RBOC: Marathon Work Weekend Edition

• It is 8:30pm on a Friday night and, after leaving my office at 5pm, I just finished 3 hours of work on an administrative task.  (I also finished 2 glasses of red wine--a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do).  I am about to embark on some editing of a paper I'm writing with students.
• There is a Grey's Anatomy and Homicide somewhere in my future this weekend.
• b is away on a kayak camping trip, leaving me and Pupzilla to fend for ourselves.
• The weather has changed and my wardrobe has not.  I MUST organize my clothes so I have something to wear.  I also need to do a good purge and was thinking this was the weekend for such a task.  I fear when the purge is done I will realize I still have nothing to wear.
• I have 7 draft proposals from my doctoral students to provide feedback on this weekend.
• I was hoping to actually write the revision of the paper that never ends this weekend.
• I have 3 yoga classes I'd like to take (1 on Sat and 2 on Sun).
• I have BIG changes planned for this little blog and was hoping to implement some of them this weekend.
• b took my camera with him and left me his point and shoot.  Since Pupzilla has made a remarkable recovery with her arthritis meds, I was hoping to take her and the camera for a walk.
• The house is a mess.  With the holidays coming (and we'll actually have company this Thanksgiving, yay!), I really should start cleaning it. 

Bag Lady

The amount of stuff I need to cart around these days is astonishing.  Some mornings I find myself hauling 3-4 bags out to the car.  I literally don't go anywhere without my Timbuktu.  It is loaded down with: an iPad, a moleskin, an iPhone, keys, wallet, pens, sunglasses, and reading glasses at a minimum.*  You will also usually find me hoisting a large backpack onto my back that carries my laptop, a power cord and an assortment of folders containing articles, student papers, and other "work."  Let's not forget the water bottle that needs to be with me at all times.  If the gym is in the plan (which it is most days) than there is a gym bag that contains a full change of clothes, shoes, toiletries and a brush.  If I'm going to the gym for yoga, I add another bag for my mat and strap.

Obviously none of this is necessary and yet it is.

I haven't carted this much stuff around since Angel was a baby/toddler.  Of course back then I didn't have a car and would need to strap my multiple bags onto his stroller and then take it up and down the subway steps.  The car is an improvement.

I remember a time, before Angel, when I rode my bike to work everyday with nothing but my keys, a few dollars in my pocket and my work apron.  I never thought I'd want those times back again but some days it seems the wiser lifestyle.  I was talking with colleagues today about the latest apps for doing literature searches.  Sorry, but I'm not interested in searching PubMed or Ebsco while waiting for a pedicure (like I have time for a pedicure).

Most of my "stuff" is work-related and I carry it with me both literally and figuratively.  There isn't a time when I can put my work down and not think about it.  My work is never left at the office and now, with the increases in technology, home is never really left at home either.  Like a turtle, my life is on my back.

*b can leave the house with all he needs stuffed into his pockets.  Men's pockets must be quite large because an iPhone doesn't fit in any of my jeans.

And The Countdown Begins

The countdown to the end of the semester has started.  I have several methods for counting down. My undergraduate class meets twice a week so sometimes I count how many of those class sessions I have left (6 classes plus the mid-term).  My doctoral class meets once a week, so sometimes I count the number of teaching weeks I have left (4 including this week).  Some classes I don't have to prep for (showing a movie or class presentations) so sometimes I count the number of total preps I have left (across both classes = 6).  And when I really need a boost I count the number of weeks until I don't have classes, grading or meetings (5!).

Angel has started counting down too.  He is having a tough semester.  I think it is his hardest one ever.   He is counting down by the number of assignments he has to turn in.  This week took care of several but there are still plenty to come.  He is anxious to see this semester end but the end of the semester also means his capstone research project is due.  The thought of finishing that is scaring him a little these days.

b is counting down the days until Thanksgiving (his second favorite holiday), Black Friday (the day he is allowed to start playing Christmas music), and Christmas (his favorite day of the year).

