RBOC: Can't Manage A Coherent Post Edition

• Day O"Advising is done and I couldn't be happier.  It went fine.  There were problems. Maybe they'll be fixed next time or maybe it can't be fixed.  I don't really care.  I'm just glad I don't have to advise anyone tomorrow.
• I seem to know a lot of people who are breaking up or have broken-up recently.  They are all women.  Most of them are doing/have done the breaking up.  In talking with them it brings back memories of leaving my ex.  The stories are all so similar.
• Angel is thinking about applying to this school. It looks very cool and very expensive. While the job placement rate is extremely high, it is not a degree-granting institution. That makes me nervous.
• Pumpkin is applying for a new job.  She has a job and feels guilty applying for another one.  The new job would be a better match for her interests but over the long run won't pay as well.  I think she is perfect for the new job but she just found out that a friend, who already has two graduate degrees and has worked for the organization previously, is also applying.  She is worried.  She sent her application in yesterday and today they scheduled an interview.  I am not so worried.
• The President visited SouthLite recently and worked out at my gym.  He was there early in the morning but b and I slept in that day.  Of course.
• Yesterday I finished grading all the papers in my possession.  Tomorrow I get a new set.
• The w and q on my keyboard have stopped working.  I will have to send my laptop away for 5 days to get it fixed. You don't realize how often you use the w until you can't do it any longer.  
• b wanted me to type "doubleu" and "cue" instead.  It would look something like this:  The doubleu and cue on my keyboard have stopped doubleuorking.  I doubluill have to send my laptop adoubleuay for 5 days to get it fixed.  You don't realize hodoubleu often you use the doubleu until you can't do it any longer.  I opted to attach an external keyboard instead.  You're welcome.

Shopping With Pumpkin

I went further south to spend the weekend with Pumpkin and BB.  This morning Pumpkin and I went shopping at both flea and farmers markets.  Although it was a little hot and sticky (but nowhere near as bad as it usually is down here), we had a great time.  Pumpkin ended up with three plates, two tea cups, eleven forks, five knives (for her wedding) and two watermelons (for a watermelon carving party).  I ended up with some fun shots.

We found amazing produce at both types of markets and I tried boiled peanuts for the first time.

There was no shortage of colorful items at the flea markets.  I couldn't help but think of Angel as a little boy when passing by the table of toy cars and trains.

There was a fantastic table of refurbished cast iron cookware.  b would have loved it.

RBOC: Observations on "Me Time" Edition

• It is really hot here in SouthLite.  Even when they say it's not going to be that hot, it is that hot.  "Me Time" would be a lot more fun if going outside didn't feel so bad.
• I find myself making simpler meals and eating fewer times a day.  Pupzilla is not happy with the lack of  scraps. She barks at me to get cooking.  
• Workouts always put me in a better mood and they give me a reason to leave the house. However it is really hard to convince myself of this fact when I wake up in the morning. Yoga classes help, as they have a specific schedule.
• Much of the work that I have to do this month is in the very disheartening reading, researching and thinking phase.  It is a critical phase but always feels so unproductive when I'm in it.  The only other work is dreary administrative work.  
• I'm taking the Essentials Photoshop Course over here.  It just started this week and was supposed to be  one of the more entertaining activities for the month (since I liked the SkinnyMini so much).  It is a helpful course but we are going pretty slow and the entertainment factor is low at the moment.
• I'm watching a lot of Homicide: Life on the Streets.  How I love Andre Braugher. 
• Angel is UpNorth visiting his dad; Pumpkin and BB are visiting distant countries where the sun never truly sets; and b has made it to The Last Frontier.
• b has been texting me, whenever cell service is available, throughout his journey.  He puts into the water in 2 days and there will be no more correspondence (except for daily emails from the Spot Locator letting me know he's ok) until he is done.

Family Arrangements

For some reason (perhaps it was all the wedding and marriage talk going on around here) I recently realized that I am the only person in my family to have (technically) gotten divorced.  My mother did leave my father when I was seven but never bothered to make it legal.  She had no intention of marrying again (and although she has had several long term relationships, she hasn't remarried to this date) and then he died nine years later.  This left her a widow, something she didn't realize until she started collecting social security many years later.  As luck would have it, by not filing for divorce she now has bigger monthly checks.

