The Packet

This is the year before I put my packet in. I came to my institution as an Associate Professor without tenure, which means I have a 5 year contract. I'm starting my 3rd year; need to put my packet in the beginning of my 4th year; it will take them a year to officially decide if I "pass" or not; I'll have a year to find another job if I don't.

To get this job I answered an ad that seemed like it was written specifically for me. Or at least the me I was in my old job--not the me I wanted to be. I applied as a back-up. At the end of the first interview I found out it was a targeted search. There already was another "me" that the ad was written for and they had every intention of hiring him. However they really liked me. They were also interested in the research agenda that the "new me" wanted to pursue. So our then Department Head, who is an amazing recruiter, talked the Dean into hiring both of us--him as him (or old me) and me as new me.

This made everybody happy.

Now Old Me and New Me both have to get their packets together this year. We decided to meet every other week and share the pain. Today was our first meeting and ex-Department Head sat in with us to help. He will meet with us periodically to mentor us through the process.

It's a great department and I love the people. I know everyone wants us both to succeed and--at the risk of sounding big-headed--we both rock. That is, we both have a ton of research experience and very healthy CVs and shouldn't have a lot of trouble getting through the whole process. But we're both perfectionists and ambitious and the type of people that need to do it 100% if we're going to do it at all.

Today I found out just how much work this is going to take. I need to write up and document every frickin' thing on my CV, which is A LOT (I know an embarrassment of riches but still). I've been publishing and writing grants since 1993 and now I have to narrate and document all of that. On top of that there are things I really really want to accomplish this year to move my new research agenda forward. So basically I have to document and defend my old research life so I'll be allowed to continue on my new research life. Actually it is more like I need to use my past research life to prove I'm capable of making the same progress in my new research life. It's all good...but the year was feeling busy enough before today's meeting.

Baby Shower

I went to a baby shower today. It was for one of my previous students. I'm very fond of her and was happy to go and celebrate her joy with her friends and family. My former graduate assistant (whom I adore and miss like she was my daughter) was there and I not only got to spend time with her but also with her mother and the mother of the mother-to-be (I hope you can follow all of the mothering).

So I was happy to be there but I have to confess I'm not a big fan of showers--baby or bridal that is, I'm a huge fan of taking a shower and do so at least daily--nor do I particularly enjoy weddings. In part because I don't do the "girly stuff" very well. I tend to feel awkward and out of place.

It's been many years since I've been to a baby shower. The last few friends to have baby showers had them Up North while I was here Down South and couldn't attend. I'm also reaching the age where most of my friends are finished with the baby-making, although one or two have gotten a very late start. So I was definitely out of my element today.

This baby shower had game-playing. I don't remember games at baby showers. Perhaps I'm blocking them out. I vaguely remember something about wearing a hat made of bows but I'm pretty sure that's a bridal shower, but I digress.

This baby shower had three word games (unscramble the word types of games that were all around the theme of baby-related items--quite frankly I couldn't remember half the paraphernalia a baby requires) that were timed and gifts were awarded to the person with the most correct answers. Now many people in my family are gifted at word games (my mother does the NYT crossword in pen every week) but I am not one of them. Honestly I'm not a games player in any sense of the word.

What struck me most, however, was the amount of STUFF a baby seems to need these days. I know this part makes me sound like an old fuddy-duddy and I'm ok with that, but really the level of consumerism attached to one little baby is a bit daunting. I'm not talking the cute little outfits (because it is true that you can never have too many onesies) or teddy bears. And of course you need someplace for the child to sleep and eat. I'm even 100% behind the whole baby carseat idea...but really all that other crap? Do you really need it?

The parents-to-be had baby registeries at two establishments and the gift opening took hours. It was a particularly hot and sticky day and my poor student looks big enough to pop any day--although she's still a good 2 months away--so I'm sure she was exhausted, but the whole affair seemed a little flat. I'm not sure what I'm really saying here, except I feel all of these events get bigger and bigger and the essentials keep getting inflated but the joy doesn't seem to inflate with it. But maybe it's me--as I said I'm really not good at the girly stuff.

Creating Critics

The semester is still kicking my a$$ but my undergraduate class appears to be going well. They've been writing some great journal posts, talking up in class and today a colleague told me that one of them called me "terrific." So that felt pretty good.