Goals and Dreams

I haven't contributed to a Scientiae Carnival for a while and when I saw this month's topic I thought I would have to pass on it again.  I thought I had nothing much to say these days in terms of my goals and my dreams for my science and my career.  But then I started to process this reluctance and realized it was not only quite worthy of a post but an important piece of processing to do.

When I first moved to SouthLite it was easy to list my goals.  In fact several people asked me to do so and I rattled them off.  In five years I wanted to: get tenure, get an R01, get a teaching award, write a book.  Five and half years later I've achieved two out of the three: tenure & teaching award.  I no longer want an R01 and I have several book ideas that I'd love to start writing.

But if you asked me now to rattle off a plan for the next five years I would be hard-pressed for an answer.  Yes I'd like to write a book (or several books) but what else?  Do I want to be a full professor?  I used to be sure but now not so much.  Do I want external (preferably NIH) funding? (Note: I've yet to secure external funding since moving to SouthLite.)  Not really.  I should clarify: while I would like it, I'm no longer sure the effort it takes to even submit a grant is worthwhile and having one seems more of a burden than a bonus for my colleagues.  At least that is how it appears at my institution and in this economic climate.

The bigger questions are: do I want to stay in academia? Do I want to stay in SouthLite? If I want both then charging ahead for full professor and securing external grants is the way to go.  If I want to stay in academia but move someplace else than external funding is probably a must and writing a book would be seen as a colossal waste of time and energy.

The second question is the much easier of the two to answer.  I don't want to stay in SouthLite.  At least I don't want to stay here for the rest of my working career.  I figure that could easily be another 25-30 years.  b and I definitely want to live elsewhere.  SouthLite is comfortable for now and we are happy here but we are not made for the South even at its' lightest.  We are both Northeasterners by birth and Pacific Northwesterners in our souls.  If a job was available in Portland or Seattle or Vancouver, I'd be on it in a hot second.

Sometimes we dream of an even more dramatic move.  Selling the little we have and living as exPats in a country high on the life satisfaction scale.  Lately, for b, that has been Iceland.  I love the idea of making a dramatic change without a definitive plan (i.e. a job waiting for me) but I know deep in my heart I have never been that kind of risk-taker.  I am a planner, a doer and, occasionally, a dreamer but I only take very calculated risks.

Combining the academic job of your dreams with the location of your dreams takes you straight to Fantasyland.  And so I think of leaving academia.  But what would I be?  It is not just for location that I have started questioning my fit in the hallowed halls of higher education.  With tenure and the economy, I have seen both a present and a future in higher education that turns my stomach.  The parts of the career that attracted me are being replaced by the parts I like the least.  I don't see that turning around anytime soon (if ever).

But to be fair my science has also changed considerably.  I was never a great fit for my field but my current interests are driving me in a very different direction.  I have only a tenacious hold on post-positivist empirical research and am being drawn further and further into what I see more as scholarship than science.  I am interested more in thinking and writing about theory than using or testing theory.  I want to capture, honor and promote marginalized voices.  I want to advocate for change rather than predict change.

I want to write.  I write on a daily basis and I want to collaborate with people who write on a daily basis (which is really hard to find in my neck of the academic woods).  I want to write for other scholars and for nonscholars.  I want to go beyond writing.  I want to incorporate visuals, such as documentaries and portraits, into my scholarship.  I want to create interactive virtual science/scholarship events that merge science and art.  I want to find new ways to give both individuals and populations a seat at the table; a say in how we construct what it is we think we know.

I find myself at a point where I have many dreams, a few fuzzy goals, but no plan.  It is an exciting place to be. 

