World Where Girls are not for Sale, an Activist Finds Her Calling and Saves Herself. Since book club is meeting tomorrow and there is a lot to say about this book, I'll leave that for another post.

From the above list I've read The Witch of Blackbird Pond. For the life of me I could not remember why I had placed this book on my Young Adult To Re-Read list. Not that it wasn't enjoyable but rather that I had no specific recollection of reading it originally (although I must have) and it didn't seem like the kind of book I would have particularly enjoyed as a young adult. Some interesting historical fiction but too much silly romance.

I also read Francine Poser's Primitive People. I discovered Francine Poser when I picked up the book of fairy tales in the book store. Her fairy tale was the first I read in the collection and the reason I bought the book. She has a very engaging style and I do love satire. This may not have been her best novel but was fun none-the-less. I'm looking forward to reading more.

I'm also pages away from finishing Fire in the Blood. I adored Suite Francaise and while this is not as magnificent, it is a beautifully written little book. I've pretty much devoured it in a day.

So that is 6 down and 16 to go. For book club next month we are turning back to fiction and will read Father of the Rain. In the meantime I think I'll visit with Carson McCullers. I am a big fan of A Member of the Wedding and don't know how I've gotten this far without reading The Heart is a Lonely Hunter.

Life Lists

2011-06-05T19:25:00.000-04:00

I've been thinking about life lists (or the more depressing version - bucket lists) lately. I've never had an official one but I've always had things that I knew I would eventually experience or accomplish. I've been thinking about what is left on that list lately. I think a combination of (a) acquiring tenure, (b) being an empty-nester, and (c) passing that dividing line between early forties and late forties, has initiated a mini-mid-life crisis.

Also the opportunity has arisen for me to join b on his epic adventure this summer. If you recall, b will be driving clear across country to The Last Frontier. There he will meet up with a good friend (he's gone from 9 interested companions to one friend who was never part of the original group) and paddle the Inside Passage. Because of the change in group membership, he will be able to leave earlier and paddle faster. This means he will be off the water in enough time for me to meet him there and drive back home across the country together before my semester starts.

Yesterday I developed an itinerary for the homeward drive that has us going through parts of Canada I've always wanted to visit and seeing some of the major national parks. This is a trip I've always wanted to do but never knew when or how it would happen.

I am very excited.

But it has also gotten me thinking about life lists. This will be one I can cross off of my non-existent list. Below are some of the other items I could cross off right now (in chronological order):

Getting my black belt
Becoming a mother
Getting published
Getting a grant
Finding my life partner
Getting my doctorate
Becoming a professor
Traveling abroad
Buying a house
Getting tenure
Watching a birth

There are a few things that are still on the list but the possibility of them occurring is out of my hands:

Dancing at Angel's wedding
Becoming a grandmother
Helping Pumpkin give birth

There are one or two things that are in my control that are definitely on the list:

Writing a book
Hooding my doctoral students

Other than these things, I have no clue what should be on the list. Sure there are things I've thought of doing or places I would like to go, but none of them really seem important enough to make a life list. Is this a good thing? It is great to have accomplished/experienced so many things that are important to me but the thought of living without significant possibilities or goals ahead of me is a little depressing. I feel like I'm in a similar spot with Angel right now--we're both trying to figure out what we want to do with the rest of our lives.

Fun with Photos

2011-06-03T09:27:00.000-04:00

I took a free e-course (Kim Klassen's SkinnyMini) on Photoshop a few weeks ago. The course was only 10 days and gave you a brief idea of what Photoshop can do. Each day we would get either a video showing us a new technique or two or a homework assignment. Kim is also all about textures, so we learned ways to incorporate texture into a photo. I'm not sure how I feel about adding textures. It is fun to try but probably not something I would do a lot of in the future.

Here are some shots I played with during the course.

And here are some before and after shots of the magnolias in my front yard

I'll be taking her full course, Photoshop: The Essentials, later this month. I really enjoy the e-course format.

