Fun With Students

Today the students in my doctoral class looked burned out.  Several were busy on their computers as I entered the class and no one was talking.  This is unusual for the group as they are a friendly and chatty bunch.  As more students arrived, each one brought in their own dour looks.  The day was rainy and chilly and that wasn't helping anyone's mood.

It was the second-to-last class of the semester; the class before Thanksgiving, and the last class where we had to discuss some serious reading.  I knew it was not going to go well.  Instead of starting off with questions on the reading, as was my original intention, I asked them all about their Thanksgiving plans.  I let them go on a while and then encouraged us to go wildly off-topic. Somehow we got onto run-ins with small critters.  One student told a hilarious family story about fat squirrels.  Some of us laughed ourselves to tears.  I let it go a little longer after that and then started the class half an hour late.

We ended up having a good discussion and a great class.

For my undergraduate class I had prepared an activity, a group discussion, and a lecture. Sometimes the group discussions bomb and sometimes they are helpful but rarely do they extend past 15-20 minutes.  We were still on the topic of childbirth and the discussion ended up taking the entire period.  It was the liveliest and most interactive discussion we've had to date and I let it go a little astray.  This became obvious when I realized we were talking about eating placentas and someone started googling how to cook them.  It was the first class where they didn't all get up to leave as soon as the period was over.  In fact several stayed after class to talk with me further.

Some days I really enjoy teaching.

On Teaching Doctoral Students

Sometimes I really love teaching doctoral students.  Well most of the time I really love teaching doctoral students.  This semester my doctoral class is going particularly well and it is a very welcome relief because the undergraduate class is not thrilling me.  (I normally love teaching undergraduates but this is seriously altered when my class size is 40+.)

Of course part of the love comes from having students that are really engaged in the subject; students who want to learn and are at a point in their lives when they can devote most of their time to learning.  I consider this an extreme luxury in the world of teaching.  The flip side is that when a doctoral student is not particularly engaged it sucks far worse than a disengaged undergraduate or masters' student.  Perhaps it is the expectation but I suspect it is because the stakes are so much higher.

But what is really nice about teaching doctoral students is the benefit of having them around for several years.  I only teach one undergraduate course, so I don't get repeat undergrad students. I've had a few who have worked on my research and had the opportunity to watch them develop over the span of a year or two, but these students are few and far between.  When I was teaching in the masters' program I had more interactions with those students.  I would get to know the entire cohort and even if I didn't teach them again, they were generally around and involved in the department in a way that I could watch their progress.  But our masters' program is only two years long and in the last semester most of them are away doing an internship.

In the doctoral program I have time to really get to know all of the students.  I am the doctoral coordinator so I get to meet most of them as they are applying.  I run their orientation and help them get on their feet during their first semester.  I teach a core methodology course they all have to take in their first or second year and many attend my writing group.  For some I'll serve on their dissertation committee.  Our doctoral students hang around for 3-5 years, with most of them on the 5-year plan.  This is enough time to see them really come into their own; to develop their skills; to find their voice; to become colleagues instead of students.  It is a beautiful thing to watch.

I have one student who is getting ready to graduate this spring.  She was my graduate assistant for her first two years.  She's been a student in three of my classes.  I was the chair of her program committee and am serving on her dissertation committee.  We've published together and have plans to continue some collaborations once she graduates.  I've been advising her as she has started searching for full-time employment.  I've seen her through some tough personal crisises.  I can't quite believe she is the same young woman who first showed up on my doorstep full of unrealistic dreams and expectations.

I can't quite believe she'll be gone next year.

Hot Topics

Today we discussed abortion in my undergraduate class.  I've taught this subject at both the undergraduate and graduate levels for the past 5 years.  In previous years I've always managed to avoid the pro-choice/pro-life debate.

I don't find it a useful debate for the country and I certainly don't find it a useful debate for the classroom.

This year I showed a movie (I Had An Abortion) on Tuesday.  Whenever I show a movie in class I have the students hand in three questions or topics that they want to discuss in class from the movie.  I group the questions/topics into themes and then we discuss them as a group.

While I do have control over which topics/themes I choose, it was much harder to get away from pro-choice/pro-life this time.  It is the only framework people are really given on abortion in this country.  So we addressed it to an extent but worked on finding other frameworks or issues around the topic.

What concerns me is not my students' personal stance on abortion but their general lack of knowledge on the topic, especially on legal and policy issues.  A few were not aware (until the movie) that abortion had ever been illegal.  There is a general perception that abortion is uniformly available and easy to get.  We talked a bit about issues of access, particularly around insurance and healthcare reform, and about the personhood amendment and what is happening in Mississippi.  For almost all of them this was brand new knowledge.

How can we move forward if no one is even aware of the issues?

Adult Learners

This semester I am teaching both undergraduates and doctoral students.  After teaching for over 5 years in both programs I am finally beginning to understand the difference between the two types of students.

Of course there are the obvious differences.  A lot of faculty focus on the difference in motivation: graduate students (especially doctoral students) want to be in school and have a vested interest in the field while many undergraduates feel college is mandatory and do not have a fondness for academics generally or the field specifically.  I suppose this changes by institution, field and program but the majority of our undergraduates are just doing time.