Neither of my grandparents divorced or separated (although one pair probably should have) and none of my sisters have gotten a divorce.  So currently, I stand alone (and hope I remain that way, of course).

Today I ran across these statistics on step-families.  It made me realize, all over again, that I don't have any step-family members.  I did have a step-son during my first marriage but since that marriage is dissolved the relationship no longer exists (legally or emotionally; he is also my age so it never felt like a stepmother-son relationship, more like an incredibly awkward and inappropriate sibling relationship).  Angel has two step-parents, a biological half-brother, an adopted half-brother, and a step-sister.  b, of course, has a step-son but no other step-relatives as his parents never divorced either.  However his brother has twice, so that must make up for something.  Pumpkin takes the cake.  She has an adopted father, step-mother, one biological half-sister, and six other siblings that have no biological ties to her but are some form of half-step-adopted sibling.  (No one outside of the family can actually keep track of them all).  Now she also has me and b as emotionally-adopted parents.*

Of course, as the data show, these arrangements are all fairly frequent these days and will probably continue to grow.  What I find strange is that my family-of-origin appears so conservative when it comes to family configurations.  It is not like I have some la-de-da happy childhood to thank for it. In fact one could say that we took the 'fun' right out of dysfunctional when it came to family togetherness. So what is missing from this equation?  Unmarried partnerships.  We've had several of those in my family.  I wonder where they get figured into the data.

A major problem with doing research with families (as I do) is figuring out how to define a family. This becomes even harder when you consider the impact of time, as families change frequently. We decide within our families who we consider to be a family member and even then we may not all agree.  I found it interesting that Pew made the connection with obligations.  I tend to see it the other way around.  Those I consider myself obligated to, those I have chosen to be responsible for and to allow to be responsible for me, are my family members.  Blood and legal documents seem so much less significant.

*Pumpkin called as I was finishing up this post to invite us to an engagement party with both her and BB's parents.  We started talking about the post and she asked where in-laws fit in (no surprise since in-laws are very much on her mind these days).  It was a good question but probably deserving of its own post. 

RBOC: In Which I Post Simply Because It Has Been Too Long Between Posts

• Do I even need to say the semester has been crazy?
• Classes are going well.
• My grant did not get funded.  It didn't even get discussed.  However my institution may be paying me to rewrite it over the summer.  
• It is possible I will make more money in the writing of this grant than if I were to actually get it.
• Service is driving me crazy.  Really somedays I have to wonder if tenure is really worth all this aggravation.
• Last weekend I visited Pumpkin.  BB has left for a 5-week trip to Antarctica.
• Pumpkin directed the Vagina Monologues at her school.  I watched 2 of the 3 performances and was most impressed.
• Angel is having a wisdom tooth issue.  I did a stint of bad mothering trying to convince him it was nothing only to find out he has a major infection.  
• b and I are not big fans of Valentine's Day but we did a little celebrating.

We had pizza.

Had some wine.

And I made cookies.
Other than that I am counting the days until Spring Break.

RBOC: All That's Left Is The Baking Edition

• It's been a busy week.  Next week will be twice as busy but for the next two days it is nothing but holiday cheer.  
• Presents have been wrapped (well except for Pupzilla's); the tree trimmed; menus planned; and the house is stocked with food and drink.  
• Angel has been home for the past two days and will be with us until Monday.  
• I've been doing double-duty at the gym this week: once with b and then again with Angel.  
• Today I took a tai chi class and a yoga class.  I feel very mellow.
• Pumpkin and BB came over last night to celebrate with us.  I made them chicken marsala and raspberry buttermilk cake.  They are off to Minnesota tomorrow morning to spend Christmas with Pumpkin's grandmother.
• Tomorrow I will spend most of the day making cinnamon buns for Christmas morning.  It is a long process but totally worth it.  I only make them once a year so they are a very special event. 
• I am waiting for b to come home from a late shift.  Once he is home the festivities can begin.

