Martial Arts Vs. Yoga

Many many years ago we shared our dojo with a yoga class.  This meant that we also shared our dressing room when the classes overlapped.  At that time I had a very dismissive attitudes towards yoga, fueled in part through my interactions with my dressing room companions.  I didn't understand why anyone would want to spend that much time on an "unproductive art."  Yoga (and yogis) seemed very self-indulgent and quite frankly they weren't very good at sharing space.

Over the years I maintained a negative outlook towards yoga.  I tried a class or two in contexts that were not conducive to really experiencing yoga (a student gym and a hotel gym) and these experiences just reinforced my snobbery.  Martial arts was purposeful and we shared many of the same stretches, so why would I be interested in yoga?  Much later I found out we shared the same stretches because my Sensei incorporated poses from a book on yoga into our warm-up routine. Of course we didn't do the poses the way they are done in a true yoga class so when I did start studying yoga it was both familiar and new at the same time.

There are actually a lot of similarities between martial arts (very broadly defined) and yoga but there are also significant differences.  Martial arts is purposeful in that every movement has a practical application (actually every movement has multiple practical applications) and you are always imagining an opponent while performing these movements.  Studying martial arts means you are always assessing negative situations that need to be prevented or protected.  It is a paranoid art.  I've also found that there is a fair amount of guilt involved in the teaching of martial arts.  No matter how much you practice, it is never enough.  No matter how prepared you are for something bad to happen you always need to be on your guard.  Martial arts is filled with sayings such as "expect nothing but always expect the unexpected."  It is a bit crazy-making to actually try and live by these codes.

Both practices require and train a deep awareness of your body and how it is aligned.  Both require repetitive practice and are mentally and physically challenging.  The combination of skill development, self-awareness, and meditation appeals to me.  Lately I've realized that the self-indulgence of yoga is a good thing.  Like anything, including the paranoia of martial arts, in the extreme it is destructive.  However pursuing something simply because it makes you feel good is really ok. 

RBOC: Update Edition

• We are two weeks into the semester and my To Do list doesn't fit on one page.
• I have many social engagements lined up for the next few weeks which really won't help my To Do list problem.
• I'm on a search committee for two positions and the first two candidates are coming in the next two weeks.
• I have found the first negative of our new house and it has 6 legs, antennas and reminds me of some bad times in my childhood.  b and I are going to the store tomorrow to find ways of destroying said creatures.  Two have been spotted and killed so far.  Both were killed by humans and not felines (just sayin').
• The birth has finally happened.  It was my longest one so far.  I spent 27 hours in a hospital and got about 4 hours of sleep in a 48 hour period.  However everyone is doing well and I am very happy to NOT have to fall asleep with my phone beside my bed for a while.
• I went to a self-defense workshop taught by my tai chi sifu today.  He teaches about one workshop a month.  Sometimes it is push hands, sometimes it is tai chi sword, and sometimes it is chi gung.  This time it was self-defense, which mostly consisted of learning how to fall.  It is important stuff but I can't say I liked it.
• b and I are in a bit of a martial arts quandary.  I think want we want really doesn't exist anymore.  Certainly doesn't seem to exist in SouthLite. 
• b and I went to see The Social Network tonight.  We enjoyed it.  Afterwards I was craving cupcakes but b had the brilliant idea of going out for cocktails and chocolate mousse.  Yes my friends, this is why I married him.
• On tomorrow's agenda is : gym, food shopping, sitting in front of a fire and getting some work done, eating ribs cooked by my sweetie.  Life is good.

Community

Every class becomes a small community. Although community is important in all classes I find it particularly important in ongoing classes. The way the community is developed and maintained provides information to incoming students on whether this is the correct class for them.

For most of my life I belonged to a martial arts community where we taught karate, tai chi, and weapons. Most of the students took all three types of classes so the community "feel" wasn't too distinct between them. However the community changed over time. We started out a very "young" dojo. Many of us were in our teens and early twenties. We did a lot of tournaments and were competitive with one another. The community was developed as a family. We were "dojo brothers and sisters." Many of us were actually related (such as me and my sister) and others met and dated and even married through the class. As we aged, so did the new students we attracted. We became less competitive with each other and less concerned with tournaments.

Throughout there was an in-crowd and an out-crowd. I, by virtue of my status (dating and then married to the Sensei) and my rank, was always part of the in-crowd. Out-crowds tended to be transitory. I am not naturally outgoing or social and can't say I did all that much to make new students feel welcome except when teaching them one-on-one. I hope I didn't do anything to make them feel unwelcome but it is quite possible.

