Development

With the semester winding down I can devote a little more time to yoga again. I've been attending classes regularly but I can't make all my favorite ones.  The classes are divided into levels, although most people at the gym seem to ignore this categorization.  I started at a Level 1-2 and was quite comfortable there for a while.  This summer I ventured into the Level 2 classes and really found my niche.  There I could get both a good workout and a lot of detailed instruction.  Some of my favorite teachers cover the Level 2 classes.  More recently I've started taking a Level 2-3 with my absolute favorite teacher.  It wipes me out every time but I love it.  This weekend I ventured into a couple of Level 3's and found, while difficult, they were not as hard as that one Level 2-3 class.  Suddenly the Level 1-2 classes aren't doing it for me anymore.

I love skill development. It is a wonderful thing to know that with time, patience and some concentrated effort, you will improve--no matter how bad you are at the beginning.  I'm much better at accepting my limitations in yoga than in other areas.  I totally buy into the idea that "this is where I am today" but it is nice when tomorrow brings me to a new place.  It amazes me that my body is starting to do things in class that were impossible for me a few months ago.

A few weeks ago a teacher described a particular posture as playful.  It was a posture that required considerable balance and I had been having some difficulty with it for a while.  Playful was not how I would have ever described it but I decided to take her word for it and find the play.  It's far from perfect but it is definitely better and lots of fun. 

RBOC: Favorite Hobbies Edition

• Just came back from Sunday morning yoga class.  I'll spend the afternoon working and then head out for Sunday evening yoga class.  I'm averaging 5-6 classes a week and 1-2 at home practices.
• This morning's class was focused on the back and Warrior 3.  Warrior 3 feels especially challenging to me.  At the end of class I asked the instructor if we could do more Warrior 3 in tomorrow morning's class.  Yes I am that kind of masochist when it comes to yoga.
• I think about yoga a lot.  Sometimes it pops into my head before I go to sleep; sometimes when I first wake up.  I read about it when I can and I even watched Enlighten Up (which wasn't very good) just because it was about yoga.  This obsession reminds me of how I first felt about martial arts when I started that at 16.  Somehow that's comforting.
• My obsession is becoming known among my doctoral students.  I managed to turn 1 of them onto it and she's brought another into the pack.  A third student hasn't done it in years but just sent us all a calendar for her favorite ex-teacher.  It looks like we're going to have a little yoga field trip.
• I haven't been baking very much.  I haven't been that interested in doing it (the hot summer may have had something to do with that) and I'm trying to eat healthier.  But last night I baked one of my new favorites: cinnamon chocolate chip sour cream coffee cake.  The recipe is from my favorite blog for baking.

• The coffee cake was amazing.  I ate two small pieces and gave two large pieces to b (I'm bad that way).  The recipe makes a lot so I had him bring most of it into work today.
• He just texted me that half of it is already gone and he's been there less than 15 minutes.
• Last night was also pizza night.  The crust was perfect this time.  I now only make pizza in cast iron skillets.

• I haven't been doing much photography lately either.  Work definitely gets in the way of my hobbies.
• Last night I took some shots of the pizza and coffee cake.  I didn't think about the shots, I just wanted something for that other social media I sometimes update.  However when I pulled them onto my computer I found shots of dying yellow roses that I had forgotten.
• Every once in a while I like to play with textures.  I belong to Kim Klassen's Texture-Lovin' Group and get weekly freebies.  So last night I played with the yellow rose shots and some textures.  The result was a blog post.
• Blogging is one of my favorite hobbies.

Twenty Things I Am Doing While Not Writing a Blog Post

1. Helping Angel with a semester-long research project
2. Lots of yoga
3. Making chocolate sauce and then dipping fruit in it
4. Revising a paper that I've rewritten twice already and just can't get right
5. Watching Dr. Drew on Celebrity Rehab
6. Rubbing Pupzilla's belly
7. Answering student emails in an attempt to clear up their confusion over the assignment
8. Reading other people's blog posts
9. Giving presentations
10. Snuggling b
11. Not cleaning my house
12. Reading dissertation proposals
13. Watching b's videos of his paddling trip
14. Worshipping The Brute
15. Not taking any pictures
16. Writing letters of recommendation
17. Hosting book clubs where no one read the book
18. Going to the theatre
19. Trail running
20. Wishing I was writing a blog post

Meta-Awareness

I enjoyed this list the other day.  I enjoyed it because I like lists; it's a good list; and it made me think. Mostly I liked it because it made me think about what I do and I really enjoy thinking about what I do. I particularly enjoy thinking about what I do while I am doing it.