Hope you all have a wonderful holiday, if in fact this weekend brings a holiday that you celebrate.

The Best Thanksgiving Ever

I am not a fan of Thanksgiving.  In fact, for many years, I refused to eat the Thanksgiving feast. Sometimes I would cook something completely different for my little family (ex-husband and myself) and other times we would go to my sister's house where she would cook me something extra.  Eventually I fell in line but I rarely enjoyed the holiday.  When we moved down to SouthLite we started camping for Thanksgiving.  That was great until last year when it rained and Angel was with us for a total of 4 hours.

This year b and I decided we'd do a more traditional Thanksgiving at home.  Angel, who now has seniority at his job, did not have to work and came up Tuesday evening (and stayed until Sat afternoon! Longest visit from him in quite some time).  We got a chance to hang and talk and bond all day Wednesday.  We took Pupzilla on a long walk and talked the day away.

Angel & Pupzilla

Pumpkin and BB came up Wednesday evening.  b came home from work and made a fabulous spinach lasagna and garlic bread.  We all sat around the table eating and drinking and talking and laughing.  It was wonderful.  BB and Angel bonded over a geeky online video game and spent much of the evening with their heads bent over a laptop.

b spent all Thanksgiving Day cooking.  He started at 9 in the morning making us a wonderful frittata and then went right into the preparing the big meal.  It was his first real bird.  He usually cooks Thanksgiving dinner in dutch ovens, which won't fit a whole bird.  He followed Mr. Brown's advice and it turned out beautifully.  We set the table and spruced ourselves up and then sat down to a huge meal that was over way too soon.

b's bird

Dessert was apple cobbler and homemade ice cream.  We were too full to touch the pumpkin pie.

The next morning Pumpkin and BB had to go visit some of her relatives before they drove back home.  But we had new visitors.  My sister, C, and her fiance (my soon to be BIL that I had never met before) K, had spent the holidays at K's brother's house, which is just a few cities away from SouthLite.  So C & K showed up Friday morning and stayed until Saturday morning.  b had to go to work but Angel and I had a lovely time with them both.  We went out for brunch and then took Pupzilla for a long walk, but mostly we talked and talked and talked.  I so miss having my sisters around.  K was super sweet and smart and funny (with a very dry dry sense of humor that I admire).

This morning everyone had to get up and leave but Angel lazed about for a while.  We enjoyed one more breakfast together and then he was on the road.  This has been the best visit home from him since he went to school.  He seems so much more comfortable now and acted like the son I remember.  I'm sure it has to a lot to do with being securely on his own and settled in his new life. Intellectually I knew our relationship was still strong but this is the first time it actually felt good to be with him since he's left home.  It did me a world of good and now I'm so looking forward to Christmas.

Things That Are Bringing Me Joy

• Seeing the light at the end-of-the-semester tunnel shine bigger and brighter each day.
• Being able to write...really write...my own writing.  Because of the aforementioned light, I was able to send two revised manuscripts off to my co-authors in the past week.  On top of the pure productivity aspect, I really really like the "stories" these two manuscripts are now telling.
• Planning two new research projects for the spring.  The possibilities always seem endless in the planning stage.
• Having a student in my doctoral class say she was sorry there was only one class left after today...and really mean it.
• Having students in my undergraduate service learning class cry during their presentation because of the bonds they forged with the participants in their community agencies.  Now normally I don't like to see my students cry but this was an exception.  One of them said they received more than they gave.  Their community agency mentors were there and it was evident the feelings were quite mutual.  Almost brought tears to my eyes.
• Getting a call from Angel because he is excited about a paper he is writing (two days ahead of time) for a class and wanted to describe it to me.
• Knowing that Angel, Pumpkin and BB, will all be here for Thanksgiving and that they can all stay for more than 24 hours this year.
• Anticipating a visit from my sister!  One, where I will finally meet my future brother-in-law IRL.