But the difference I've really narrowed in on lately is the ability to be vulnerable.  Undergraduates (at least traditionally-aged undergraduates--undergraduates are a pretty diverse group these days and I know I am over-simplifying here) are used to not knowing material.  They have been effectively trained throughout their K-12 education that they don't know much and the teacher knows everything. This is unfortunate as many of us know a lot less than we think and some of us would welcome being challenged on what we do know.  An effective undergraduate teacher needs to provide them with opportunities to challenge not only what they know but what others (particularly those in authority) know and then be able to evaluate the difference.  They need to own their knowledge enough to be vulnerable when it is challenged.  There is less vulnerability because they have less to lose.  They need to learn how to push their knowledge and to push back when others, such as their teachers, make knowledge claims.  I haven't mastered this yet by any means but I am recognizing that this is what my students need.

Doctoral students are in a very different position.  Most of them are coming back to school and are accomplished adults.  To get into a doctoral program is not easy and ours requires you already have a masters' degree.  This means we are teaching individuals who have a level of expertise in our (or a related) field and most have been working professionals for some time.  They are talented, intelligent, motivated and used to excelling in their area.  In their very first semester of the doctoral program this confidence is being shaken.  They are recognizing all that they do not know; all that they have to learn; and are beginning to question if they really are all that they thought they were. Many have a very difficult time being vulnerable in the classroom or in their assignments.

Vulnerability is incredibly important for learning.  You can only learn if you are open and being open makes you vulnerable.  Most (young) undergraduates are used to being open and don't feel defensive about acquiring new knowledge (that is not to say they can't be resistant; there are many ways that people resist learning).  Being vulnerable is a risky business and adults who have gained a sense of competence and confidence are reluctant to put themselves in that position again.  I am learning how to recognize this reluctance and to help students work through it.  For many it is helpful to acknowledge their expertise and to allow them to be comfortable with the discomfit of being a novice again.

I gave feedback on papers to both my undergraduate and my doctoral students last week.  Most of it was negative.  The undergraduates were concerned with their grades.  If the grade was even marginally good they didn't feel the need to see the feedback.  If the grade was bad, their only concern was the ramifications for their final grade.  The doctoral students reacted very differently.  I had two in my office today to discuss their papers.  The underlying concern was that this meant they might not be who they thought they were.  I could see the dreaded imposter syndrome rearing its ugly head.  With each of them I discussed writing as an continuous learning process and I acknowledge what they could do.  I let my students know that I expect them to struggle and that I deliberately give them difficult assignments so that they will be forced to do so. I expect them to learn from their assignments and they do.

I feel confident in my ability to make the classroom safe spaces for my doctoral students; a space to admit what they don't know; to stretch themselves and, occasionally, to fall down.  Sometimes it takes private conversations like the ones I had today to help establish that trust. I feel less confident in my ability to push my undergraduates.  I don't really buy that they don't care.  I'm sure there are a few who truly don't; a few who don't know why they are in college in the first place; but I am convinced that no one wants to do poorly and that most people want to push their understanding of a topic as long as you can hook them on the topic in the first place.  Now I need to find that hook.

The Mid-Semester Blues

My students were driving me a little crazy today.  To clarify, I mean my undergraduate students.  My doctoral student writing group met today and much progress has been made.  The undergrads were a very different story.

The story may need a little context.  We are now just halfway through the semester.  We've just come back from fall break.  They have gotten 65% of their grade for the semester.  Several failed the mid-term and only a handful did well on the paper.  I'm not happy and they're not happy (well most of them are not happy and 4 of them dropped the class).

The class was much smaller today.  In addition to the 4 drops, 8 were absent and 4 came in late. One of the people who came in late also left very early.  Several others seemed to have urgent bathroom needs.  Did I mention I was not happy?

I'll admit, today's topic is not one of my favorites and the format was almost completely lecture.  I prefer discussion but there was very little of that happening today.  I realized later when I recorded the attendance that at least half of those absent were my best students (and the ones I can count on for an interesting discussion).  To be fair, I generally find my interest in teaching any class decreases considerably at the halfway mark. I think if my semester was 8 weeks long, I'd get bored at week 4.  

We have some serious issues going on in our undergraduate program.  We are working on correcting them but I'm afraid it will take a few years.  In the meantime it is brutal getting through these classes.  Our enrollment has grown so much in the last few years that we can no longer use our regular advising system.  Tomorrow we are trying out a new system where we will be advising in groups for about 6 hours straight.  Somehow I don't think my mood will improve.

In Which We Don't Go To The Beach

This morning we pulled the plug on the beach vacation.  We had been iffy on the financial prudence of the trip from the beginning and there was more than a little threat of rain for the entire time we would be there (of course now the forecast is changing).  I am fine with the decision and am hoping we can make it happen for spring break.  b, I think, is sadder.

So there is still tons of grading in front of me but also a full week of not having a reason to go into the office. We will make plans as the days go by.  Angel and a friend may come up at the end of the week for their fall break.