I enjoy yoga because to learn it you need to think about what you are doing while you are doing it. You need to be aware of your body and the posture and your body in the posture.  While you are doing all this thinking and posturing and thinking about posturing, you can suddenly become aware that you are aware of your body in the posture.

I really enjoy that.

When I write I am thinking about what I am writing and I'm thinking about how I'm writing while I'm writing.  I enjoy writing because, like yoga, it is really difficult to get everything to align correctly but when it clicks into place it feels wonderful.  I enjoy both writing and yoga because they feel like great big puzzles I have to figure out.  No matter how many times I solve the puzzle, there is a new one waiting for me.

The psychology of flow involves getting beyond awareness but I find it so much more fascinating to hover above it; to live in the land of meta-awareness.

Summer of Yoga

I started my summer break declaring this to be the Summer of Yoga (last year I declared it to be the Summer of Core, but that didn't get past the first week) and taking a week of hot yoga classes. Unfortunately hot yoga in SouthLite does not compare to hot yoga in Emerald City (where I first tried it).  It turns out that we have Bikram style here in SouthLite and I really don't like this style at all. Bikram is very rigid and, I felt, a little judgmental.

However I did not let that dissuade me and I ventured forth in my yoga explorations.  I tried new yoga classes at my gym.  This was especially easy because during the summer months most yoga instructors go on vacation and we had a lot of "substitute" yoga teachers in my regular classes. When I found one I liked, I tried one of their regular classes.  I also branched out and tried a yoga studio outside of the gym. This studio came highly recommended and I decided to try a restorative class for my first session.  Unfortunately it didn't really thrill me but the instructor was "subbing" for the regular teacher and she described some of the other classes that they offered.  One, yin yoga, really stood out to me and I tried it the following week.  Long story short, I fell in love.

Yin yoga is passive yoga.  It is all about easing yourself into a posture and staying there for around 5 minutes.  There is no straining and only minimal use of muscles.  It is far more of a meditation than a workout but it puts me in a complete state of calm mellowness.  I can no longer live without it.  The instructor is the owner of the studio and she is fabulous; a great person with a warm, welcoming personality and a lot of knowledge.  I've been going twice a week all summer.

While b was gone I was doing 5-6 yoga classes a week, both at the gym and this new studio.  My attendance at tai chi classes suffered greatly.  I also realized that our trip, which entailed many hours of sitting in a car, was completely at odds with my new yoga practice.  So I would sit in the passenger seat trying to fit as many postures into a Yaris as possible.  b also agreed to try a few classes with me when we arrived at big cities.  We found a yin yoga class in the City of Glass.  It was 90 minutes long and we both felt much better afterwards.  I still preferred my instructor at home (b has since tried her class and agrees) but it was a very welcome break.

At our next big city we tried hot yoga.  It was not billed as Bikram so I was hoping for something different but alas it was the same 26 movements I had come to detest at the beginning of the summer.  b was a trooper and made it through the whole hour but was less then pleased with the experience.  The studio was lovely (they had a strict rule of silence before and after class that was interesting) and the instructor was an adorable young woman with a big pregnant belly.

On the trip out to meet b, I read Dederer's Poser: My Life in 23 Yoga Poses from my summer reading list.  It is an interesting read, as she details a specific time in her life through her experiences learning yoga.  Each chapter is a different pose and she provides a fair amount of background information on the pose and on the history and philosophy of yoga.  Between reading the book and taking many different classes with different teachers and different styles, I've learned a lot about what I do and don't like about yoga.