RBOC: Can't Manage A Coherent Post Edition

• Day O"Advising is done and I couldn't be happier.  It went fine.  There were problems. Maybe they'll be fixed next time or maybe it can't be fixed.  I don't really care.  I'm just glad I don't have to advise anyone tomorrow.
• I seem to know a lot of people who are breaking up or have broken-up recently.  They are all women.  Most of them are doing/have done the breaking up.  In talking with them it brings back memories of leaving my ex.  The stories are all so similar.
• Angel is thinking about applying to this school. It looks very cool and very expensive. While the job placement rate is extremely high, it is not a degree-granting institution. That makes me nervous.
• Pumpkin is applying for a new job.  She has a job and feels guilty applying for another one.  The new job would be a better match for her interests but over the long run won't pay as well.  I think she is perfect for the new job but she just found out that a friend, who already has two graduate degrees and has worked for the organization previously, is also applying.  She is worried.  She sent her application in yesterday and today they scheduled an interview.  I am not so worried.
• The President visited SouthLite recently and worked out at my gym.  He was there early in the morning but b and I slept in that day.  Of course.
• Yesterday I finished grading all the papers in my possession.  Tomorrow I get a new set.
• The w and q on my keyboard have stopped working.  I will have to send my laptop away for 5 days to get it fixed. You don't realize how often you use the w until you can't do it any longer.  
• b wanted me to type "doubleu" and "cue" instead.  It would look something like this:  The doubleu and cue on my keyboard have stopped doubleuorking.  I doubluill have to send my laptop adoubleuay for 5 days to get it fixed.  You don't realize hodoubleu often you use the doubleu until you can't do it any longer.  I opted to attach an external keyboard instead.  You're welcome.

Fall Break Eve

Fall Break officially begins on Saturday, as we have Monday and Tuesday off.  However I have no classes and no meetings tomorrow, which makes tonight Fall Break Eve for me.  There are some beach plans in our future but there is also a whole lot of grading in mine.  I have 50 undergraduate papers, 50 undergraduate mid-term exams, 7 doctoral papers, and 1 dissertation paper to grade. Some of it will be done on the car ride to the beach.

In addition to grading, I have some paper writing and data analysis that absolutely has to get done next week.  There's also a conference at the end of the month where I am committed to giving two presentations and they aren't going to prepare themselves.  Hard to imagine there will be room for fun but I plan on quite a lot.  There will definitely be some photography, long walks on the beach, yoga in the hotel room, snuggles with b and Pupzilla, and the next book club book.

Twenty Things I Am Doing While Not Writing a Blog Post

1. Helping Angel with a semester-long research project
2. Lots of yoga
3. Making chocolate sauce and then dipping fruit in it
4. Revising a paper that I've rewritten twice already and just can't get right
5. Watching Dr. Drew on Celebrity Rehab
6. Rubbing Pupzilla's belly
7. Answering student emails in an attempt to clear up their confusion over the assignment
8. Reading other people's blog posts
9. Giving presentations
10. Snuggling b
11. Not cleaning my house
12. Reading dissertation proposals
13. Watching b's videos of his paddling trip
14. Worshipping The Brute
15. Not taking any pictures
16. Writing letters of recommendation
17. Hosting book clubs where no one read the book
18. Going to the theatre
19. Trail running
20. Wishing I was writing a blog post

We're Back!

Actually we've been back for a few days.  Towards the end of the trip we were in a hurry to get out of some of the excruciatingly hot states and back home to our moderately hot one. We arrived home Wednesday evening and have ended our vacation with a little staycation.  We told very few people we were home and spent the days snuggling our pets and working out at the gym.  Three weeks in a car has done its damage and I'll be spending most of this week there as well.

Tomorrow is b's first day back at work.  He's been out for 7 weeks.  We have spent every minute of the last 3 1/2 weeks together and it has been amazingly wonderful.  He is my perfect companion and I can't imagine ever not wanting to spend all my time with him.  I'm not quite sure what I'll do without him during the days.  Actually I know exactly what I'll do.  In addition to working out, I have to finish prepping classes, get some administrative work done, write a chapter and send out an article.  Luckily that can all be done from home.  Unfortunately the following week is "welcome back meetings from hell" week.