Yesterday we were discussing the media and I was trying to explain what I thought media analysis should include. I told them that we need to question not just the content but who is behind the content and who is controlling the content...exactly what do we have access to and why? I made an analogy to the class itself. I told them that they should be questioning my right to teach them. How do they know I have any expertise or authority in this area? Why did I choose the topics I chose, the readings I chose, etc? What is my agenda (since we all have one)? And that I hoped, years from now when they remember whatever little tidbit they remember from this class, that they didn't just accept it as true because I said so.

I happened to catch the eye of one of my more radical students and she just raised one eyebrow. I made a joking comment that she wasn't buying what I was saying. She chuckled and said that she agreed but that it sounded funny, me saying it. I guess they don't hear that too often, but I think they should.

I never wondered about the design of a syllabus in college--or even for the first few years of graduate school--but I wished I did. At heart I'm a rule-follower and have to fight the tendency to believe people who position themselves as an authority. I really don't want that for my students--or my child--and I'm happy to take the criticism if that makes them good critics. [Note: I'm not happy with self-serving criticism--she's a bad teacher because she's hard or stuck to her attendance policy or any other nonsense like that.]

Pez

For those of you who are interested in just how the mothering role changes when your child has left home I will share with you my impressions. I have become this:


or this:


or perhaps even this:

Except instead of bland tasting candy, I dispense advice.

It seems Angel need only press a little lever (or IMs me, whichever is easiest) to make my head pop open and out shoots bite-sized pellets of advice on writing essays, teaching martial arts and joining fraternities (the last one is so incredibly comical since I never even attended a school with a sorority or fraternity, no less thought about joining one).

It seems there is no end to the topics on which I will pretend some type of expertise just to keep the conversation going.

Color me Pez.

RBOC: Updates

• The fallout of office politics has started 2 weeks into the new semester. We have a new Department Head, who has brought 3 new hires with him. We are experiencing a major change in management style and people are getting nervous. I'm way too busy to be concerned.
• I'm halfway through the next series in my Octavia Butler marathon. I've read Wild Seed and Mind of My Mind. Will start on Clay's Ark after this post.
• Angel has joined a fraternity. He had to make a very difficult decision between joining a brand new chapter or a very established one. He really liked the idea of leadership in the new frat but has decided it will be too much work and needs to concentrate on his studies.
• I have 1 paper this close (imagine two fingers held about an inch apart) to being ready to go out the door; 1 paper with the results and analysis written up; 2 papers still in the analysis phase; and more ideas for papers than I can count on 2 hands. I actually got to work on one of these papers today after a week of trying to find the time.
• b has started going to the dojo with me on Friday nights (my favorite class). We do a vigorous and intense workout and then go across the street and kick back a beer or two.
• Angel and I IM almost daily. Yesterday he told me he didn't miss home at all and today he invited his father down for Family Weekend (sigh). I know this is only fair as his father has never even been to see the University and we dropped him off but still...sigh.
• I need to spend all weekend prepping for my classes.

Bad Blogger

So my posting has been pretty close to nil lately. I'm not sure why but this semester is kicking my butt, royally. I'm at the end of the second week and feel like I've gotten very little accomplished other than teaching my 2 classes. I know this isn't technically true but they have taken up way more time than I can allow.

Part of it is that I have a new prep, but than I've had a new prep each semester since I've been here. More importantly this new prep is for an undergraduate class and I've only taught graduate students before.

The class is going fine but I don't feel like I have a rhythm yet. My graduate classes meet once a week for 3 hours; the undergraduate class meets twice a week for an hour and 15 minutes. I feel like the minute I get started I'm done and then I have to prep all over again the next day.

I'm also realizing that undergraduates just don't know that much. I don't mean to belittle them--I suppose they know as much as any undergraduate class--and I shouldn't be surprised that graduate students know more, are more experienced, are more committed, whatever--but the reality of it is throwing me through a bit of a loop.

I'm sure there's an answer for this and I'm sure I'll find it. I just hope I figure it out before the semester is completely over.

On Why He Never Ceases to Amaze Me

Yesterday Angel told me he spent the afternoon in a study group with several feminist girls. He said it was fun. I was--mildly--surprised that he spent his day off studying and curious about the need to describe the young women as feminists. So I asked if it was a good thing or a bad thing that they were feminists. He said "A good thing. I like feminists....like you."

I guess I did something right.

Tonight he's rushing a fraternity. This is something I never expected.