RBOC: The End Is In Sight? Edition

• My To Do Lists are so out of control I've now started an entirely separate list called To Review.
• I have what feels like an impossible amount of items to review, edit, and/or grade within the next three weeks.  This is particularly bad since no matter how many years I've been doing this, it still always takes me longer to review/edit/grade something than I think it will. 
• This weekend I had to take a little time off for BB&B.  Pumpkin came up last night and stayed over for the event.  There was also some necessary house-cleaning that had to happen.  And of course there was the event itself.
• The weather was beautiful so we had it outside.  Six of our ten members were there along with plenty of wine. 
• My oven is busted so I could not bake anything but one member brought Chocolate-Chip Pumpkin Muffins. I also cheated and bought a few things from a local bakery.  I must admit I indulged a little more than my new healthy lifestyle allows.
• Amongst all this plenty, we had a lively discussion about cannibalism.  We also talked a little history, spirit, romance, and motherhood.  All can be found in our book choice.
• For the first time we ended without a definite date or book for our next meeting.  I think everyone is feeling the pressure and we will likely not meet again until the semester is done.
• Although it is still over 6 weeks away, I'm just beginning to believe that this semester may actually end one day.
• The grant I've been working on for over a year finally got out the door and was received at NIH.  Perhaps having that off my shoulders has changed my perspective a bit. 
• In other news, I received a small internal grant that will help me start a research agenda around my doula work with teen moms.
• A doctoral student and I are also close to sending our first manuscript out on a small project I started two years ago with a group of highly invested and interested students.  It has actually grown into a decent size study with some interesting findings. 

RBOC: It's Just Too Hot Edition

• It's freakin' hot here in SouthLite, as it is almost everywhere.  b's interesting little factoid for the day is that 72 degrees was the coolest it was in the entire country today.  My response: That's just wrong.
• To escape the heat we went to see The Inception today.  It was entertaining but not as mind-bending as I think they wanted it to be.  It did make us forget about the heat for 2 1/2 hours however, so that was good.
• Pumpkin is in town this weekend and staying at our place.  She has a job interview next week and had to make these "paper doll" cutouts for a mock lesson she will need to teach.

• Yesterday was the 2nd meeting of Books, Booze & Broads.  We read this book.  It was a lively discussion and 9 of the original 10 invited members attended.  I made this and served fresh fruit and sorbet with it.
• Angel got a check engine light on in his car that's costing us 900 bucks.  This on top of a costly vacation equals Le Sigh.
• I went to my chi gung class today.  It is only offered once a month and I have to travel to a near-by city to attend.  It was amazing.  The energy in the room changes me and the teacher, an 82 year old man from China, is truly inspiring.  
• Rereading the above bullet, I realize how cheezy that sounds but the truth is there is no other way to describe it (at least not in bullet form).
• We brought home two dozen bagels from our trip.  They now live in our freezer and give us a taste of home every once in a while.

• Speaking of freezers, I accidentally froze a bottle of wine today.  When I opened the freezer door the cork had popped halfway out of the bottle and when I took it out it went shooting across the floor.  Surprisingly, it still tasted good.
• I have this song stuck in head from a commercial before the movie.
• I hate that we get commercials in movies now but I still love a good preview. 
• Did I mention it was hot?  It feels like air conditioning isn't working anymore but my electric bill tells me otherwise.  I'm praying for rain and a high of 88 tomorrow. 

Stoner

Pumpkin gave me several books for my birthday.  Many of them are off my Amazon Wish List, which I had told her I keep public just for such purposes. She knows I love getting books as presents and did a great job picking them out from my extensive list. But she also strayed off the list, which, unbeknownst to her, is something I enjoy even more.

Pumpkin's favorite book is Gone With The Wind.  She was talking to a co-worker about favorite books and her feelings for GWTW and he mentioned that Stoner was his favorite.  He said it was an amazingly intense and emotional book and the only one he has ever had to put aside while reading because of the intensity.  She was intrigued and looked it up.  What she read about it reminded her of me and she included it in my gift.

Have I mentioned how amazing Pumpkin is?

I can't believe I've gone through 45 years of reading (or being read to) without ever having found John Williams or this novel before.  It is a quiet but brilliantly intense read.  It was published in my birth year and the story takes place at the beginning of the century but it still holds true today.  It is set in academia but it is a book about life and love and work.  It is a must read.