I spent several hours grading the first set of undergraduate papers today.  It was painful.  I know grading is always abhorrent and our students have serious writing deficits but this was particularly painful.  I tried a new assignment and it was really bad.  I think it could eventually be a good (and important) assignment but this version is quite bad.  So I am stuck figuring out grades that are fair for their lack of ability and effort but also fair for the poor quality of the assignment.

One of the (several) reasons why the assignment was bad is that it depended on peer reviews.  I believe (strongly) in draft writing for my students.  If I don't force them to write in drafts they will hand in what they wrote the night before.  With almost 50 students I can't provide feedback and grade drafts.  In fact just grading the final product is going to take upwards of three days (again, partly my own fault because of the suckitude of the assignment).  Most (if not all) of my colleagues do not give written assignments for classes of 50 and above.  So I thought I'd compromise and give one small assignment in two drafts with peer reviewers providing feedback between the drafts.  The problem with the plan is that the students don't know how to write and therefore most don't provide adequate feedback.  In fact some give quite wrong feedback.

Students, in general, don't understand the meaning of revision.  In most cases I'm finding very little difference between draft one and draft two and some very complimentary peer reviews (they have to hand the whole packet in: original, peer review and final).  So as I am reading the final products I am realizing I needed to provide several lessons: (1) on the original assignment idea (which focused on reading in my discipline); (2) on writing; (3) on giving a peer review; and (4) on revising.  None of this, of course, is possible in the time I have to teach the course content.

As found in many other universities, we have a policy for integrating writing across the curriculum. This means teaching writing isn't supposed to only happen in students' general education requirements, such as English, but instead should happen in their major as well.  The current policy has every major offering a course that focuses on writing and that course is supposed to be capped at a certain size (certainly not 50).  My course is not the course.  My course isn't even a required course in the major.  But I believe in writing so there is a lot of writing in my course but this is the only assignment that provides feedback on writing.

The problem is enrollment has increased dramatically and it is difficult for some departments (including mine) to cover these writing courses for all their majors.  The university is trying to come up with a new system but the current suggestion, in my opinion, doesn't solve the problem.  However it will probably hide it.

I believe students should graduate college knowing how to write clearly; how to organize and present their thoughts in a written format.  I know they won't learn that (a) in one or two courses only and (b) without getting feedback between drafts.  I also believe their reading comprehension and critical thinking skills should increase from their college experience.  I believe writing helps there too. This assignment has done none of the above.

I am amazed when I read Angel's drafts, not because they are perfect but because I know where his writing was in high school.  I also see the connection between his ability to think and analyze text and his increasing ability to write.  I want the same for my students.  Unfortunately in the current climate it makes more sense for me to drop the assignment completely than to make it a useful one.

Writing Group

Last year I started a writing group with my doctoral students.  It is primarily a support/accountability group.  We meet every two weeks for coffee and to update each other on where we are with a current project or product.  Attendance was spotty the first year but by the end we had a small core group that volunteered to keep the group going during the summer.

We had a meeting today and many of my regulars from last year had to miss it.  However we have had an influx of new members this year, including 4 first year students who showed up for the first time today.  The first years were very excited to be invited to the group and some of them took notes.

Standard advice is that these types of groups should not combine faculty and students.  I believe the thinking is that (a) faculty can be intimidating (making students less likely to be open and honest and making it harder for students to get the support that they need) and (b) it can become an instructional group, with students looking to faculty members for instructions on writing.  I don't feel that this is happening with my group but my original intention was to get it started and then back out.

  

Today we had a discussion about the composition of the group: whether more faculty should be invited or whether it should be faculty-free.  The group was quite clear that they didn't want it changed from its present configuration.  We share problems that arise in the process of writing and I do give more "tips" than any other member.  I find myself fluctuating between mentor and group member and I haven't been completely comfortable with it.  Today I was told that the mentor role is critical for them and they don't want to lose it.  

Last year progress on completing writing products were slow for many group members. I felt like the accountability part of the group was not working.  Today however I was pleasantly surprised with the progress that people have been making (myself included).  It finally feels like it is coming together.                                                               

Audition Week

It is the first week of classes.  Today, as I was parking my car to go and teach my first class, I overheard two drama students discussing what they would wear to auditions that evening.  It was a cute conversation (each one telling the other how great they were in their respective clothes).  I then went and taught my class but the concept of auditioning stuck with me.

My university has had a substantial increase in enrollment in the past few years and one of the undergraduate programs in our department has more than tripled since I started five years ago.  In addition to our majors and minors we also have several large departments that require our courses of their majors.  We have both online and face-to-face sections of all our classes in this program. However I only teach one undergraduate class and it is an elective.

Each year the first week of classes (also known as the add/drop period) feels more and more like an audition.  For a number of reasons students usually register for more classes then they are going to take and then drop some during the first week.  They also "shop around" attending a class or getting information from their friends and then deciding what to add and what to drop.  Some of this happens before the class even meets.  For example, my course has a cap of 50 students.  I am over-enrolled by 4 making the final count before I taught the course today 54.  However the latest student to register was number 93.  By the end of the week it may be well into the hundreds.