At The Hospital

2011-05-30T03:46:00.000-04:00

It's 3:40am and I'm in labor & delivery waiting on a baby.

Yesterday I was at a wedding in the mountains.

The day before that I was eating in my favorite restaurant with b and Angel.

Crazy weekend.

Ten Random Things I Love About My Son

2011-05-27T10:25:00.001-04:00

He loves to walk. Even though he couldn't wait to get his license and loves to drive, he still really prefers to walk somewhere if he can.
His beautiful blue eyes.
He loves animals and treats them with respect and care. My animals all flock to him (especially The Brute) when he comes for a visit.
He loves to learn and years of bad school experiences hasn't beaten it out of him.
He is exceptionally self-aware. The masculine world requires him to hide his sensitive nature but he never loses touch with it.
He strives to be "an ethical man."
He is only interested in dating women who are strong, intelligent, independent and "a good conversationalist."
He is an amazing travel companion.
I can talk with him for hours and never get bored.
He calls me "mama bear."

Vows

2011-05-21T10:50:00.000-04:00

As you may recall, b and I have a plethora (N=4) of weddings to attend. All of the weddings have a friend or family member officiating. Since I am that family member for my sister C's wedding, I've been particularly interested in the ceremonies at these other weddings.

The first wedding is behind us and it was very simple. A close friend officiated and spoke personally about the couple and their relationship. There was a musical tribute to the bride's deceased father. The vows were incredibly brief; a little too brief for my taste. But the couple were so obviously happy, in love, and enjoying the moment that it was a lovely wedding.

I spoke to C recently about her ideas for the ceremony and vows. She had none. The wedding is still several months away and she and K are busy getting through the logistics. She promised to think about it and discuss it with K and then the three of us will talk.

In the meantime our friends and favorite dinner guests are getting married next weekend. Last week the groom called b and asked if we were free on Thursday. It seems they were struggling with their vows and wanted some help. They thought of us because we seem so much in love. I can't think of a better compliment to a married couple. So they came over, drank some wine, ate leftover spinach lasagna and we talked vows. As I suspected, they didn't really need help so much as a sounding board. By the end of the evening they had the ceremony completely mapped out and were happy with the vows they had chosen.

Throughout the evening b had to google unusual wedding vows and ceremonies and share them with us. I thought this one from Dr. Seuss might work well for C & K:

Pastor: Will you love with all your heart?
Will you love till death you part?
Groom: Yes, I'll love with all my heart
From now until death do us part,
And I will love her when we're rich,
And when we're broke and in a ditch,
And when we're fit, and when we're sick,
(Oh, CAN'T we get this finished quick?)
And I will love through good and bad,
And I will love when glad or sad,
And I will have, and I will hold,
And if I might now be so bold,
I'll love her my entire life,
Yes, I WILL take her as my wife!

And these Klingon wedding vows made us almost want to get married again just so we can say them:

Enemies to the left
Enemies to the right
they are everywhere

The warrior fights continuously.
He fights with honor.
He fights alone.
He can fight perfectly but he will certainly die.

Thus we join one another
One become two
Two becomes a household
Houses become armies
Armies build the empire

Doesn't it just bring a tear to your eye?

Hot Yoga

2011-05-16T20:35:00.000-04:00

I accidentally stumbled upon hot yoga when I was at a conference in Emerald City a few months back. I was staying in a hotel with a teeny-tiny fitness room and I wanted another work-out option. I was also rooming with my friend, Real, who had been saying she needed to get into yoga for a quite a while but had done nothing about it. I figured it was a perfect opportunity to try something new.