Since moving to SouthLite I've joined/tried several ongoing classes. I've tried two karate classes, one I stayed for almost 3 years (b is still there currently but I am not) and the other only for a few months. The dojo where I stayed also had a "family-like" feel as most of the instructors had been studying together for many years. Students come from a range of backgrounds and ages, but karate tends to attract the younger crowd. In fact we would frequently have small children in class and/or mother-daughter students. It took me a long time to feel accepted there but I realized I would never be truly "inside" because I did not come up through the ranks in that style, no less that dojo. Coming up through the ranks is very important in karate. It is a hierarchical system and who you train with matters. This insider/outsider status was not the reason I stopped attending but it didn't help.

More recently I've been taking classes through my new gym. I've tried several yoga classes and one instructor is my favorite. I try to make her class every week. She has many regulars and I've seen several of the regulars in other yoga classes as well. I'm not the type to go up and introduce myself, especially when doing anything physical. Even in my original dojo I was pretty aloof while working out and tended to socialize before and after the class. The yoga regulars are not inviting. They chit-chat before and after class but there is a definite sense of distance between class members. I wonder if it is the nature of yoga, which seems a very solitary practice, or this particular gym? I've even seen people in the class who I know from my university and yet we barely exchange pleasantries.

I've also started taking a tai chi class. I love tai chi and have truly missed it over the years. I'm very happy with the instructor, who teaches at several gyms throughout my city. At my gym we have a very regular group showing up 2-3 times a week. Most are senior citizens. There is a strong sense of community and it is actively upheld. Newbies are welcomed and introduced before the class even begins. There is not a lot of chit chat allowed during class, but when people can get away with it, they ask me detailed questions and are really interested in the answers. They greet and engage each other when in the gym for other reasons. Today two different people told me how glad they are that I've joined the class. Is it the nature of tai chi, which is generally a relaxed and non-competitive art? Does it come from the instructor? (This seems unlikely as he is a very nice man when you speak with him but, like me, gives off true introvert vibes.) Or is it that senior citizens come from a time when being cordial was the norm?

The Dojo

I went to the dojo tonight for the first time in almost 3 weeks. I have been doing workouts at home and in hotel gyms so I wasn't completely out-of-shape but there is something to martial arts that is unique and I was out of martial arts shape.

I've been studying martial arts for 28 years now. It is a part of me in a way that few things--other than motherhood and academia--are a part of me. Yet I still feel a bit of a love-hate relationship with it. My early martial arts years were attached to my ex-husband. I met him by attending his dojo and it became my world for a very long time. In that dojo you couldn't disappear for 3 weeks. Attendance was expected and if you didn't live up to expectations you paid the price in guilt. Of course for me, once we were living together and then eventually married, not going to class was never an option unless I was very sick. In those years I lived martial arts 24/7.

This changed a bit once we had Angel. My Ex stayed home with Angel during the day and took him to the dojo in the evening. I would meet them at the dojo after work and most of the time I was "sent home" because Angel was too disruptive for class. This felt very much like a betrayal to me. While I didn't want to subject my child to being someplace that wasn't well suited for his needs, I also didn't see how suddenly my training was disposable. My sister, Amy, who also studied with us often filled in the gaps. She would watch Angel for me so I could train for a bit. We'd often swap care of him in the middle of class. Of course as Angel grew it became easier for him to be in class with me but my training was never the same.

When I left my Ex I lost the dojo. For a while I continued to go to one class a week but even that became uncomfortable. I worked out on my own but after a few years--and my dissertation--this dwindled down to be almost non-existent. Upon moving to SouthLite I decided to see what the martial arts community held and I found our current dojo. I enjoy it most of the time. It is small and close-knit without a lot of ego or MMA-nonsense. But it is also frustrating to me. Part of that is inevitable because it is a different style and I didn't really want to change styles. But part of it is because it isn't as "serious" as my last dojo. I suppose this means it is ok for me to miss 3 weeks--and I think that's healthy--but it also means that classes don't get the same thought and preparation put into them that seems natural to me.

I have deliberately kept my teaching at this dojo to a minimum. I feel I spend most of my life teaching and mentoring students at work and, while I enjoy it, I don't want to feel that obligation in my "hobby." However without it I find myself in a quasi-status--I'm not a teacher but more than a student.