Students take courses for a variety of reasons with the number one being to fulfill their requirements for their major and/or minor.  Scheduling is also very important.  A class needs to fit into their schedule.  Both of these make perfect sense to me but it saddens me that a third of my class today had no interest in the subject matter.  Instead it met the first two requirements.  The third requirement for many students is level of difficulty.  There is the perception that electives are supposed to be easy.  Mine is not.

I use the first week (I teach twice a week for an hour and fifteen minutes each) to make my expectations perfectly clear and to layout the amount and type of work they will be asked to do.  In most cases, students who have no interest in the subject and are expecting an easy class are going to end up failing.  That is not a good experience for any of us and I want them to drop.  I also want the students who are either interested and/or willing to give it effort an opportunity to either stay in the class or add the class.  And so the first two classes feel like an audition.  I try to highlight both the strengths and the challenges of the class sufficiently so both groups of students can make an informed decision.

By the end of the session today my stats were: 54 registered; 44 attended; 1 walked out; 3 asked about transferring to the online section.

This year we have more students then ever along with a severe budget cut.  There simply are fewer sections, fewer electives to choose from, and restrictions on some of the courses.  I fear many will not be able to drop the course.

On Doulas and Dissertations

Many before me have made the analogy between completing your dissertation and giving birth.  I think the analogy has a lot of merit but recently I've made the connection between being a doula and being a dissertation advisor.

• Supporting someone in labor, whether it be a with a baby or a dissertation, is grueling and rewarding work.
• Before true labor begins, neither the pregnant woman nor the doctoral candidate can really fathom what the process will be like.  As doula/advisor you try and describe it but you know that half your words are falling on deaf ears.
• During labor both the pregnant woman and the doctoral candidate want it to be over.  It is your job to hold their hand while helping them forward.
• Both declare they will never do this again.  The pregnant woman may swear off sex.  The doctoral candidate usually develops elaborate fantasies about the non-intellectual career (mine was living on a mountain top, stockpiling arms and teaching martial arts to the local children) they will start as soon as it is all over.  It is your job to take these declarations seriously and not laugh in their face.  
• There is much effort but the glory is not yours.  Luckily neither is the pain.

There are, of course, significant differences. The most important one is:

• The pregnant woman has the choice of using drugs or not.  As a doula it is your job to support a woman regardless of her choice.  As a doctoral advisor it is best to keep the student sober, at least until it is all over.

Graduation Daze

Today was graduation.  We have two on the same day: the university graduation in the morning and the departmental graduation in the afternoon.  I didn't make it to the morning one. I have not been a happy camper at work lately and just didn't have two graduations in me.

Instead I ran in the park (absolutely lovely) and then cleaned my house and set-up the spare bedroom (Pumpkin and BB are coming tonight).

Then I headed over to campus for the second graduation.  It is always heartwarming to see students graduate and hear their exuberant families in the stands.  However, two years ago we went from a school-wide graduation to each department hosting its own graduation.  This is supposed to make it more personal but I haven't found it to be true.  Instead it is a lot of extra work with fewer resources so the result feels rushed and formulaic to me.

Luckily the students seemed to enjoy it.

Afterwards we host a small reception in the gym and students bring their parents over to meet the faculty.  I'm not a sociable animal and don't shine at the meet and greet but I know it is an important part of the event.

This year one of my students had a traumatic experience and is not doing well.  I am worried about her and it was sad to see her affect so flat on graduation day.  She promised to visit me during the summer and I'm hoping she follows up on it.

Tonight I went to a party at another student's house.  Many of my students (both graduate and undergraduate) attended as did Pumpkin and BB.  I also got to spend a little time with the student's mother, sister and brother-in-law and it was much nicer to get to know them in a more informal setting. This student has been a research assistant for me for almost three years now. She is taking a year off before graduate school and wants to continue our work together in the meantime.

I will miss them all when they leave but I am realizing how they have formed a revolving community: as some make their way out, others are being welcomed in.

The Never-Ending Practicum

All semester I've been teaching a practicum with my favorite group of doctoral students.  It is my first time teaching this course and I've been pretty much winging it as I go.  In our department we have a core course in qualitative methods (which I teach) but it is an overview course and we don't have a lot of time to go deeply into any one topic.  Several of our students have done qualitative dissertations and many more indicate that they would like to do so.  Our university has several qualitative methods courses in different departments but very few cover analysis with any depth. My idea for the course was to use available qualitative datasets (one of mine and one of my colleague's) and focus exclusively on coding, analysis and writing.  Analysis and writing would be done collaboratively and the final product would be papers for submission.

It has been a fun course to teach, partly because it consists of my favorite students and one of my favorite colleagues, but also because I am a bit of a methods geek and absolutely love reading and talking and thinking about methods.  As part of the course we read an interesting book that provides narratives on both the process of conducting qualitative dissertations as well as the student-mentor relationship.  Many excellent discussions came from these readings and we explored far more than just how to analyze qualitative data.