My entire life I've always enjoyed vacations but have been ready to get back to work once they are over.  This year feels very different.  There are a number of reasons but the gloom and doom emails I've been receiving on the state of our budget and the amount of work we are expected to do this year is certainly not helping.

On a brighter note, I'll leave you with a brief video I put together of our road trip.


Road Trip from Brigindo on Vimeo.

While b's Away

I am busy trying to get a ton of work done before I leave to meet him.  I spend most of my time sitting at my desk, my kitchen table, my couch, and in my bed, surrounded by papers and my laptop.  The Brute finds any surface that has my papers on them; passes out; and knocks everything to the floor.

If I am on the couch, Pupzilla sleeps next to me.  Sometimes her head is in my lap.

Smudge mostly stays on the kitchen table sleeping. Sometimes she is stalking the birds that tease her from the bushes. Sometimes she comes to visit me on the couch.  But The Brute doesn't like that and chases her off. (He's not called The Brute for nothing)

I bought myself roses to keep me happy.  I like them on my nightstand.

A Month of "Me Time"

A fair amount of my research involves talking to women who are actively mothering their children.  Regardless of their personal situation, they all desire more time to themselves.  They want "me time."  I remember this feeling very well.  It lasted the entire time Angel lived with me.  Granted I had a lot more "me time" once he reached his teens, but there was always an underlying sense that my time was not truly my own.

There were several years where I traveled a lot for my job.  While I missed Angel (and later b) when I was traveling, it was also a relief to have a hotel room all to myself for a few days.  Most of those days I was working and not actually in my hotel room, but knowing it was there waiting for me was a blessing.

Things are different now.  I have a lot of time to call my own.  At the beginning and endings of the semesters the various demands upon me can almost feel like those mothering years but not quite as relentless.

b left for his Alaska Adventure today.  He has 5 days of driving; a day and a half on a ferry; a day to wait for his friend, and then three weeks of paddling before I meet up with him.  This translates into four weeks of me at home alone.

I've never lived alone.  b has done these adventures before but this is the first one since Angel went off to college.  Me time is a lot less precious when you have it in abundance.

I have a lot of work to do in the next four weeks.  My goal is to be caught up and ready for the semester to begin before I leave for vacation.  When I get back I will only have two weeks before classes start and those weeks are notoriously busy with meetings.

So my "Month of Me Time" will consist of writing a grant and getting a backlog of papers out, running two ongoing projects, prepping my fall courses and getting ready for the new cohort of doctoral students.  In between I'll be attending a lot of yoga classes and taking an e-course or two.  Hopefully I'll be posting throughout it all. 

Life Lists

I've been thinking about life lists (or the more depressing version - bucket lists) lately.  I've never had an official one but I've always had things that I knew I would eventually experience or accomplish.  I've been thinking about what is left on that list lately.  I think a combination of (a) acquiring tenure, (b) being an empty-nester, and (c) passing that dividing line between early forties and late forties, has initiated a mini-mid-life crisis.

Also the opportunity has arisen for me to join b on his epic adventure this summer.  If you recall, b will be driving clear across country to The Last Frontier.  There he will meet up with a good friend (he's gone from 9 interested companions to one friend who was never part of the original group) and paddle the Inside Passage.  Because of the change in group membership, he will be able to leave earlier and paddle faster.  This means he will be off the water in enough time for me to meet him there and drive back home across the country together before my semester starts.

Yesterday I developed an itinerary for the homeward drive that has us going through parts of Canada I've always wanted to visit and seeing some of the major national parks.  This is a trip I've always wanted to do but never knew when or how it would happen.

I am very excited.