I'm not really sure where this post is going other than to express my many ambivalent feelings towards martial arts in general and what it is like to live life post-dojo. To me a dojo has always been a family--both literally and figuratively--and this feels like being adopted into a new family. You're part of it but not 100%.

Winter Wonderland

It snowed in SouthLite last night. This morning there is a good covering of snow on the ground. Now I have to admit I hate snow. Sure I got excited over it as a kid but honestly that only lasted a few years. Snow in ReallyBigCity gets pretty ugly pretty fast. Then we moved a little ways up North and lived in a snowbelt region for four years. We had a very long, very steep driveway and nothing but shovels and our backs to clear it. That got old for me even faster.

So you could say I'm Mr. Heatmiser. b, of course, is Mr. Snowmiser. At this very moment he has his kayak on the roof of our car and is off to go paddling.


(Sorry Moxie and b--I know this violates the "no Christmas music before Thanksgiving" rule but I couldn't resist)

Wednesday night at the dojo, one of our young students--LittleBit--was telling me how much she wanted it to snow because she wants to throw snowballs. So even in my Heatmiserly ways I am happy for her today. She may even have a Snow Day from school, as people flip out down here from even a dusting.

The nice thing about snow in SouthLite is that it will be gone by the end of the day.

RBOC: Weekend Edition

• Pupzilla has a new bone and The Brute has a new toy that squeaks.
• I'm playing with the new Genius playlist feature on I-tunes. I'm a playlistin' fool but have been sticking with a lazy shuffle as of late. This feels like a smart shuffle option.
• I just made roasted red peppers in a balsamic vinaigrette.
• Last nite b and I went to a cabaret version of Dracula. They did a great job with it but I think the story is just too big for the venue.
• During Friday nite's class my sensei decided it was "let's mess with Brigindo's head" day. He has me doing mirror-images of my forms and threatening that doing them backwards comes next. Its amazing how wrong it feels to do automatic movements on the opposite side. Its like writing with your left-hand when you're right-handed only with your whole body. Funny thing is, if you close your eyes it becomes easier.
• I believe I drank myself off my diet this weekend.
• I'm in class prepping hell--spending way to much time and getting nowhere.

RBOC: Update

• So not too much of interest has been happening here in the House of Dirt and Rocks. I'm afraid this state of affairs is likely to get worse with the coming weeks. Boy is visiting his dad and b will be leaving shortly for Alaska. That leaves yours truly home alone to obsess over her work.
• So that's what I've been doing--working on several analyses and research ideas (oh and still reading too many blogs and trying to comment - but that will end shortly). I wish I could describe some of the research I'm working on because (a) they are on really interesting and relevant topics, (b) I've had some really cool and original ideas that I'm dying to talk about, and (c) it's pretty much all I'm thinking about these days so it's hard to blog about anything else.
• Hence the RBOC post.
• I'm not particularly good at the RBOC post since the items tend not to be random but rather connected.
• I use it more as an inferior grammatical system.
• One of my favoritest colleague/friend dropped by to see me this afternoon. We went for coffee, chatted about our kids and gossiped about our department.
• Good news: my monitor and printer came in and they rock! (well I hooked up the monitor and it rocks, the printer is still sitting in the box but trust me it will rock)
• Bad news: I'm not going to be able to keep my power office. I'm just awaiting the official notification and will probably spend some time next week moving.
• It is too hot for Pupzilla and even TOC is staying inside the house today. Victoria, poor thing, is still out on the front stoop.
• Yesterday was b's birthday and we had a lovely dinner out. Tonight we are planning to go see what should prove to be a really bad movie.

Grief

Last night I found out that my Sensei has passed on. He had just turned 70. He suffered a stroke right before I moved down here. The last time I saw him he was in the hospital and I was pretty sure it was our final visit.

He was strong and recovered well for a "regular" man, however I know it took it's toll on his art and his spirit. He was a true karate-ka; he lived for the pursuit of perfection in the martial arts, both as a teacher and as a practitioner. After the stroke he became more isolated, grumpier than ever, and stopped teaching class.

A few months ago he had triple bypass surgery. He hated hospitals. When he started having chest pains this time he refused to go to the doctor. He didn't want to be poked and prodded. He died on Monday.

He could be a stubborn and difficult man but he was also kind, gentle, graceful and a true fountain of knowledge. He shaped me.

He was the closest thing Boy has ever had to a grandfather. I know it is better that he passed than for him to live with his body failing him. I know finishing life in a hospital would have been his worst nightmare but I miss him. And it hurts.