Perhaps the most important learning outcome to have occurred was the realization that this work is intensive and takes a long time.  Several of the students are rethinking a qualitative dissertation and the others are adjusting their timeline so they can do their dissertations justice.  We have two really interesting papers in the works but are still pretty far from having final drafts.  Classes ended two weeks ago but we added a few extra sessions to try and catch up.  Today was the last of these unofficial sessions but we will continue to meet informally throughout the summer to draft the papers.

Working with engaged students is a blessing.  I hope I never take it for granted.

Sunday, Lovely Sunday

It was a beautiful day in SouthLite today.  Perhaps a little on the warm side (we hit 84 and tomorrow promises to be 87) but with plenty of sunshine.  The gym was closed because some people celebrate Easter.  Actually quite a lot of people in SouthLite celebrate Easter and they do it in church, which meant the park was empty.

b and I went for a run.  It was the maiden run for my Vibram five-fingers.

I've been using them in the gym for months now and love them.  I've actually acquired an additional two pair.  I walk around town in them quite frequently, including on campus.  I've even been known to teach in them but I have yet to run outside.  They were fabulous.  I don't think I'll ever run in sneakers again.

Later in the afternoon we went to the movies.

It was an entertaining film but it didn't blow me away.  At the end there was a rather stale message about mothers raising sons that I could have lived without but it was mostly enjoyable.

After the movie I sat outside in warm evening air and read a truly bad dissertation.  It is my second defense of the year and, while it is not as horrendous as the first, it is still pretty bad.  I don't understand how I can be correcting someone's grammar at this point in the game.  I'm was the outside member on both dissertations this year and am not sure exactly where the problem lies: with the student, the advisor, or some combination of the two.  I'm not looking forward to the actual defense.

Dinner was a bit experimental.  I made roasted potatoes in pesto and asparagus while b made pan-seared duck breast with mushrooms.

We've been wanting to try duck for a while now.  It was quite delicious but next time we'll try a recipe that leaves a crispy skin.  I also experimented with dessert: homemade cinnamon ice cream and a blackberry crisp.

RBOC: The Semester Is Over But I'm Still Working Edition

• I have had two (count 'em 2!) students come into my office to tell me they are pregnant this week.  It is interesting to be at an age where my child is out of the house and a new pregnancy is almost an impossibility and to be mentoring women who are just embarking on this journey.  One of them is graduating in early May and due at the end of May.  She has asked me to be her doula.  I was honored and, of course, said yes.  The other is a doctoral student halfway through our program.  It will be a challenge but she will manage just fine.
• I am on a search committee for two (count 'em 2!) Assistant Professor positions that is on a fast track because we are worried about a hiring freeze.  We have a plethora of outstanding candidates, have been working hard, and still have much work ahead of us.
• I am the doctoral coordinator and on the doctoral admissions team.  We have a healthy number of excellent applicants and much work ahead of us.
• Tonight I coordinated a faculty/student end-of-the-semester soiree at my favorite watering hole.  It went quite well.
• Grades are all in except for one wayward student.  I took a student on as an independent study to help her out and she has yet to turn in her final paper.  
• I have two other independent study students that I already had to give incompletes, which means they will extend into my spring semester.
• We officially launched one of my new projects last night with 4 interviews completed.  I am very excited.  I have a great team of students and high hopes for this project.
• Did I mention that b and I are moving?  Yes, with all the house problems that occurred a few weeks ago, I pushed forward on a listing that seemed perfect for us.  Consequently we will be moving at the end of the month.  We are currently purging and packing.  Pictures of the new digs will follow shortly. 

RBOC: End of the Semester is Here Edition

• I taught my last two classes today.  All I've been doing for the last two weeks is listening to presentations but it is still nice to know that I don't have to be in a classroom again for over a month.
• One of my undergrads gave me a hug today after she handed in her final exam.  They've been a great group and I'm going to miss them. 
• I do have grading to do but I assign my heaviest stuff mid-semester so it really won't be that bad.
• I thought life would get easier now that coursework has slowed down but, alas, that is not the case.  I'm on a search committee for 3 open positions and there are a lot of applicants (and most of them are really good).
• We have also moved our deadline for doctoral applications up to December 1st.  I am happy to say that this has resulted in a much larger number of viable candidates.  However I think it also means we have to pick quick and woo the good ones into the program.  My work is cut out for me. 
• I have also taken on another doula client.  I know I swore to take some time off but this young mother-to-be (and grandmom-to-be) are right up my alley.  I met with them the other day and was smitten.
• Did I mention that I have two new research projects starting up next semester?  I'm training one student research team tomorrow afternoon and the other doesn't even have a team yet (although I did manage to submit the IRB application today).
• The spring semester is going to be messy.  I give you all permission to call hooey when I'm complaining in a few months.  It is all my own fault. 
• Now that Thanksgiving is over, b is allowed to play Christmas music.  He has already starting shopping (I haven't even come up with a list yet) and we'll be doing some decorating this weekend.
• My last doula client is going to be in a local production of A Christmas Carol (our favorite) and has given us free tickets.  We are very excited.
• There's something going around the blogosphere called #Reverb10.  At least three bloggers I follow are playing along.  Sounds like fun but I really can't commit to daily blogging right now. 
• The first prompt was to pick one word that captured 2010 for you and one that captures your hope for 2011.  I hate these types of prompts.  I'm not a one word kind of person.  I rarely have favorites.  I need at least a list of 15 for just about any question.
• Today's prompt was what keeps you from writing.  Honestly, nothing keeps me from writing. I love to write.  Nonwriting work sometimes keeps me from writing but much of it is stuff that will eventually fuel writing.  
• Reading and writing, in some form or another, is what I do on a daily basis.  This is why, no matter how much office politics, service assignments or even students can annoy me, I never want to be doing anything other than what I do.