But it has also gotten me thinking about life lists.  This will be one I can cross off of my non-existent list.  Below are some of the other items I could cross off right now (in chronological order):

• Getting my black belt
• Becoming a mother
• Getting published
• Getting a grant
• Finding my life partner
• Getting my doctorate
• Becoming a professor
• Traveling abroad
• Buying a house
• Getting tenure
• Watching a birth

There are a few things that are still on the list but the possibility of them occurring is out of my hands:

• Dancing at Angel's wedding
• Becoming a grandmother
• Helping Pumpkin give birth

There are one or two things that are in my control that are definitely on the list:

• Writing a book
• Hooding my doctoral students

Other than these things, I have no clue what should be on the list.  Sure there are things I've thought of doing or places I would like to go, but none of them really seem important enough to make a life list.  Is this a good thing?  It is great to have accomplished/experienced so many things that are important to me but the thought of living without significant possibilities or goals ahead of me is a little depressing. I feel like I'm in a similar spot with Angel right now--we're both trying to figure out what we want to do with the rest of our lives. 

RBOC: In Which I Post Simply Because It Has Been Too Long Between Posts

• Do I even need to say the semester has been crazy?
• Classes are going well.
• My grant did not get funded.  It didn't even get discussed.  However my institution may be paying me to rewrite it over the summer.  
• It is possible I will make more money in the writing of this grant than if I were to actually get it.
• Service is driving me crazy.  Really somedays I have to wonder if tenure is really worth all this aggravation.
• Last weekend I visited Pumpkin.  BB has left for a 5-week trip to Antarctica.
• Pumpkin directed the Vagina Monologues at her school.  I watched 2 of the 3 performances and was most impressed.
• Angel is having a wisdom tooth issue.  I did a stint of bad mothering trying to convince him it was nothing only to find out he has a major infection.  
• b and I are not big fans of Valentine's Day but we did a little celebrating.

We had pizza.

Had some wine.

And I made cookies.
Other than that I am counting the days until Spring Break.

RBOC: Update Edition

• We are two weeks into the semester and my To Do list doesn't fit on one page.
• I have many social engagements lined up for the next few weeks which really won't help my To Do list problem.
• I'm on a search committee for two positions and the first two candidates are coming in the next two weeks.
• I have found the first negative of our new house and it has 6 legs, antennas and reminds me of some bad times in my childhood.  b and I are going to the store tomorrow to find ways of destroying said creatures.  Two have been spotted and killed so far.  Both were killed by humans and not felines (just sayin').
• The birth has finally happened.  It was my longest one so far.  I spent 27 hours in a hospital and got about 4 hours of sleep in a 48 hour period.  However everyone is doing well and I am very happy to NOT have to fall asleep with my phone beside my bed for a while.
• I went to a self-defense workshop taught by my tai chi sifu today.  He teaches about one workshop a month.  Sometimes it is push hands, sometimes it is tai chi sword, and sometimes it is chi gung.  This time it was self-defense, which mostly consisted of learning how to fall.  It is important stuff but I can't say I liked it.
• b and I are in a bit of a martial arts quandary.  I think want we want really doesn't exist anymore.  Certainly doesn't seem to exist in SouthLite. 
• b and I went to see The Social Network tonight.  We enjoyed it.  Afterwards I was craving cupcakes but b had the brilliant idea of going out for cocktails and chocolate mousse.  Yes my friends, this is why I married him.
• On tomorrow's agenda is : gym, food shopping, sitting in front of a fire and getting some work done, eating ribs cooked by my sweetie.  Life is good.