The closest yoga studio to the hotel was hot yoga. I knew nothing about it but figured it was worth a shot. I invited three other colleagues/friends and we made our way to the studio with no expectations. The studio offered a number of different classes but somehow we ended up in the 90-minute power class. I had never taken power yoga before and the combination of the two was amazing but a little overwhelming for those in our party who were brand-new to yoga. The studio offered a one-week trial deal that was only $2 more expensive than 1 drop-in class. We were sold. One of my friends and I went back the second day for a 60-minute power class and then three of us tried a restorative yoga class. I loved all three classes and was anxious to try it back in SouthLite.

Real and I created "Detox Week" and the plan was to find a similar one-week trial deal at a hot yoga studio at home. SouthLite boasts two hot yoga studios. One has a second location in a neighboring city (CigaretteVille, where Real lives) so that was the one we chose. The same foursome signed up last week and I did a total of 3 classes.

It seems not all hot yoga studios are alike. This studio followed the Bikram method. There are 26 postures and they are done EXACTLY the same for every class. There is no power, there is no restorative, there is only hot. Hot was even hotter this time at 105 degrees (as compared to 95 in Emerald City). Worse yet the studio floor was carpeted! Who would do that? The studio is owned and run by an aging hippie couple that were very sweet. He was the instructor for my first class and she was the instructor for my second. Yesterday I had my third (and final) class with some other woman.

Yoga, in my limited experience so far, is relaxing. Yes it can be strenuous and I've enjoyed the few power and/or flow classes that I've taken, but the emphasis is still on a calm state of mind. This instructor was harsh. She barked instructions, was critical if you did something wrong or popped out of a posture too soon and tried to stop people from leaving the room. Not what I'm looking for in a yoga class.

I've found another studio with a one-week deal that offers a variety of classes including hot yoga, "peaceful yoga" and "yin yoga." I'll let you know how this one turns out.

Playing With My Birthday Presents

2011-05-14T18:48:00.000-04:00

Pupzilla playing in the backyard

Macro lens for my iPhone

Reading this.

Detox Week

2011-05-09T22:03:00.000-04:00

Today is the official start of Detox Week. It is the week after graduation and my colleagues and I are cleaning out our mental systems. We have put the academic year behind us and are embracing summer break.

I spent most of the day cleaning my office. I even destunkified my couch (yes I have a couch in my office) and sanitized my yoga ball (yes I have a yoga ball in my office...its a big office).

Tomorrow's agenda is hot yoga.

46

2011-05-07T23:13:00.000-04:00

One of the loveliest birthdays yet.

Pumpkin and BB came for a visit.

I baked cupcakes (and made ice cream).

Pumpkin and BB's gift...the beginning of a garden.

Tomatoes, herbs and strawberries.

Birthday gift from b.

Results of a mother-daughter pedicure (another gift from Pumpkin)

Went to the used bookstore and came home with 7 books to add to my growing pile.

The only downside was missing Angel but he leaves for Greece tomorrow.

Graduation Daze

2011-05-06T22:23:00.000-04:00

Today was graduation. We have two on the same day: the university graduation in the morning and the departmental graduation in the afternoon. I didn't make it to the morning one. I have not been a happy camper at work lately and just didn't have two graduations in me.

Instead I ran in the park (absolutely lovely) and then cleaned my house and set-up the spare bedroom (Pumpkin and BB are coming tonight).

Then I headed over to campus for the second graduation. It is always heartwarming to see students graduate and hear their exuberant families in the stands. However, two years ago we went from a school-wide graduation to each department hosting its own graduation. This is supposed to make it more personal but I haven't found it to be true. Instead it is a lot of extra work with fewer resources so the result feels rushed and formulaic to me.

Luckily the students seemed to enjoy it.

Afterwards we host a small reception in the gym and students bring their parents over to meet the faculty. I'm not a sociable animal and don't shine at the meet and greet but I know it is an important part of the event.

This year one of my students had a traumatic experience and is not doing well. I am worried about her and it was sad to see her affect so flat on graduation day. She promised to visit me during the summer and I'm hoping she follows up on it.

