The Scientiae Carnival this month is about one door closing and another opening (or vice versa). As my regular readers know, the big door that closed for me this year is active mothering. Active mothering is a phrase I termed for having a child in the home with you; a child you nurture and care for on a daily basis. That ended for me when Angel went away to college. I am now on inactive status. As with the military, inactive status can be stressful in its own right--you never know when you'll be needed and called to serve. Inactive status still feels, for me, less than.
I assumed that when this door closed a new one would open. I can't make it open (although I'd like to); I can't force the new door to be my research or a new relationship (although Pumpkin has been a big help). I honestly don't think I've really been ready for a new door. I think the closing of this door is a big task unto itself. I am just beginning to find a semblance of peace with my new life--as long as I don't think too hard about my old one. Hopefully with time and continued peace a new door will show itself. What it will be or where it will take me, I really haven't a clue.