RBOC: The Semester Is Over But I'm Still Working Edition

• I have had two (count 'em 2!) students come into my office to tell me they are pregnant this week.  It is interesting to be at an age where my child is out of the house and a new pregnancy is almost an impossibility and to be mentoring women who are just embarking on this journey.  One of them is graduating in early May and due at the end of May.  She has asked me to be her doula.  I was honored and, of course, said yes.  The other is a doctoral student halfway through our program.  It will be a challenge but she will manage just fine.
• I am on a search committee for two (count 'em 2!) Assistant Professor positions that is on a fast track because we are worried about a hiring freeze.  We have a plethora of outstanding candidates, have been working hard, and still have much work ahead of us.
• I am the doctoral coordinator and on the doctoral admissions team.  We have a healthy number of excellent applicants and much work ahead of us.
• Tonight I coordinated a faculty/student end-of-the-semester soiree at my favorite watering hole.  It went quite well.
• Grades are all in except for one wayward student.  I took a student on as an independent study to help her out and she has yet to turn in her final paper.  
• I have two other independent study students that I already had to give incompletes, which means they will extend into my spring semester.
• We officially launched one of my new projects last night with 4 interviews completed.  I am very excited.  I have a great team of students and high hopes for this project.
• Did I mention that b and I are moving?  Yes, with all the house problems that occurred a few weeks ago, I pushed forward on a listing that seemed perfect for us.  Consequently we will be moving at the end of the month.  We are currently purging and packing.  Pictures of the new digs will follow shortly. 

RBOC: The End Is In Sight? Edition

• My To Do Lists are so out of control I've now started an entirely separate list called To Review.
• I have what feels like an impossible amount of items to review, edit, and/or grade within the next three weeks.  This is particularly bad since no matter how many years I've been doing this, it still always takes me longer to review/edit/grade something than I think it will. 
• This weekend I had to take a little time off for BB&B.  Pumpkin came up last night and stayed over for the event.  There was also some necessary house-cleaning that had to happen.  And of course there was the event itself.
• The weather was beautiful so we had it outside.  Six of our ten members were there along with plenty of wine. 
• My oven is busted so I could not bake anything but one member brought Chocolate-Chip Pumpkin Muffins. I also cheated and bought a few things from a local bakery.  I must admit I indulged a little more than my new healthy lifestyle allows.
• Amongst all this plenty, we had a lively discussion about cannibalism.  We also talked a little history, spirit, romance, and motherhood.  All can be found in our book choice.
• For the first time we ended without a definite date or book for our next meeting.  I think everyone is feeling the pressure and we will likely not meet again until the semester is done.
• Although it is still over 6 weeks away, I'm just beginning to believe that this semester may actually end one day.
• The grant I've been working on for over a year finally got out the door and was received at NIH.  Perhaps having that off my shoulders has changed my perspective a bit. 
• In other news, I received a small internal grant that will help me start a research agenda around my doula work with teen moms.
• A doctoral student and I are also close to sending our first manuscript out on a small project I started two years ago with a group of highly invested and interested students.  It has actually grown into a decent size study with some interesting findings. 

I Really Really Really Wanted to Blog This Week But....

...Monday I went to visit with Angel.  It took 3 hours to drive back and forth and I spent 3 hours with him, so there went my day.  I took him and his roommate out to lunch and then we all went food shopping.  I am trying to show Angel how to shop and cook economically and easily.  Tonight b cooked chicken stew and videotaped himself because that's the next dish Angel wants to try.

...Tuesday was lost to teaching and everything I didn't do Sunday (because of the birth) and Monday.

...Wednesday was lost to meetings: two doctoral student meetings, a search committee meeting, and a meeting for the administrative committee that I chair.  Wednesday night I made it to yoga.  After all that healthy goodness I met b for a beer and a light dinner.

...Thursday was lost to teaching and, at long last, the tenure and promotion reception.  b got off work early since they allowed guests.  There was wine and cheese and hummus and fruit.  There was a copy of all the books chosen by the tenure and/or promotion recipients this year.  There was a woman walking around interviewing us for a library podcast on the event (you can imagine how many people listen to that each year).  There were "words" spoken by the Provost and the Chancellor.  There were even parting gifts--a poster of yourself with your book.  I was pleasantly surprised by the number of books on feminism and/or motherhood.  I was not surprised by the poor quality wine.  Earlier in the day b found out he got a new job.  It is sort of an add-on to his current job but it allows him to merge some of his different interests and sets him up for his dream job.  To celebrate we went out to one of our favorite swanky restaurants and had good wine (and food).