It seems I like the extremes.  I really enjoy vinyasa yoga, which is characterized by putting poses together into a flow.  It is more aerobic and sometimes is combined with the word "power" to denote a more intensive class.  I especially like this type of yoga in a hot room so you are sweating before you even start moving and by the end you're not sure how you can still be standing.  But I also adore yin yoga, which is quite the opposite.  What I am not so thrilled with is the in-between.  If the instructor is really good I can appreciate a class that is just based on postures, especially if there is a lot of instruction on how to do them correctly.  I like to hear about philosophy.  I like to be physically adjusted (I am a kinesthetic and visual learner; I do the worst when someone is describing to me how to get into and out of postures--which is what happens in Bikram).  I don't need a particularly chatty or close community but I do like to feel welcomed when I arrive.

Ultimately I do yoga because it makes me feel great during and afterwards.  If it doesn't do that, I'm out of there.

RBOC: Observations on "Me Time" Edition

• It is really hot here in SouthLite.  Even when they say it's not going to be that hot, it is that hot.  "Me Time" would be a lot more fun if going outside didn't feel so bad.
• I find myself making simpler meals and eating fewer times a day.  Pupzilla is not happy with the lack of  scraps. She barks at me to get cooking.  
• Workouts always put me in a better mood and they give me a reason to leave the house. However it is really hard to convince myself of this fact when I wake up in the morning. Yoga classes help, as they have a specific schedule.
• Much of the work that I have to do this month is in the very disheartening reading, researching and thinking phase.  It is a critical phase but always feels so unproductive when I'm in it.  The only other work is dreary administrative work.  
• I'm taking the Essentials Photoshop Course over here.  It just started this week and was supposed to be  one of the more entertaining activities for the month (since I liked the SkinnyMini so much).  It is a helpful course but we are going pretty slow and the entertainment factor is low at the moment.
• I'm watching a lot of Homicide: Life on the Streets.  How I love Andre Braugher. 
• Angel is UpNorth visiting his dad; Pumpkin and BB are visiting distant countries where the sun never truly sets; and b has made it to The Last Frontier.
• b has been texting me, whenever cell service is available, throughout his journey.  He puts into the water in 2 days and there will be no more correspondence (except for daily emails from the Spot Locator letting me know he's ok) until he is done.

Hot Yoga

I accidentally stumbled upon hot yoga when I was at a conference in Emerald City a few months back.  I was staying in a hotel with a teeny-tiny fitness room and I wanted another work-out option. I was also rooming with my friend, Real, who had been saying she needed to get into yoga for a quite a while but had done nothing about it.  I figured it was a perfect opportunity to try something new.

The closest yoga studio to the hotel was hot yoga.  I knew nothing about it but figured it was worth a shot.  I invited three other colleagues/friends and we made our way to the studio with no expectations.  The studio offered a number of different classes but somehow we ended up in the 90-minute power class.  I had never taken power yoga before and the combination of the two was amazing but a little overwhelming for those in our party who were brand-new to yoga.  The studio offered a one-week trial deal that was only $2 more expensive than 1 drop-in class.  We were sold. One of my friends and I went back the second day for a 60-minute power class and then three of us tried a restorative yoga class.  I loved all three classes and was anxious to try it back in SouthLite.

Real and I created "Detox Week" and the plan was to find a similar one-week trial deal at a hot yoga studio at home.  SouthLite boasts two hot yoga studios.  One has a second location in a neighboring city (CigaretteVille, where Real lives) so that was the one we chose.  The same foursome signed up last week and I did a total of 3 classes.

It seems not all hot yoga studios are alike.  This studio followed the Bikram method.  There are 26 postures and they are done EXACTLY the same for every class.  There is no power, there is no restorative, there is only hot.  Hot was even hotter this time at 105 degrees (as compared to 95 in Emerald City).  Worse yet the studio floor was carpeted!  Who would do that?  The studio is owned and run by an aging hippie couple that were very sweet.  He was the instructor for my first class and she was the instructor for my second.  Yesterday I had my third (and final) class with some other woman.

Yoga, in my limited experience so far, is relaxing.  Yes it can be strenuous and I've enjoyed the few power and/or flow classes that I've taken, but the emphasis is still on a calm state of mind. This instructor was harsh.  She barked instructions, was critical if you did something wrong or popped out of a posture too soon and tried to stop people from leaving the room.  Not what I'm looking for in a yoga class.

I've found another studio with a one-week deal that offers a variety of classes including hot yoga, "peaceful yoga" and "yin yoga."  I'll let you know how this one turns out. 