Tonight I went to a party at another student's house. Many of my students (both graduate and undergraduate) attended as did Pumpkin and BB. I also got to spend a little time with the student's mother, sister and brother-in-law and it was much nicer to get to know them in a more informal setting. This student has been a research assistant for me for almost three years now. She is taking a year off before graduate school and wants to continue our work together in the meantime.

I will miss them all when they leave but I am realizing how they have formed a revolving community: as some make their way out, others are being welcomed in.

The Never-Ending Practicum

2011-05-05T21:17:00.000-04:00

All semester I've been teaching a practicum with my favorite group of doctoral students. It is my first time teaching this course and I've been pretty much winging it as I go. In our department we have a core course in qualitative methods (which I teach) but it is an overview course and we don't have a lot of time to go deeply into any one topic. Several of our students have done qualitative dissertations and many more indicate that they would like to do so. Our university has several qualitative methods courses in different departments but very few cover analysis with any depth. My idea for the course was to use available qualitative datasets (one of mine and one of my colleague's) and focus exclusively on coding, analysis and writing. Analysis and writing would be done collaboratively and the final product would be papers for submission.

It has been a fun course to teach, partly because it consists of my favorite students and one of my favorite colleagues, but also because I am a bit of a methods geek and absolutely love reading and talking and thinking about methods. As part of the course we read an interesting book that provides narratives on both the process of conducting qualitative dissertations as well as the student-mentor relationship. Many excellent discussions came from these readings and we explored far more than just how to analyze qualitative data.

Perhaps the most important learning outcome to have occurred was the realization that this work is intensive and takes a long time. Several of the students are rethinking a qualitative dissertation and the others are adjusting their timeline so they can do their dissertations justice. We have two really interesting papers in the works but are still pretty far from having final drafts. Classes ended two weeks ago but we added a few extra sessions to try and catch up. Today was the last of these unofficial sessions but we will continue to meet informally throughout the summer to draft the papers.

Working with engaged students is a blessing. I hope I never take it for granted.

Martial Arts Vs. Yoga

2011-05-04T23:00:00.000-04:00

Many many years ago we shared our dojo with a yoga class. This meant that we also shared our dressing room when the classes overlapped. At that time I had a very dismissive attitudes towards yoga, fueled in part through my interactions with my dressing room companions. I didn't understand why anyone would want to spend that much time on an "unproductive art." Yoga (and yogis) seemed very self-indulgent and quite frankly they weren't very good at sharing space.

Over the years I maintained a negative outlook towards yoga. I tried a class or two in contexts that were not conducive to really experiencing yoga (a student gym and a hotel gym) and these experiences just reinforced my snobbery. Martial arts was purposeful and we shared many of the same stretches, so why would I be interested in yoga? Much later I found out we shared the same stretches because my Sensei incorporated poses from a book on yoga into our warm-up routine. Of course we didn't do the poses the way they are done in a true yoga class so when I did start studying yoga it was both familiar and new at the same time.

There are actually a lot of similarities between martial arts (very broadly defined) and yoga but there are also significant differences. Martial arts is purposeful in that every movement has a practical application (actually every movement has multiple practical applications) and you are always imagining an opponent while performing these movements. Studying martial arts means you are always assessing negative situations that need to be prevented or protected. It is a paranoid art. I've also found that there is a fair amount of guilt involved in the teaching of martial arts. No matter how much you practice, it is never enough. No matter how prepared you are for something bad to happen you always need to be on your guard. Martial arts is filled with sayings such as "expect nothing but always expect the unexpected." It is a bit crazy-making to actually try and live by these codes.

Both practices require and train a deep awareness of your body and how it is aligned. Both require repetitive practice and are mentally and physically challenging. The combination of skill development, self-awareness, and meditation appeals to me. Lately I've realized that the self-indulgence of yoga is a good thing. Like anything, including the paranoia of martial arts, in the extreme it is destructive. However pursuing something simply because it makes you feel good is really ok.