...Friday was lost to:  feeling sick from Thursday's festivities; more meetings; actual writing; and my monthly outing with the doctoral students (we've dubbed it our "monthlies").  A large number of students couldn't make it this time--due to real or imagined responsibilities--and for once I didn't want a Guinness but I womanned up and stuck it out for the five students (and one mom!?) that attended.

...Saturday was lost to tai chi and grocery shopping and class prep and cooking a quick dinner of salmon, shrimp, asparagus and pasta with a improvised mustard, lemon, white wine and caper sauce.  Saturday night I might have actually watched a show with my sweetie.

...Today was lost to my monthly chi gung class [for which I travel 45 minutes each way to a neighboring city and take the class in the finished basement of people I've never met before in my life from an 81 year old man who barely speaks English while his daughter translates] and then a plethora of work that took well into the evening but barely put a dent in my To Do list.

Maybe tomorrow?

RBOC: I Can't Believe It's Been 10 Days Since My Last Post And All I've Got Is Another RBOC Post Edition

• Non-stop meetings have continued.  I no longer have time between meetings to prepare for meetings and I certainly don't have time to do any real work.
• I'm instituting new policies: (1) I won't schedule a meeting that is less than 2 weeks away; (2) no more than 6 meetings a week that are not directly related to my research agenda; and (3) at least half an hour between the latest possible end time of one meeting and the beginning of the next meeting.
• I did manage to do one social activity this past weekend: BB&B.  This month we read Guyland by Michael Kimmel.  Attendance was light (I'm not the only one having a hellish semester) and none of us liked the book.  However it was very interesting unpacking exactly why we didn't like about it.
• There was also a lot of pet talk.  I seemed to have assembled a group of pet-fanatic feminists.
• Next month we're discussing our first novel.
• I sometimes think my son is the most earnest young man in the world.
• I miss him.
• My classes continue to go well.  I am particularly enamoured of my undergraduate class.  This past week we discussed women's sexuality and I somehow took the conversation down the pornography road.  They were happy to go with me and suggested a field trip to Chippendales.
• Does Chippendales even exist anymore?
• The healthy lifestyle experiment has continued in full force.  While it is not about the weight, that doesn't stop us from weighing ourselves.  b has lost a gagillion pounds (by my estimates) and I have lost 3 (on a good day).  I find this most unfair.
• However the muscles are coming back and, when I'm not completely exhausted, I have a lot more energy.
• One of the reasons for the exhaustion is that our nights are filled with vomiting cats and a dog that needs to inspect all cat vomit.
• The Brute has developed a new habit of pooping in the kitchen sink.  We are not amused.
• So there you have it, after 10 days of silence you get pornography, poop and cat vomit.  

On Being Healthy

b and I have started a new healthy lifestyle approach.  In shorthand we refer to it as a diet but in all honesty it is really a lifestyle change as I don't see us "going off" of it.  b is hypertensive and has been having unwelcomed side effects (are any side effects really welcomed?) from his medications.  We are hoping this change will allow him to safely go off of his meds.  I have been slowly gaining weight--from being over 40 and working towards tenure.

Our new approach involves going to the gym together 6 mornings a week (for 1 hour) in addition to any other exercise we normally do (him: paddling, karate, biking to work; me: yoga, tai chi, walking to work).  We are also following the DASH diet.  We are primarily focusing on portion control and balancing our eating to be heavier on fruits and vegetables, reducing dairy and/or using low-fat dairy, and reducing protein sources.  For me a large part of the shift has also been learning how to eat throughout the day.  By nature I am not a "grazer" but the over-40 metabolism does not work well with long periods between large meals.  I have spent years teaching my body to be highly efficient with calories and, for once, efficiency is NOT a good thing.

