I don't care much for resolutions. One year I tried to do a theme but that didn't work out too well. Last year I wanted to do a word but what with spending New Years' Eve helping a woman give birth, I never got around to it (although being a doula was a big part of 2010 for me).
So I'm going to try and do a word for 2011. The word that came to me today is Space. I am incredibly happy in my new space and can't quite believe it took me 4 1/2 years to make it happen. My new space has a lot more space and there is plenty of space to put all of my stuff. With space I can be organized; with space I can breathe. I remember the last time I felt this strongly about having space was went I finally moved out of my home with my ex. The new house is also a lot more attractive than where we just left. Living in a house that you despise, even if the location is perfect, takes its toll. I want to take some time and enjoy this space and make it my own.
I also have really enjoyed my new office this past year. The new office also provided more than double the physical space of my old office, which increased both my organization and productivity immensely. Mentally it is also a respite. It's location, in a separate building from the rest of my department, provides space from a lot of office politics and academic drama. In this new space I feel like I can build new research with colleagues and nurture my students more effectively.
Last semester was the roughest one for me yet. By necessity I had to say "no" to any new request and (almost) any new opportunity. Even with a strict "no" policy, I felt I spent the majority of the semester working on other people's agendas. I need to continue fending off all requests and (most) opportunities and protect the space on my agenda. More importantly the space on my agenda needs to grow to include nonwork (and doula) related activities. I have really enjoyed exploring photography and hope to do more of that in 2011 but I'd also like to get back to creative writing. I need to create the mental space to do that.
Lastly I want to spend more time in outdoor spaces this year. b and I have done a wonderful job of making our gym a regular space but I feel like I spent most of the year indoors. b will be heading to Alaska this summer and I am not sure if I'll be able to meet him there as we originally planned. Instead of focusing on a big trip, I'd like to incorporate regular outdoor time for myself in the same way I've incorporated gym time.
Showing posts with label New Years. Show all posts
Showing posts with label New Years. Show all posts
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Themes
So New Year Themes have been going around—thanks to profgrrl-and I’m late to the party. I’ve been trying to figure out exactly what my theme is-means and getting stuck. I thought it would be “transitioning” because I’m being forced into a major role transition this year. This is the year Boy goes off to college and my daily mothering activities will cease. [Note: We actually thought he was going off last year but he chose to defer. His life at home post-high school has already decreased many of my daily mothering activities but it will still be a huge transition not to have him around.]
But the truth is my life has been about transition for the past two years, if not longer, having made the largest physical move in my life and the largest move in my career by coming to this town and this job. I wanted the theme to be transition because I wanted to acknowledge to myself that this mothering transition is a process and to give myself the space and time to make it as well as to be bitchy or pouty when need be.
But it feels too narrow to be a New Year’s Theme. Instead I’ve chosen “Claiming.” I remember visiting my mother some 9 years ago when I was about to make another huge transition (out of my 17 year old marriage) and she told me I needed to “claim my power” and that this was something most women struggle with and that she was struggling with at 60. I think I want to spend this year claiming the new roles I do have and the power I have to affect change for myself, my loved ones, my students, my department, my research, etc.
Since I’ve been here I’ve felt like the “newbie” in my department, in my dojo, in my city. For me, being a “newbie” means I don’t have the same rights to speak up, take charge, be heard, etc as people who have history in a place. I’ve always resented people joining my spaces with the “let me tell you what I know” attitude. I’ve been taught you need to empty your cup when you embark on a new endeavor so you can take in the knowledge that is presented to you. This works well for me…to a point. I think I’ve reached that point.
I’ve felt like a “newbie” in my research since getting my doctorate (almost 6 years ago now) even though I’ve been heavily engaged in research for 18 years. Part of my transition to this job was to allow me to transition to a new research agenda and to explore new methodologies. I have done that and now I think I need to work on claiming this new agenda and viewing it as an important contribution to the field. I suppose I need to claim my role as the mother of an independent Boy but that I’ll be struggling with for some time to come.
But the truth is my life has been about transition for the past two years, if not longer, having made the largest physical move in my life and the largest move in my career by coming to this town and this job. I wanted the theme to be transition because I wanted to acknowledge to myself that this mothering transition is a process and to give myself the space and time to make it as well as to be bitchy or pouty when need be.
But it feels too narrow to be a New Year’s Theme. Instead I’ve chosen “Claiming.” I remember visiting my mother some 9 years ago when I was about to make another huge transition (out of my 17 year old marriage) and she told me I needed to “claim my power” and that this was something most women struggle with and that she was struggling with at 60. I think I want to spend this year claiming the new roles I do have and the power I have to affect change for myself, my loved ones, my students, my department, my research, etc.
Since I’ve been here I’ve felt like the “newbie” in my department, in my dojo, in my city. For me, being a “newbie” means I don’t have the same rights to speak up, take charge, be heard, etc as people who have history in a place. I’ve always resented people joining my spaces with the “let me tell you what I know” attitude. I’ve been taught you need to empty your cup when you embark on a new endeavor so you can take in the knowledge that is presented to you. This works well for me…to a point. I think I’ve reached that point.
I’ve felt like a “newbie” in my research since getting my doctorate (almost 6 years ago now) even though I’ve been heavily engaged in research for 18 years. Part of my transition to this job was to allow me to transition to a new research agenda and to explore new methodologies. I have done that and now I think I need to work on claiming this new agenda and viewing it as an important contribution to the field. I suppose I need to claim my role as the mother of an independent Boy but that I’ll be struggling with for some time to come.
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