Making Space

I wrote earlier that I was trying to slow down--from work and internet distractions--during this break. I want to give that other side of my brain a chance to emerge. Tapping into my creative mind takes a lot of mental space for me, space I don't normally allow myself. I am, by nature, pro-active and list-driven. I like to accomplish things simply for the sake of having accomplished them. It takes a fairly odious task to make me procrastinate. This trait has made me successful in any job I've had but, alas, creativity doesn't work on a timeline.

My more creative thoughts have come in the off moments and most of my creative writing has emerged either (a) on vacation or (b) under emotional duress (when I'm literally too upset to accomplish tasks). Once I spent several months waking up an hour early to write fiction. This worked well except it made it harder for me to accomplish my academic writing later in the day. I've always found it difficult reconciling what feels like my two writing brains.

So far I've managed to avoid most work-related tasks but find myself filling my days checking off lists of holiday preparation items. Today is devoted to baking, cleaning and wrapping presents. Tomorrow there will be more baking but also enjoying Angel and b's company. My daily lists are growing smaller and smaller as the week progresses and I'm trying to insert large blocks of unscheduled time.

I feel it shouldn't be this hard but for me it is. It seems I'm a doer who wants to be a dreamer.