When I tell people about our new lifestyle approach many comment on the importance of doing it together and the support that it offers.  This is definitely true.  In fact, I think it is incredibly difficult to make true changes unless your immediate family (those you share your household and life with) are on board and, preferably, actively engaged with you.   Actually this is a large part of my current research agenda.  The grant that I have been trying to write (for what seems like forever) is focused on making small healthy changes in diet and exercise within families and relationships. While I believe support is a large part of what can make this approach successful, I am also (maybe more?) interested in how changes in daily routines both affect and are affected by relationships. You see I believe that it is not only our strong relationship that makes this approach possible but that by doing this together we will make our relationship stronger.

In my research I am not focused on spousal or partner relationships but instead on mother-adolescent daughter relationships.  These relationships have a very different set of issues, many of which are emotionally-loaded.  This is not to say that spousal/partner relationships around food, exercise and body image are not emotionally loaded, but rather that they are expressed differently.  I have been fascinated by mother-daughter relationships and daily life for a many years and see this as one avenue for exploring that association.

I am also intrigued by windows of opportunity.  I see the mother-daughter relationship in adolescence as a window of opportunity for change.  It is often portrayed as negative but I think it can be (and often is) positive.  I am also realizing that the empty nest period is a window of opportunity for positive change.  I think it is easier for b and I to attempt this approach now than it ever was before.  Previously we have dieted together and it has been successful (in terms of temporary weight loss) but we have never tried anything as ambitious as this (we are also changing our sleep schedule and will soon be adding a meditation schedule to help reduce stress). I could see exploring issues of 'emptynestdom' in future studies.

My grant application also involves some cutting-edge technology and I am using my experience with b as an opportunity to try out some of this technology.  Now this does not take the place of trying it with my population, as I am not studying 45 year old academic professors and their spouses/partners, but it is still helpful to see some of the bugs now before I (hopefully) subject my participants to them.

RBOC: End of Summer Break Edition

• I've been trying to write a particular post for several days but it isn't coming out right.  Therefore I'm resorting to a RBOC post.
• I hate giving up on a writing idea.
• This is the last true week of summer break for me.  Next week is all meetings, including a full day retreat (who retreats at the beginning of an academic year????), and then classes start the following week. 
• It feels like summer break ended once I got back from my trip UpNorth.   I believe I've worked more this summer than any other since I came to SouthLite, including the summer I was actually paid to work. 
• In spite of all my work, my grant is still not done and no papers were submitted.  In fact I just received the third rejection in a row.  The first two rejects have been sitting untouched all summer.
• I am getting very tired of journals that hold your paper hostage for seven months and then reject it without a true review.
• With tenure comes responsibility.  I will now be coordinating our doctoral program.  I've spent the last two weeks getting my ducks in order before the new students arrive next week for orientation.
• My syllabi and assignments are done and my Blackboard sites are built.  All I need to do now is prep my first few classes.
• b and I have started a new healthy lifestyle regime.  It includes a structured schedule for going to sleep, getting up, and going to the gym.  We've been to the gym every day for the past week.  We also went to a nutritionist and have a new way of eating.  It hasn't been particularly hard and most of it is enjoyable. The trick for me is keeping it going once the semester truly starts.
• I'm moving my office.  For once this is completely my idea.  I love my new space and my new officemates.  My old officemates are not at all happy and have been giving me grief over the move all summer.  
• Sometimes academia feels a lot like junior high school.
• We had a painting party in my new office space yesterday afternoon.  I choose peach for my office.  It is very pretty but reminds a little bit of a gynecologist's office.  
• I've thrown out several file drawers worth of paper.  The waste amazes me and I think "I should buy and iPad so I don't have to print out so many articles."
• I also want to buy a mini-fridge for the new office to help with my new eating habits. It seems moving brings out the rampant consumer in me.

What I'm Doing When I'm Not Writing My Grant

• Reviewing other people's work
• Having lunch out with b
• Filling out my annual report (and realizing I did a lot more this year than I thought)
• Deflating my balance ball/office chair so we can return it to the store
• Going to the library for an early start on next year's syllabus
• Following interesting blog conversations on mothering, feminism and power. Check them out.