I told my mother about the book before I started reading it.  My entire life I have been convinced that my mother has read every book worth reading but she had never heard of the novel or the author.  Having now read it, she agrees with my assessment and offered a likeness to Marilynne Robinson's work.  I hadn't made a connection but it is definitely there.

If this post hasn't piqued your curiosity enough to go out and find a copy in your local library (or bookstore) yet, here are some quotes.

On privilege and gender:

So she grew up with a frail talent in the more genteel arts, and no knowledge of the necessity of living from day to day.  Her needlepoint was delicate and useless, she painted misty landscapes of thin water-color washes, and she played the piano with a forceless but precise hand; yet she was ignorant of her own bodily functions, she had never been alone to care for her own self one day of her life, nor could it ever have occurred to her that she might become responsible for the well-being of another.  Her life was invariable, like a low hum; and it was watched over by her mother, who, when Edith was a child, would sit for hours watching her paint her pictures or play her piano, as if no other occupation were possible for either of them.

 On gender and marriage:

She had gone into her marriage to Horace Bostwick with that dissatisfaction so habitual within her that it was a part of her person; and as the years went on, the dissatisfaction and bitterness increased, so general and pervasive that no specific remedy might assuage them.  Her voice was thin and high, and it held a note of hopelessness that gave a special value to every word she said.

On teaching and passion:

Now and then he became so caught by his enthusiasm that he stuttered, gesticulated, and ignored the lecture notes that usually guided his talks.  At first he was disturbed by his outbursts, as if he presumed too familiarly upon his subject, and he apologized to his students; but when they began coming up to him after class, and when in their papers they began to show hints of imagination and the revelation of a tentative love, he was encouraged to do what he had never been taught to do.  The love of literature, of language, of the mystery of the mind and heart showing themselves in the minute, strange, and unexpected combinations of letters and words, in the blackest and coldest print--the love which he had hidden as if it were illicit and dangerous, he began to display, tentatively at first, and then boldly, and then proudly.  

RBOC: Action-Packed Weekend Edition

• Friday was graduation.  We always have two graduations on the same day--the big university-wide graduation and than a smaller graduation.  The smaller graduation used to be for our entire school (5 departments) so it wasn't that small.  This year the Powers-That-Be decided every department should host their own graduation. Personally I find this to be a poor use of resources but no one asked me.
• The university-wide graduation was in the morning.  I didn't go.  In my department we generally take turns representing at the morning graduation and I went last year.  
• I did attend the afternoon graduation and since it was only my department it was much smaller (and quicker) and I thought we did a very nice job hosting it.  I still think it is a bad idea but we executed it well.
• Moments before graduation was over a note was brought down from the Dean's office and passed to my department head on the podium.  He announced that a faculty member had won the university-wide teaching award.  Then he said it was me.
• I'm not one for surprises and this was a rather big one.
• It is a really nice honor but, even better, it comes with a monetary award.  
• It was a very nice way to end the semester.
• When graduation was over I got in the car and drove 3 hours down to Pumpkin's house.  We had plans for a mother-daughter weekend.  We did a lot of fun things.  We walked along the river; found a cool antiques store; went out for drinks with one of her friends (who is also a doula--so there was a lot of childbirth talk); cooked yummy dinners and stayed up late talking.
• By Sunday afternoon I was exhausted.  I drove the 3 hours home and met up with b to do the food shopping for the week.  After all of that all I could manage was to go out for pizza and beer.
• This morning I had to get up early and head out to a work-related workshop.  It will run for a full two weeks of eight hour days. Today's information felt like it could have been covered in an hour. Luckily a good friend is attending with me so it wasn't all bad. 
• Here are a few pictures from my weekend with Pumpkin:

Walking and talking

The river

Pumpkin

My favorite piece in the antique store.

Birthday/Mothers Day Weekend

Friday morning, b and I got up on the early side (for us) and had a quick breakfast in our favorite local diner.  Then we drove south for an hour and a bit to a national forest where we heard there was lots of good hiking.  One of my favorite birthday activities is to spend the day hiking in the woods with my husband.