Things That Are Bringing Me Joy

• Seeing the light at the end-of-the-semester tunnel shine bigger and brighter each day.
• Being able to write...really write...my own writing.  Because of the aforementioned light, I was able to send two revised manuscripts off to my co-authors in the past week.  On top of the pure productivity aspect, I really really like the "stories" these two manuscripts are now telling.
• Planning two new research projects for the spring.  The possibilities always seem endless in the planning stage.
• Having a student in my doctoral class say she was sorry there was only one class left after today...and really mean it.
• Having students in my undergraduate service learning class cry during their presentation because of the bonds they forged with the participants in their community agencies.  Now normally I don't like to see my students cry but this was an exception.  One of them said they received more than they gave.  Their community agency mentors were there and it was evident the feelings were quite mutual.  Almost brought tears to my eyes.
• Getting a call from Angel because he is excited about a paper he is writing (two days ahead of time) for a class and wanted to describe it to me.
• Knowing that Angel, Pumpkin and BB, will all be here for Thanksgiving and that they can all stay for more than 24 hours this year.
• Anticipating a visit from my sister!  One, where I will finally meet my future brother-in-law IRL.

Safe Spaces

Today in my undergraduate class I planned to cover three separate activities.  The first was group work on their projects.  The second was a discussion of an article that I handed out.  The third was discussion of the readings I had previously assigned and which they had all written about in their journals.  The topic of the class was focused on issues of teen sexuality, pregnancy, and parenting.

The readings for this class are some of my favorite for the entire course.  Students usually love these readings and this group was no exception, so I was looking forward to a lively and engaged discussion. But at the last minute I had come across this article and thought it would be fun to lead into the readings discussion by getting their reactions to the article.  Needless to say, we never made it to the assigned readings.

This group has been "with me" all semester.  They are engaged with and turned-on to the class content.  Recently I have been noticing a deeper level of analysis in their journal writings and they are quick to point out connections to previous readings and topics.  For undergraduate students in my university, this is a rare event.

Today's discussion, which was supposed to last about 15 minutes, took 45 and we only ended because we ran out of time.  There was a lot of personal sharing but they managed to stay on track with analyzing the topic as a social issue.  There is a fine line with students, I believe, between encouraging discussion/writing/analysis through personal experience and story-telling, over-exposure and shock value.  Today felt like we walked the line but ended up on the analytic side.

My field is very applied and practical.  Most students coming into it are not used to analyzing social problems.  They are more inclined to judge them and the first time we touched on adolescent sexuality this semester that is a lot of what I heard.  It was very gratifying to hear them relate their personal experiences in a new context that has been informed by their reading, our previous discussions, and their experiences doing community service (this is a service-learning course).

In one of the assigned readings, the author (a nurse and a poet) discussed the general lack of knowledge she finds women have about their bodies and their sexuality.  She argues that this comes from a breakdown in communication: between mothers and daughters specifically but among women generally.  Her claim is we no longer learn from the women around us but instead learn from the internet or not at all.  This resonated with a lot of the students and part of our discussion today focused on the ways in which we do or do not talk about sex within families.

As more and more students revealed personal aspects of their lives, there was a feeling of delightful surprise, freedom and safety in the room.  To some extent, we created what the author had said was lacking.  On my way home I thought about what it takes to create that safe space, and to some extent, I believe you need to depart from what is normally taught as appropriate academics.

Earlier in the day one of the students from this class came to visit me during my office hours.  She is struggling this semester, both academically and personally, and said she needed to talk with someone about these struggles.  Now this student is actually doing fine in my class, so there was actually little reason for her to come and talk to me.  However, she said the openness with which we discuss topics in the class led her to think I was the right person for the job.  She has approached other professors and been left unsatisfied.  As we talked, I realized she really wasn't looking for advice (although I gave her some anyway) so much as to be heard.

I'm not really sure what point I'm trying to make with this post except to say that today, by not being very professorial, I think I was a good professor.

