Fun With Students

Today the students in my doctoral class looked burned out.  Several were busy on their computers as I entered the class and no one was talking.  This is unusual for the group as they are a friendly and chatty bunch.  As more students arrived, each one brought in their own dour looks.  The day was rainy and chilly and that wasn't helping anyone's mood.

It was the second-to-last class of the semester; the class before Thanksgiving, and the last class where we had to discuss some serious reading.  I knew it was not going to go well.  Instead of starting off with questions on the reading, as was my original intention, I asked them all about their Thanksgiving plans.  I let them go on a while and then encouraged us to go wildly off-topic. Somehow we got onto run-ins with small critters.  One student told a hilarious family story about fat squirrels.  Some of us laughed ourselves to tears.  I let it go a little longer after that and then started the class half an hour late.

We ended up having a good discussion and a great class.

For my undergraduate class I had prepared an activity, a group discussion, and a lecture. Sometimes the group discussions bomb and sometimes they are helpful but rarely do they extend past 15-20 minutes.  We were still on the topic of childbirth and the discussion ended up taking the entire period.  It was the liveliest and most interactive discussion we've had to date and I let it go a little astray.  This became obvious when I realized we were talking about eating placentas and someone started googling how to cook them.  It was the first class where they didn't all get up to leave as soon as the period was over.  In fact several stayed after class to talk with me further.

Some days I really enjoy teaching.

Childbirth Education

We are discussing birth this week in my undergraduate class.  I show movies every once in a while to introduce a topic and today we watched The Business of Being Born.  I've shown this movie in several classes over the years, and although I can get bored with certain parts, watching the births never gets old.

My favorite part is listening to my class when the first birth occurs.  If you haven't seen the movie, it is a beautiful birth.  A woman is in a birthing pool in her living room.  Her midwife is by her side and her toddler is roaming around the room.  She is having an intense contraction but she is calm.  The room is quiet except for her slight moan and the voice of her son.  Then a baby appears.  It is so gentle and contrary to every image we have of birth that it takes you completely by surprise.

Every time I show this, the entire class let's out an "ohhh" of delight.

I have my students write down questions or topics they want to discuss from the movie for the next class.  As I was reviewing them this evening, I was struck by how many talked about the need for childbirth education. They wanted to know when and how women can learn about their options. The sad news is that most women learn childbirth when they are all ready well into their pregnancy and have already made some critical decisions (such as the doctor/midwife/practice).  I also feel, having sat through several childbirth classes for my doula training, that the options are not well presented in most cases.

While not everyone will give birth (or be with a partner giving birth) it still seems worthwhile to teach it to the masses. Why is it considered something you would only be interested in if you're pregnant? And who thinks pregnancy is the best time to learn about what your body can do?

Long Night, Sweet Reward

I left my house last night at approximately 11pm and headed towards the hospital.  I had received a call from my latest doula client.  This is the first time I've "douled" (can that be a verb?) for someone who delivered before their due date.  I hadn't been expecting it but when my cellphone rang at 9pm it crossed my mind that my plans (primarily for some reading and an early bedtime) might be changing.  And they did.

I made it back home at 3pm this afternoon.  Mom and baby are both doing well. There was stress and drama and the sweet sweet reward of seeing a baby come into the world and a new family form. I don't want to talk about the details of the birth (it would be inappropriate) but rather share some thoughts that occurred to me throughout the night and day.

This experience was different in many ways.  It was not through the community agency where I volunteer but instead was a very friendly acquaintance.  It was the first time I worked for a couple and neither one of them was a teenager or a young adult.  Working with a couple, and especially a couple that is close to my age, was interesting in ways I had never imagined.  I don't put myself in the place of my clients--childbirth seems long behind me--but this couple's relationship reminded me of mine and b's.  The dad is a very sweet and caring man and they appear to be completely compatible.  There was much joking going on in the early parts of the night and then again when pain had subsided.  There was a comfort and tenderness between the two that was beautiful to watch.  I couldn't help but wonder what it would have been like to have had a baby with b.

It also took me a little while to figure out how to best support a couple as opposed to a single mom.  In all of my previous births, although friends and family may have been present, my role as the primary support was clear.  Now I know this may not always be the case and in at least one experience the father showed up halfway through the process and ended up taking on the role, but the dynamic was very different last night.  At first I found it difficult to support without getting in the way.  Other times I felt I was late to support or provided inadequate support because I wasn't as in sync with the mother as I usually am.  Eventually I think we reached a groove that worked and, most importantly, the mother felt supported.  The father also felt supported and that role (of supporting the support person) was new to me.

It is also a little different being involved in such an intimate experience (which I consider an honor and a privilege) with someone that you know but not all that well. With my other experiences I didn't know the mother at all and knew I would not be seeing her again after my post-partum visit.  However I will continue to see at least the dad in this couple on occasion.  As I said, we are friendly acquaintances but not really friends.  However I have now experienced something with this couple that no one else (except the doctors and nurses) has experienced.  There is a raw level of intimacy that gets shoved back under the cover of politeness in the days following a birth.

The more births I am involved with, the more I see the culture of birthing has really changed.  What was before a very private event has become a lot more public.  In every birth I've attended there has been at least one friend or family member who "popped in" for a visit during labor.  Hospitals (at least the ones around here) now have a very open policy about visitors during labor.  When I gave birth only immediate family members were allowed and I only ever heard of the father being in the labor and delivery room with the mother.  Now, in addition to doulas, you may have grandmothers, grandfathers, sisters, brothers, and friends.  Some stay for the entire event and others drop in and out to say hi and visit as you would expect after the baby is born.

Some of my clients seem to really like this and others seem less comfortable with the drop-in. Personally I like the inclusion of additional support people (grandparents, siblings, doulas, etc.) but only if they are committed to staying throughout the birth.  I believe a laboring woman should have whoever she wants with her when she gives birth but I also know that who you think you want with you and who you really want with you may be two very different things.  More importantly, each birth develops its own rhythm.  There is a pace and an atmosphere that develops as the birth unfolds that is offset by a drop-in.  It often feels to me like a blast of cold air and I believe it can upset the process.  Of course it can also serve as a helpful distraction.  Ultimately I realize that it is not my call for any individual mother but it can also be hard to determine if the mother really wants this person or people to stay.  Women remain erringly polite, in my book, during birth.  They don't want to offend and I believe the drop-in phenomenon may make the birthing room a less emotionally safe and open place for a woman.