Detox Week

Today is the official start of Detox Week.  It is the week after graduation and my colleagues and I are cleaning out our mental systems.  We have put the academic year behind us and are embracing summer break.

I spent most of the day cleaning my office.  I even destunkified my couch (yes I have a couch in my office) and sanitized my yoga ball (yes I have a yoga ball in my office...its a big office).

Tomorrow's agenda is hot yoga.

Martial Arts Vs. Yoga

Many many years ago we shared our dojo with a yoga class.  This meant that we also shared our dressing room when the classes overlapped.  At that time I had a very dismissive attitudes towards yoga, fueled in part through my interactions with my dressing room companions.  I didn't understand why anyone would want to spend that much time on an "unproductive art."  Yoga (and yogis) seemed very self-indulgent and quite frankly they weren't very good at sharing space.

Over the years I maintained a negative outlook towards yoga.  I tried a class or two in contexts that were not conducive to really experiencing yoga (a student gym and a hotel gym) and these experiences just reinforced my snobbery.  Martial arts was purposeful and we shared many of the same stretches, so why would I be interested in yoga?  Much later I found out we shared the same stretches because my Sensei incorporated poses from a book on yoga into our warm-up routine. Of course we didn't do the poses the way they are done in a true yoga class so when I did start studying yoga it was both familiar and new at the same time.

There are actually a lot of similarities between martial arts (very broadly defined) and yoga but there are also significant differences.  Martial arts is purposeful in that every movement has a practical application (actually every movement has multiple practical applications) and you are always imagining an opponent while performing these movements.  Studying martial arts means you are always assessing negative situations that need to be prevented or protected.  It is a paranoid art.  I've also found that there is a fair amount of guilt involved in the teaching of martial arts.  No matter how much you practice, it is never enough.  No matter how prepared you are for something bad to happen you always need to be on your guard.  Martial arts is filled with sayings such as "expect nothing but always expect the unexpected."  It is a bit crazy-making to actually try and live by these codes.

Both practices require and train a deep awareness of your body and how it is aligned.  Both require repetitive practice and are mentally and physically challenging.  The combination of skill development, self-awareness, and meditation appeals to me.  Lately I've realized that the self-indulgence of yoga is a good thing.  Like anything, including the paranoia of martial arts, in the extreme it is destructive.  However pursuing something simply because it makes you feel good is really ok. 

RBOC: Things On My Mind Edition

• Ruth recently posted about coming up against the blogging wall.  She's been blogging for 3 1/2 years and this is the first time she asked the question "why?"  I commented that I was amazed it took this long since I seem to go through it at least once a year.  Currently I'm not asking myself why? but rather why not?  Why am I not posting?  I have ideas.  I procrastinate in other ways.  What is keeping me from writing here?
• In the early years, our children have many developmental milestones.  As parents we are always proud but as they age the opportunity for milestone pride grows increasingly rare. This week I was very proud at my son's first use of the term "hegemonic" in an email. 
• b is the King of Smoothies.  He makes them at night and it always a surprise what is in there. Tonight he claimed it was "brie, bacon and sun-dried tomato" but I knew we didn't have bacon in the house.  He then said they were "Black Death" smoothies.  Whatever it is, it's delicious.
• Blogger has a new gizmo that allows you to create a book from your blog.  I played around with it (but didn't lay down any cash).  One of the nice aspects is that you can choose posts from specific labels.  It was fun to see posts I'd written years ago cataloged by content. Sadly, I realized that my posts have deteriorated in this past year.  I blame tenure and photography. 
• I think yoga is affecting my personality.  Today in class I truly loved my toes.  I was also not only more than happy to appreciate the body I was in but to appreciate my time on this earth. It's going to be an interesting summer.