RBOC: The End Is In Sight? Edition

• My To Do Lists are so out of control I've now started an entirely separate list called To Review.
• I have what feels like an impossible amount of items to review, edit, and/or grade within the next three weeks.  This is particularly bad since no matter how many years I've been doing this, it still always takes me longer to review/edit/grade something than I think it will. 
• This weekend I had to take a little time off for BB&B.  Pumpkin came up last night and stayed over for the event.  There was also some necessary house-cleaning that had to happen.  And of course there was the event itself.
• The weather was beautiful so we had it outside.  Six of our ten members were there along with plenty of wine. 
• My oven is busted so I could not bake anything but one member brought Chocolate-Chip Pumpkin Muffins. I also cheated and bought a few things from a local bakery.  I must admit I indulged a little more than my new healthy lifestyle allows.
• Amongst all this plenty, we had a lively discussion about cannibalism.  We also talked a little history, spirit, romance, and motherhood.  All can be found in our book choice.
• For the first time we ended without a definite date or book for our next meeting.  I think everyone is feeling the pressure and we will likely not meet again until the semester is done.
• Although it is still over 6 weeks away, I'm just beginning to believe that this semester may actually end one day.
• The grant I've been working on for over a year finally got out the door and was received at NIH.  Perhaps having that off my shoulders has changed my perspective a bit. 
• In other news, I received a small internal grant that will help me start a research agenda around my doula work with teen moms.
• A doctoral student and I are also close to sending our first manuscript out on a small project I started two years ago with a group of highly invested and interested students.  It has actually grown into a decent size study with some interesting findings. 

On Being A Committee Member

I am on way too many committees this year.  While my service committee membership has increased substantially with the award of tenure, that's not what's dragging me down. Unfortunately the real problem is all my own doing: doctoral and masters' thesis committees.

At the beginning of the year I thought I was on 10.  This seemed like a lot to me and when I mentioned the number I was met with looks of shocked disbelief, pity, and humor by my colleagues.  Turns out I'm really on 12: I miscounted by one and then discovered one I had forgotten.  The one I forgot is for a student in another department.  I agreed to be on the committee my first year at SouthLite.  The student was ready for the proposal defense and was in a bind.  She had to scramble to reconfigure a committee due to a number of situations outside of her control.

She defended and barely passed.  Her topic is interesting but her proposal had several gaps. I gave feedback on revisions and then never heard from her again.  I honestly thought she had dropped from the program.  Fast forward 4 years to this past weekend when I received an email while I was on vacation requesting availability for the final defense in 2 1/2 weeks.  I've yet to see a finished product but have been promised it 2 weeks-to-the-day before the defense.

Two weeks is, in my opinion, a bare minimum for sending around a proposal or finished dissertation, especially one I haven't looked at in 4 years. Today I got a request from another student for a proposal defense date two weeks from today.  Again I have not seen a draft and it looks like the earliest I could expect one would be the end of business tomorrow.  I find this unacceptable.  I think I would have allowed it previously but in the next two weeks I need to: route my grant, review a manuscript, review two sets of internal grants, and participate in a doctoral defense in addition to my normal teaching and administrative duties.  My days are so chock full of meetings I literally have no time to review anything in between them.

Of the 12 committees that I am on, I am the outsider member for 7.  This, I now realize, is insanity.  I mistakenly thought the outside member would have less work, or at least no more work, than any other member, excepting the chair.  In most cases this has not been the case. Worse yet, for the committees within my department, I am chair on 4 out of the 5.

I find being the outside member particularly difficult.  It takes me several hours to really review a proposal or finished product and give good feedback.  Often I end up questioning the methodology, not because it is outside of my field but because it is incorrect.  I am never too sure if the advisor/chair left the student to his/her own devices without proper guidance or if the advisor/chair thinks the methodology is appropriate.  My university is one that is "growing its research abilities and infrastructure" and, to be blunt, some of the departments are weaker than others.  In my own department I (a) am more confident of our methodological abilities and (b) know what to expect from my colleagues in terms of how they do or don't mentor their students.  As the outside committee member I am uncomfortable being the person that needs to hold the student to a higher standard of rigor, but have ended up there several times already.

I know one of the reasons I am asked to be on committees is because I take the job seriously. Students know if they give me something to read I will give them thoughtful and detailed written feedback.  I'm not saying my colleagues don't take their roles seriously.  I think it is more likely they aren't very good at giving feedback and/or when pressed for time they read drafts quickly. I've been singularly unimpressed with some of the questions that are asked during comprehensive exams and defenses.  I am not mean and I don't ask trick questions but I am thorough and I press students to think through issues.  Most of the time it is appreciated and I enjoy doing it but it takes a lot of time to prepare for an oral examination or a defense.  I don't think students have a clue just how much time and effort it takes and if I had only one student a semester I wouldn't think about it either.

I Really Really Really Wanted to Blog This Week But....

...Monday I went to visit with Angel.  It took 3 hours to drive back and forth and I spent 3 hours with him, so there went my day.  I took him and his roommate out to lunch and then we all went food shopping.  I am trying to show Angel how to shop and cook economically and easily.  Tonight b cooked chicken stew and videotaped himself because that's the next dish Angel wants to try.

...Tuesday was lost to teaching and everything I didn't do Sunday (because of the birth) and Monday.

...Wednesday was lost to meetings: two doctoral student meetings, a search committee meeting, and a meeting for the administrative committee that I chair.  Wednesday night I made it to yoga.  After all that healthy goodness I met b for a beer and a light dinner.