We found the trailhead and started off.  We were aiming to hike a loop and had the entire day ahead of us.  Unfortunately we had to keep Pupzilla at home.  She has reached an age where a day long hike is not possible and, as it was a hot and sticky day, I don't think she would have lasted an hour.

We were warned that the area was confusing and could be difficult to navigate.  We had a book of trails but no map.  Signs like the one above would have been helpful except the name did not actually match the trail.

I like to hike by water, like a river, lake or creek.  The book mentioned several water crossings but the actual water was pretty minimal.

We saw mileage signs at the very beginning and very end of the hike.  For the rest of the day, signs were few and far between.

At one point we turned onto a gravel path.  It was pretty but not very challenging.

b checked his GPS at each critical juncture.

Several hours into the hike we reached a critical juncture of three trails.  It coincided with what we were expecting from the little map we had in our book.  Unfortunately these three trails connected twice and we thought we were at a very different juncture than we actually were.  b says we committed a classic error of "bending the map."

We kept expecting to find this trail but since we weren't where we thought we were the junctures never appeared.  We finally figured it out and adjusted ourselves in the right direction.  We ended up on this trail but had no definitive proof until we were back at the trailhead.

Almost 5 hours and 8 1/2 mile later I was back at the car and out of my boots.   It was a great hike.

We drove home, showered up and headed out to one of my favorite restaurants.  The food was quite yummy.  We finished the evening at one of our favorite bars, where I indulged in some chocolate mousse.

The next morning, Pumpkin came over and we ran some errands together.  One of the errands was to pick up my new bicycle.

Later in the afternoon, Angel drove up and we all hung out in the backyard while b grilled us up a lovely dinner.

Earlier in the day I had baked my favorite cake (chocolate with peanut butter frosting) and I had been making ice cream all week.  I ended up with three pints: coffee (decaf), cinnamon, and chocolate.   We headed inside as the sun went down and tried them all.

Angel had to drive home so he could work in the morning but Pumpkin spent the night.  We stayed up and watched one of my favorite movies: Orlando.  Pumpkin didn't like it all that much and napped through most of it.  Sunday morning she left to attend her friends' graduation and b and I spent a very laid back day together.

All-in-all it was a very lovely weekend but I am looking forward to getting back to my usual routine.  

A Hike Built For Two

b went to some paddling extravaganza this weekend, leaving Pupzilla and I to fend for ourselves. Today was an amazingly beautiful day and I thought a hike on one of our favorite trails was in order. One of the things I really love about SouthLite is the number of greenways, trails, and paths that run through the city. In about 15 minutes you can be on a very lovely path through the woods and around the lakes.

Our hike was postponed slightly as Pumpkin and BB decided to drop by for lunch. One of Pumpkin's family members passed away this week and the viewing was today with the funeral tomorrow. This is a distant family member for Pumpkin so she is not grieving but other family members are and she is anxious to support them. I fed them leftovers and we talked a bit about funerals (this is the first one for both of them). They then changed into more appropriate attire. BB had the suit he wore to his high school prom and he has not worn it since. I think you see where this is going. He looked particularly uncomfortable as he left, especially since I had given him a rather generous helping of mac & cheese.

So our hike occurred in the afternoon. Luckily the day was cool enough that this was not a problem for Pupzilla. The trail I chose is not very hilly so that helped too.

Pupzilla waits patiently while I take her picture before we start our hike.

The beginning of the trail goes through an open field.

Pupzilla decided she needed to roll in the dried grass.

Luckily the path quickly turns wooded.

The trail goes along a lake.

Pupzilla does her version of a swim.

We walk 0n dirt.

We walk over bridges.

We walked on walkways.

Puppy got tired from so much walking but she soldiered on.

We passed big houses.

[BTW, I don't get the big house appeal. This house looks as big as some apartment buildings I've lived in. What do you do with all that space and how do you keep it clean?]

We saw wildlife

And more wildlife.

But the only flowers we saw were these little buttercups

We realized the world can be beautiful when you look at it from the top...

...or the bottom.

All hail the mighty Pupzilla.