RBOC: Procrastination Edition

• I have had several serious posts in my head all week but no time to write them.  Today I seem to be doing everything possible to avoid grading the second half of a stack of student papers.  The result is an RBOC post.
• Last night I heard both sad and bad news for other people.  There is nothing I can do about the news except listen.
• The Brute has taken to peeing in Pupzilla's food bowl.  Yesterday he did it while her leftover breakfast still in it.  
• This afternoon I met with my latest doula-mom and her husband.  They are very cute and sweet and made me an incredibly delicious lunch with fresh baked buns and pie!
• I have plans for this to be the Summer of Yoga.  I cannot wait for the semester to end.
• I have developed a "bad attitude" towards work.  The trip to Emerald City did wonders for my mood but my attitude hasn't budged a bit from "evil."
• We have a faculty meeting this week and I'm going to try my best to keep my mouth shut and my evil attitude tucked safely inside.
• b was away doing a training this weekend.  The training happened to be in the same city that Angel lives in, so they met for dinner tonight.  I wish I was there.
• Smudge has taken up residence under the covers on my side of the bed.  Sleeping with a nose full of cat hair is no fun indeed.
• After days of thunderstorms, some spring weather showed up this afternoon.  I spent it sitting on my back patio looking up birthing videos (yeah, I know how to have fun).  
• As nice as it is in my backyard, I really enjoy the evening sun at the front of the house. 

Looking in the kitchen window

Looking out the kitchen window

Us and Them

I've written before about the different communities in my Tai Chi and my favorite yoga class.  Both classes are taught in my gym.  In my opinion a class taught in a gym is less likely to feel like a community.  My experience with gyms is that people drop in and out of classes.  However both of these classes have a large following of regulars and, therefore, both have a strong sense of community.

I much prefer the sense of community in my tai chi class.

This is the first time I've ever studied yoga and my only previous experience with yogis was sharing studio space (my dojo and a yoga class both rented adjacent rooms in a dance studio and we shared a dressing room).  I wasn't left with the warm fuzzies for the yogis I met previously. The same is true for the majority of people in this yoga class.  They appear rather cliquish, and while not unfriendly, they aren't particularly welcoming.  I am definitely an 'outsider regular.'  [A lot of this has to do with my personality.  I'm not quick to get to know anyone and generally need to be drawn out in social situations.  Although b says I'm getting much more social lately.  I don't know if it is a function of aging or living in the South.]

Today I got to my yoga class a little early.  My neck was hurting quite a bit (from moving furniture incorrectly yesterday) and I wanted to try and stretch and relax a little before class started.  There were two other regulars already there.  The regulars generally have preferred spots.  If I'm not early I often lose my preferred spot but today I was able to claim it.  It is right next to an older gentleman who is right next to an older woman.  They often chat and were doing so today when I got there.

The woman is someone who has always rubbed me the wrong way.  She is a bit of a yoga cop--doesn't actually enforce the rules but complains when they are broken.  She is also one of the more cliquish of the regulars.  Last week I was surprised that she actually spoke to me.

Today, as I lay on my mat trying to relax, I couldn't help but overhear their conversation.  It covered a lot of territory including: the state of Arizona, illegal immigrants, shopping sprees, the Russian mafia in NYC, unicycles, people who foreclose on their mortgages, and people who walk across the yoga floor in shoes.  Several times I heard the word "they" used--as in "what they do" and what "enables them."  I breathed deep and tried to concentrate on relaxing my shoulders and my neck, which were really tight.  Our instructor starts class with a prayer that includes a wish that "no conflict should arise to cause disharmony between us."  I tried hard to put that disharmony aside but was only mildly successful.

Another regular, who had been missing for several weeks, came in and said hello to the pair.  She said she was glad to be back.  The woman acknowledged her and said something to the effect of "we are always glad to have our regulars back."  I couldn't help but wonder--am I an 'us' or a 'them'?

In my tai chi class we are also very happy to see regulars come back after an absence.  We welcome them back individually and as a class.  We also welcome new people--we learn their names and introduce them around.  We ask about each other's lives and share little stories.  We encourage each other in our practice.  

I don't know anyone's political leanings but I'm sure there are many with different views from my own.  There are side conversations that occur before and after class but they are fairly innocuous.  They are also very fluid; you can watch small groups merge and separate like a successful cocktail party.

During yoga class, I am an individual.  I spend an hour trying to live in my body and in the present moment.  I don't always achieve my goals but it is helpful to strive for them. In tai chi I am a member of a group.  I spend an hour trying to live in my body and in the present moment but I also spend an hour with people I've come to regard as friends.  In tai chi I've yet to meet (or feel like) a 'them.'