...Thursday was lost to teaching and, at long last, the tenure and promotion reception.  b got off work early since they allowed guests.  There was wine and cheese and hummus and fruit.  There was a copy of all the books chosen by the tenure and/or promotion recipients this year.  There was a woman walking around interviewing us for a library podcast on the event (you can imagine how many people listen to that each year).  There were "words" spoken by the Provost and the Chancellor.  There were even parting gifts--a poster of yourself with your book.  I was pleasantly surprised by the number of books on feminism and/or motherhood.  I was not surprised by the poor quality wine.  Earlier in the day b found out he got a new job.  It is sort of an add-on to his current job but it allows him to merge some of his different interests and sets him up for his dream job.  To celebrate we went out to one of our favorite swanky restaurants and had good wine (and food).

...Friday was lost to:  feeling sick from Thursday's festivities; more meetings; actual writing; and my monthly outing with the doctoral students (we've dubbed it our "monthlies").  A large number of students couldn't make it this time--due to real or imagined responsibilities--and for once I didn't want a Guinness but I womanned up and stuck it out for the five students (and one mom!?) that attended.

...Saturday was lost to tai chi and grocery shopping and class prep and cooking a quick dinner of salmon, shrimp, asparagus and pasta with a improvised mustard, lemon, white wine and caper sauce.  Saturday night I might have actually watched a show with my sweetie.

...Today was lost to my monthly chi gung class [for which I travel 45 minutes each way to a neighboring city and take the class in the finished basement of people I've never met before in my life from an 81 year old man who barely speaks English while his daughter translates] and then a plethora of work that took well into the evening but barely put a dent in my To Do list.

Maybe tomorrow?

Thoughts At The End Of Week One

The first week of classes is officially over.  As first weeks go, it was pretty sweet.  The biggest downside is that, what with our new workout schedule, I have been completely exhausted by the end of each day.  The weather has finally turned nice here in SouthLite and I really really wanted to take a bike ride last night.  However it was all I could do to find myself something to eat and crawl into bed with my latest passion (soon to be a blog post on its own).

The other issue with this semester is that it is going to be crazy busy for me and a lot of that is going to be service (not my favorite).  As I may have mentioned, I am the new Doctoral Program Coordinator in my department (yay tenure).  Of all our programs, I am most committed to the doctoral program and its students so I feel this is really worthwhile service.  I think I have already made a difference in the lives of several students and I'm hoping to have a larger impact on the program.  It is a very new, fledgling program, and needs some TLC.

Morale was fairly low among the doctoral students last year, so I suggested a once a month shindig at one of my favorite local watering holes.  The students were interested (b thinks it is somehow wrong that I'm drinking with students, but they are all well over 21) and we had our first meeting tonight.  The weather (we sat outdoors) and venue were perfect and everyone had a great time. Of course this isn't the most significant change I need to make, but sometimes the little things can go a long way.

I'm teaching two courses this semester.  This is the third time I'm teaching both of them so the preps aren't too difficult.  One is an undergraduate course in Women's Health.  I enjoy teaching this class, as it is crosslisted with the Women & Gender Studies Program and has a strong feminist bent. I usually have the joy of seeing students get the "aha" moment about women's roles and feminism in this country. This semester I have changed things up a little bit and added a service learning component. I LOVE service learning.  I really like to get students out into the real world and see what it is all about.  I've done it before with small groups of students but never an entire class. Most of the students seem really psyched about it.  I have three community partners and they will all be coming in next week to describe their agencies.  The students will then pick first and second choices for the project they want to work on.  Each agency serves either women or girls in the community and the students will get a chance to directly apply what they are learning in class.

My other course is a doctoral class in qualitative methods.  I am one of those nerds that really enjoys teaching methods.  I read about methods and think about methods quite a bit, so I enjoy the opportunity to talk about it and get really deep into it with my students.  Doctoral classes are great because they are generally small and three hours long.  We can really take our time and get into some meaty stuff.  I also like teaching methods because, in between the heady philosophy stuff, I can make it very interactive and hands on.  This year I know everyone in the course very well so it should be loads of fun.

There is a lot of political drama going on in my department and in the university this year.  I haven't been able to stay completely out of it (and it probably isn't wise to do so) but the location of my new office has afforded me some protection, for which I am really grateful.  My new office is absolutely fabulous.  It is comfortable and organized and big enough that I can have students around without feeling cramped.  Also, since it is on the other side of campus it forces me to walk a lot more during the day.

My office is also a great spot to write and I've gotten a lot of writing done this week.  This has felt wonderful because I went about two weeks without writing a word.  When I can't write on a regular basis I get kind of itchy.  It is a feeling that is hard to describe but I know it whenever it comes.  So this week has been all about scratching that itch.  I even managed to resubmit a paper today.

It was also Angel's first week of school.  Due to some financial glitches last semester he ended up waitlisted on three courses that he needed.  He only got into one of them and needed to find a back-up course.  He called to tell me he had decided on an Introduction to Feminism course.  And if that is not cool enough, he also needs to find a person he can talk to about feminism for the class. He has picked yours truly.  His first assignment is to ask me my definition of feminism and to get me to draw a picture of what a feminist looks like.  I believe he is also supposed to draw a picture and then we compare them.  How much fun is that?